Treated like **** by pub landlord

demented6th · #1 12-04-2007, 05:03 PM

Hi All,

Thank-you for this opportunity to rant.

Firstly, I have played many gigs as a rock bassist and play in church regulary to 300+ poeple so playing live is nothing new to me.

However, this evening, I was playing my first gig as a bassist in a jazz trio at a local pup/restaurant during the 30min interval, while the pro trad jazz band had a break. It was arranged by the trad band leader and the landlord that we should play at 9pm for 1/2 an hour. Now it was pretty cramped, so I put my stuff just inside the door as you came in, under the coat hangers, out of the way. My stuff consisted of my bass in a gig bag, a Roland Cube practice amp, which I guess is about 15" cubed, a small rucksack and a mic on a short boom I was going to record us on.

At 20:45 the landlord had a right go at me for leaving my stuff there! I apologised (a bit taken aback) but he just kept on saying "You should have asked"
"I'm sorry"
"You should have asked"
"Yes, I know that now, I'm sorry"
"You should have asked"
etc. ect.

If I had been on my own, I would have told him to find someone else to entertain his punters for the next 1/2 hour for free, but not wishing to let my band mates down I kept my cool.

We played the gig. It was ok-ish. I was fumbling around a lot of the time but the audience enjoyed it, so that's all that matters.

However, now I'm home
I AM SOOOOOO ^&*^*^* ANGRY!!!!! I just want whack this guy over the head with my bass and stuff my boom stand where the sun don't shine.
GGGRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!

Thanks
Russell

MikeBass · #2 12-04-2007, 05:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by demented6th

Hi All,

Thank-you for this opportunity to rant.

Firstly, I have played many gigs as a rock bassist and play in church regulary to 300+ poeple so playing live is nothing new to me.

However, this evening, I was playing my first gig as a bassist in a jazz trio at a local pup/restaurant during the 30min interval, while the pro trad jazz band had a break. It was arranged by the trad band leader and the landlord that we should play at 9pm for 1/2 an hour. Now it was pretty cramped, so I put my stuff just inside the door as you came in, under the coat hangers, out of the way. My stuff consisted of my bass in a gig bag, a Roland Cube practice amp, which I guess is about 15" cubed, a small rucksack and a mic on a short boom I was going to record us on.

At 20:45 the landlord had a right go at me for leaving my stuff there! I apologised (a bit taken aback) but he just kept on saying "You should have asked"
"I'm sorry"
"You should have asked"
"Yes, I know that now, I'm sorry"
"You should have asked"
etc. ect.

If I had been on my own, I would have told him to find someone else to entertain his punters for the next 1/2 hour for free, but not wishing to let my band mates down I kept my cool.

We played the gig. It was ok-ish. I was fumbling around a lot of the time but the audience enjoyed it, so that's all that matters.

However, now I'm home
I AM SOOOOOO ^&*^*^* ANGRY!!!!! I just want whack this guy over the head with my bass and stuff my boom stand where the sun don't shine.
GGGRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!

Thanks
Russell

After the first time I said I was sorry, I wouldn't have said it again. Respect is just that. He didn't deserve another apology.
If he would have kept it up, I would have politely asked if he heard me the first time and if there were anymore issues that HE had, as mine were all resolved.

I do this quite often in my professional career as well. Mainly to my superiors.
Pull a power trip and I'll politely remind them that that crap doesn't fly.
Take ownership in your "mistakes" if you will. Just like any man should. But once the resolution is established -in your case, your gear in the wrong place, it had to be moved to a different location- that was the resolution, it's time to move on.
If he would have kept on, tell him that he established the fact that you should have asked, you didn't, and the problem is resolved.

Had he pursued his badgering over the issue, I would have stopped him cold by asking him, what his issue was. But asked nicely.
You'll be shocked at what you can actually say if the delivery is right. i.e. "I'm sorry, but are there other issues at work here that I haven't been made aware of, outside of my gear not being in the correct place?" "No?? OK then, if you would kindly excuse me, I'll be moving my gear"
BTW, been at my "job" for 8+ years now and been through 4 different "superiors" or bosses. So, I'm not blowin' smoke on my approach.

Plus sounds like the guy is just a typical bar owner.
"Load your gear through the kitchen and don't touch the damn dinner rolls!!!!" type of crap.

invader3k · #3 12-05-2007, 07:14 AM

When I deal with people like that, if I was really in the wrong, after the first time I just say something like "We already discussed this, you made your point, it'd done." Don't let people keep brow beating you about something when it's already been resolved.

cowsgomoo · #4 12-05-2007, 07:36 AM

trouble is, some people have the mentality of a wild animal, and seize on an apology as a sign of weakness... they get their teeth in and want more...

I don't apologise unless unless I was in the wrong, and I mean the apology... people get one apology from me and if they try the wild animal routine, they get this:

"I don't apologise twice, **** off"

MacktheKnife · #5 12-05-2007, 07:44 AM

I would have told him where I was going to put the bass unless he stopped repeating himself.

JKT · #6 12-05-2007, 07:46 AM

Very good advice here regarding this incident and I would most likely handle it the same.

Good gigs can be hard to come by and you want to be careful, particularly when others are depending on you but you do have to weigh that against being treated like a doormat. Musicians being poorly treated by club owners has become a cliche' for a reason- it happens a lot.

JKT

Tapout73 · #7 12-05-2007, 10:39 AM

You should have asked before posting this..
You should have asked...
You should have asked...

MazeMouse · #8 12-05-2007, 12:07 PM

"I heard you the first time moved my stuff AND apologized so drop it already"

Just slams the conversation stone cold dead. Usually even to an extent they either
1: Leave
2: Appologize for being an ass

If he persists I have no problem in leaving

**Mickey Shane** · #9 12-05-2007, 12:51 PM

Forget about him. He can't live in your head if he's not paying rent.

purfektstranger · #10 12-05-2007, 01:01 PM

I manage bands and arrange shows part time and let me tell you, if I had a buck for every ranting idiot I ran into I would be on a beach somewhere. That said, maybe the guy was having a particularly awful day....no excuse I know but sometimes there is more than meets the eye.

mutedeity · #11 12-05-2007, 02:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MikeBass

After the first time I said I was sorry, I wouldn't have said it again. Respect is just that. He didn't deserve another apology.
If he would have kept it up, I would have politely asked if he heard me the first time and if there were anymore issues that HE had, as mine were all resolved.

I do this quite often in my professional career as well. Mainly to my superiors.
Pull a power trip and I'll politely remind them that that crap doesn't fly.
Take ownership in your "mistakes" if you will. Just like any man should. But once the resolution is established -in your case, your gear in the wrong place, it had to be moved to a different location- that was the resolution, it's time to move on.
If he would have kept on, tell him that he established the fact that you should have asked, you didn't, and the problem is resolved.

Had he pursued his badgering over the issue, I would have stopped him cold by asking him, what his issue was. But asked nicely.
You'll be shocked at what you can actually say if the delivery is right. i.e. "I'm sorry, but are there other issues at work here that I haven't been made aware of, outside of my gear not being in the correct place?" "No?? OK then, if you would kindly excuse me, I'll be moving my gear"
BTW, been at my "job" for 8+ years now and been through 4 different "superiors" or bosses. So, I'm not blowin' smoke on my approach.

Plus sounds like the guy is just a typical bar owner.
"Load your gear through the kitchen and don't touch the damn dinner rolls!!!!" type of crap.

I agree.

I would typically have cut him off mid his second visit to "you should have asked" by saying, "so where do you want it then" and put the onus back on him. If that didn't illicit a response beyond "you should have asked" I probably would have said "so it's ok here then?"

The thing to keep in mind is not to be either submissive or agressive in these situations. Stay calm but be assertive. Appologise once but don't make it like you are admitting to any great error of judgement, you didn't insult his mother by putting your gear there. These kind of people generally act like this because, a. they hate the fact that you are going to get up and play in front of people and get more attention than them and b. they have nothing better to do than make a big deal out of something trivial. Keep in mind too that you were playing for free so you were doing him a favour not the other way around.

The professional thing would have been for him to have made sure you knew where your gear was to go. On the other hand if I was you I would have asked him where a good place was before I left it there since I know from experience how these types will look for any chance to project their stressed out underachieving personas onto anyone they can.