Trials of a Mid-life Crisis Bass Player...

pgolliher · #1 01-31-2013, 01:22 PM

I have a really fun gig on this Friday night. We will have a big draw, we are playing with fun bands. Should be a great night to go nuts and have a blast.. no?
Me: 41 year old father of three. Bass player since I was 15.
My two year old twins were sick all last week and weekend and now my back is messed up from holding/carrying them constantly. I am totally stressed out at work from a "corporate restructuring" and having to lay off half of my team and dealing with all that s*&6 (literally, stress diarhea is kinda my thing right now), and the morning after the gig is my daughter's 6th birthday- and... because my wife is so cheap, we are having a fairy party at the "clubhouse" where we live. Translation- I will have to set up everything and run all the games with the kids and clean everything up afterwards... which when all said and done will cost the same as renting out a "bounce house place" or kids gym- without all the hours of prep...
Sorry for the long rant and despite having to get that off my chest, I really do feel blessed with having an amazing family, being able to play the bass, being in a really fun live band, and having a job. Any other mid-life crisis bass players out there- please feel free to join in. Thanks!

singlemalt · #2 01-31-2013, 01:33 PM

Looks like the gig will be the only bright shining bit of "me time" you get all weekend. Take it and run.

Six year olds are easy to please. Dodge ball in fairy costumes whilst high on sugar should do it. Order pizza delivered. A movie for crash time while waiting for parents who spent the afternoon in bed while you entertained their kids. (they owe you)

Playing the bass works better for stress than heavy drinking.

pgolliher · #3 01-31-2013, 01:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by singlemalt

Looks like the gig will be the only bright shining bit of "me time" you get all weekend. Take it and run.

Six year olds are easy to please. Dodge ball in fairy costumes whilst high on sugar should do it. Order pizza delivered. A movie for crash time while waiting for parents who spent the afternoon in bed while you entertained their kids. (they owe you)

Playing the bass works better for stress than heavy drinking.

Yes- good advice. I put together a pedal board (pedal train mini-seems great) and restrung my bass the other night, but haven't practiced yet because I was busy with party prep. But, once I am playing and rocking out with the band it will be all good. Drinks early, water later. I wil make it work

dickfitts · #4 01-31-2013, 01:45 PM

Right there with you man! Almost verbatim, actually. One on the lap and one, LITERALLY, climbing the walls. I don't know if my job is actually going to pay me, I have to tell the landlord this when wife gets home from work. Phone's been shut off, electric's next, will probably have to travel across the country alone for several months to keep us fed and indoors. But...got a killer high-dollar gig Tuesday!!! And yesterday we built the most incredible, friendly snowman I've ever seen...and we'll remember it always. I dunno, I'm of the opinion that life is all about moments, and their interconnectedness. THAT'S what makes a fine tapestry. And I couldn't be happier to be here, now! Best of luck man...

dickfitts · #5 01-31-2013, 01:52 PM

BTW...DIRT TRACK HEROES ARE FRICKIN' AWESOME!!!

pgolliher · #6 01-31-2013, 02:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dickfitts

BTW...DIRT TRACK HEROES ARE FRICKIN' AWESOME!!!

Thanks Man!!! This show is going to be a lot of fun. The first two gigs we played we gave out Dirt Track Heroes Trucker hats. We were talking about making beer koozies for this show and they we ended up making Dirt Track Heroes Beer Bongs. It is the best "horrible idea" we have ever had.

JaamE · #7 01-31-2013, 03:36 PM

I'm a mid-life crisis player too, as is most of my band. Between the holidays and people and kids getting the flu we haven't practiced since early Dec and then lost a small gig on Dec 14th because we couldn't get another practice in before then.

Right now we're trying to find a time when we all could practice again. I've got one guy who wants to be done by 9pm but the drummer and practice space arent available earlier.

::sigh::

dtripoli · #8 01-31-2013, 04:12 PM

Well, God bless you if you can juggle family, work and music.
I bowed out of playing in bands for a decade while rearing 4 kids.
Seemed like the fairest thing to do for the kids and the bands.
Got back in about 5 years ago and playing out more than ever now.

Bands and gigs will always be there, your kids are only kids once.

theretheyare · #9 01-31-2013, 04:34 PM

At 47 years of age, I took a day off from work yesterday to help out at the next album recording session for a group i write music for. Studio was up in the Catskill mountains. We should have booked 2 days but had to cram the whole album recording into 1 day because noone could make him/herself available for more than 1 day simultaneously. It took till 3 am in the morning, incl. a few mid-take hard drive crashes, and I drove a very stressfull 3.5 hr back from the Catskill mountains to NYC in the gushing rain and fog, to come home at 6:30AM, and get ready for work. I am exhausted BUT I also felt mentally great today: the studio was awesome, the music sounded great, and I am SO grateful that having a day job enables me to make the music I want to make with some of the most brilliant musicians in NYC. (Fay Victor voice, Ken Filiano on double bass, Anders Nilsson on electric guitar). Music makes life wonderful.

jelly6466 · #10 01-31-2013, 04:36 PM

Member #3 here. I am 45, twin 8 year old girls and it doesn't matter what time I get home from playing the night before, my girls are bouncing on my head trying to wake me at 6:30 despite my wifes best efforts to stop them. The days of having even so much as a beer at a show are long gone for me, the next morning starts too early.

pgolliher · #11 01-31-2013, 08:58 PM

Yes, exactly the same for me, except my twins are two. It is funny how they seem to know when I gig and am out late- they seem to wake up even earlier the next day... it's impossible to hold a grudge against someone wearing footsie jammies though.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jelly6466

Member #3 here. I am 45, twin 8 year old girls and it doesn't matter what time I get home from playing the night before, my girls are bouncing on my head trying to wake me at 6:30 despite my wifes best efforts to stop them. The days of having even so much as a beer at a show are long gone for me, the next morning starts too early.

Sneakypete · #12 02-01-2013, 04:58 AM

In my forty years of playing bass in pub/small club bands I have often found that what looked like an unpromising lead up to a gig can result in a really great night. Equally, there have been gigs where everything was fine in the lead-up but the gig itself turned out to be a bit flat and unsatisfying. It's a part of what I love about gigs - you can never really predict how they are going to pan out!

BassChuck · #13 02-01-2013, 05:52 AM

No matter how bad it is... you can only live one day at a time. Taking on more than one day is stressful. Keep it simple, do what you need to do.
All times are a mix of good and bad. Pay attention to what is worthwhile. All things change with time, and they will give you a new mix of good and bad.
Music will always be there.... children grow up.

dbd1963 · #14 02-01-2013, 06:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dickfitts

I'm of the opinion that life is all about moments, and their interconnectedness. THAT'S what makes a fine tapestry.

That's brilliant.

I'm a 49 year old father of twin 11 year old boys and an 8 year old daughter, so I'm right there with many of the rest of you. I'm very lucky even if it doesn't always feel like it.

nutdog · #15 02-01-2013, 06:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dtripoli

your kids are only kids once.

I'm nutdog and I approve this message.

jelly6466 · #16 02-01-2013, 07:07 AM

I agree with dbd and pgoll, the best part of my day bar anything is when the girls come in and want to curl up with daddy. Despite the fact that the love to wake me up by showing one of their many stuffed animals in the face. Smartwater at the gigs make for an easy awakening even after only a few hours of sleep.

Russell L · #17 02-01-2013, 10:27 AM

Our kids are grown and on their own, but I remember those days. Now, at age 63, three bands, strife at work, fusses with my wife at home, struggling with health issues, dealing with probate after my brother's death, depression, anxiety, upset stomach from nerves...Ugh. But, I keep dragging on. Playing a gig is an uplift.

bigntasty · #18 02-01-2013, 10:42 AM

"...I really do feel blessed with having an amazing family, being able to play the bass, being in a really fun live band, and having a job..."

Speaking from experience, someday your daughter will look back on her "special days" and fondly remember details of this birthday. Trust me when I say that, in comparison, it will be much more gratifying to you than any gig you played or job-related stuff that's going on in your life right now. Enjoy that family God has blessed you with!

Vakmere · #19 02-01-2013, 10:48 AM

Not likely your 6 yr old will remember this b-day party 23 years from now whether you planned one or not, nor will the people you had to lay off begrudge you. If your wife is cheap then you need to find a more expensive wife to make sure you spend what you dont have.

We all have to eat the crumbs sometimes and the fact you found the time to come here to TB and rant to we bass brothers, things cant be so bad.
I think most of us here find sanctuary playing bass in whatever medium we have and that is healthy.

Jim Nazium · #20 02-01-2013, 10:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dickfitts

... I'm of the opinion that life is all about moments, and their interconnectedness. THAT'S what makes a fine tapestry.

I think you are on to something there, something really important. I was thinking about the other thread that asked "has your overall band experience been worth it", or something like that, and I was thinking that it's involved hundreds of hours of schlepping gear, bad sound, sticky floors, smelly restrooms, etc ... and a few really brilliant moments. I think the brilliant moments make the other stuff worth it. Maybe life is like that?

MLCBP club member #4