Trials of a Mid-life Crisis Bass Player...

[bloobass]

I'll join...41, father of 4 (10, 15, 16, 17). Played a ton of shows about a 90 minute drive from my home to help out my brother...a lot of pulling in the driveway around 5AM...never missed an 8 AM soccer game. Kids love going to every family friendly show I play, and being able to look out and make faces at them is every bit as fun as looking at the bouncing breasts of some chick on the dance floor.....My god...did I really just say that?!?

[Bassmanbob]

Originally Posted by pgolliher

... I really do feel blessed with having an amazing family, being able to play the bass, being in a really fun live band, and having a job. Any other mid-life crisis bass players out there- please feel free to join in. Thanks!

In my best Most Interesting Man in the World voice, "Be thankful my friend."

But seriously. I'll soon be 48, two girls: one in college and one in high school. I stopped playing for about fifteen years but came back to it about seven or eight years ago. I run my own small business, was an officer in my profession's state association for six years, volunteer for the high school's band program (both daughters were/are involved in the band program) while gigging 3-5 times a month. My calendar has few blank days.

My advise: After this busy weekend, take some time to calmly evaluate the weekend. It is possible to do it all, and do it all well, but it's OK to say the word no every once in a while. I agree about the kids only being kids once. Oh... and get some sleep!

[pbass6811]

Can't really call mine a "mid-life crisis", as I've been doing this for the last 15 years, but I am 44. I've got 2 beautiful, twentysomething daughters, from my first marriage, that are both in college, so I'm trying to figure how to keep paying for that. I've got a wonderful, 9 year old son(actually, he's my stepson, but I love that boy just like I'd made him and it's music to me the random times he calls me dad!), but it does seem like the mission he's chosen to accept is trying our patience! I've been laid off from a job that didn't pay much anyway, but it was a job. My income from my gigs keeps fluctuating because club owners don't seem to wanna take the bad with the good...have a great night, they never seem to offer any kind of bonus, but have a slow night, the first thing they wanna do is cut your pay. I've got a wife that I love with all my heart & soul, we've been married almost 3 years(together 7yrs. Friends for 10+ yrs), but sometimes I think she just married me so she'd have someone to start random fights with...lol!

In spite of all this, I am happy and blessed! I have a great family that I love, and I'm really proud of each and every one of them. I play in a super fun, working band with some really great guys. I play at least 3 nights/week every week. My life is pretty good, I just gotta figure out how I'm gonna talk the wife into a Fender MIA Deluxe Jazz Bass V...

Best wishes to all!

[Astreaux]

Originally Posted by Russell L

Our kids are grown and on their own, but I remember those days. Now, at age 63, three bands, strife at work, fusses with my wife at home, struggling with health issues, dealing with probate after my brother's death, depression, anxiety, upset stomach from nerves...Ugh. But, I keep dragging on. Playing a gig is an uplift.

+1 Right there with you... Look forward to the gigs as stress relief!

[capncal]

Playing the bass works better for stress than heavy drinking.[/quote]

Boom. ^^^this guy.

[Russell L]

In the movie, Conan the Barbarian, when Conan was once asked what is best in life he said, "Crush enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentations of the women." Then, the asker said, "That is good." LMAO, sorry, I just had to throw that in here.

[pgolliher]

Originally Posted by Astreaux

+1 Right there with you... Look forward to the gigs as stress relief!

Absolutely!

[PocketGroove82]

I like this thread. It reminds me to practice safe sex!

[eno50]

Here's a wake up call ,having my 30 year old daughter from out of town come to visit,and comes to the gig to see you play.. Watching guys hitting on her kinda hits
a nerve... then you realize she is a grown woman and your an old man...

An old man told me this along time ago ,and I now know how true it is....
His Quote was this.....
Boy when you get old there is only two things you need to remember
(1) Don't waste a hard-on
(2) Don't trust a Fart

Eno

[RonniePudding]

I feel for you, and your description sounds like some of my rougher weeks. I too have a stressful job, and these days I have to work at making life slow down occasionally , and just have a few hours a week of "me" time. Although I realize that in many ways I have it easier than you... with only one 3-year old who isn't yet old enough to realize that parties are supposed to have magicians and bouncy castles and matching plates and napkins with pictures of Elmo on them... she's happy with a few friends and a few simple presents. But I don't expect that to last, and in any case I digress.

Originally Posted by pgolliher

... we are having a fairy party at the "clubhouse" where we live. Translation- I will have to set up everything and run all the games with the kids and clean everything up afterwards... which when all said and done will cost the same as renting out a "bounce house place" or kids gym- without all the hours of prep...

I don't mean this to sound accusatory, but I have two questions:
1) Why did you schedule the party for the day after your gig (or vice-vera)?
2) If you're doing all the work setting up, running, and cleaning up the party, where is your wife (who thinks the kids gym is too expensive)?

I know sometimes things just work out this way where everything has to take place at the same time and you don't want to give up on one or the other, -- but I do my darnest to keep the morning after a show free, and the night before I'm throwing a party an early one. Mostly because I'm 42, and I think what you're describing might kill me

Good luck man.

[pgolliher]

Fair question... I originally (months ago when we booked the gig) had requested to have the party on Sunday, which would give me a day to recoup. Unfortunately, we didn't realize it was Super Bowl Sunday - so we had to move the party to Saturday. While I am setting up/cleaning my wife will be watching the kids. My biggest mistake was not putting my foot down earlier and insist that we have the party at a kids party place of some type, but at the time I had no idea all the other stress this week would bring. It will all be good. I will blow off steam at the gig and most of the party prep stuff we took care if the last few nights. I am thankful for it all.

[kjpollo]

I"m 50, married with kids & grandkids and 2 dogs. My daughter is 14 and son is 13- they cant believe I'm playing in a country band (hell, sometimes I dont believe it either!). My wife is actually happy about this one- now that we've played out and she's seen me on stage, she's starting to understand why I never gave up my basses. Even when I couldnt find an hour a week to practice, let alone find a band.
I played my first gig ever at the beginning of January. It was great having my wife, my 2 stepsons- one with his wife, the other with his fiance- and my stepdaughter there to see me play. They all know how much this means to me to finally get out there under the lights after almost 30 years of playing along to records & CDs & MP3s.
Work is stressful to a certain extent and things are never easy when money is tight. But hopefully the gigs get more & more regular over the next few months so I can kick in some extra to the budget.

Are things perfect? Nope, they never are. But I'm generally happy!

[pedroims]

Im 41, four kids, a wife that does not talk to me, Im in charge of design a very complex tax-IT solution, havent see my relatives in four years, I live in Michigan where summer is too short ( crapy weather here right now)... my kids keep me alive.

[shadven]

I am 52. I feel about 32 most of the time (at least when I am playing a gig), and I can still rock all night with band members 20 or more years younger. I may not recover as quickly the next day though My son is now 23 yrs old with his own band, and my wife is (mostly) supportive of my musical pursuits. I own a business with my wife that she mostly runs and it is doing well. I'd be an ******* if I complained too much, I am damn lucky and thankful. But, I have struggled with kids, family, money, and work, but you just persevere, put out positive energy, and expect the best. I was a single parent for about 17 years, and I struggled, but I never stopped playing my bass because it kept me alive and made me feel a little unique among the drones, so I never let the dream die. Now I play bigger, better paying, higher profile and exciting gigs. The last 10 - 15 years have been more productive musically than they ever were in my 20's when I thought I was going to "make it". I gig 2 - 4 times a month on average. That's plenty and so that I still have time for family, work, motorcycles, and honey-dos. It all just keeps getting better. Just keep believing in yourself and hang in there.

[dickfitts]

How'd it go man???

[joebar]

i am 42
-22 year old son and 16 year old daughter who is graduating this june a year early.
shut off my musical side for many many years and raised my kids, divorced their pyscho mother and now i have some me time.
just got asked to join a band a few weeks ago-regardless of the fact that i am in between two carpal tunnel surgeries on my hands; these guys still want me badly.
my daughter thinks i am too old to be in a band but i look young, play good and am going to have a new lease on life with my new hands. now i know what everyone else experiences...

i have complained for a lot less in the past; i am so grateful to be able to play again.

[Bassmanbob]

Follow up to my last post:

My 16 year-old daughter was on a date last night and stopped by at my gig. The venue is an out door restaurant that becomes a club later in the evening; it's easy to just stop by and watch the band. She's seen us before but her 17 year-old boyfriend was amazed how well the 'old folks' were pulling off Pink, Lady Gag, Cee Lo Green and Maroon 5.

During load out, she came over to me to give me a kiss goodbye. My teenaged daughter went out of her way to give me a goodbye kiss in front of her boyfriend and the general public. Priceless!

[Moe Monsarrat]

Raised four kids playing bass and singing. It ain't easy but you can't change what you are. If you do, you won't be able to live with yourself. Gut it out and it will get easier. They DO grow up!!

[MrLenny1]

Gigging is very frustrating on a part time level.
I've been at it since I was 15. I'm 60 now.
Over the years I've developed migraines and on
many a ROCK gig come down with one. Shear hell.
There's always something to hinder your life.
ENJOY THE GOOD DAYS

[Munjibunga]

Originally Posted by jelly6466

I agree with dbd and pgoll, the best part of my day bar anything is when the girls come in and want to curl up with daddy. Despite the fact that the love to wake me up by showing one of their many stuffed animals in the face. Smartwater at the gigs make for an easy awakening even after only a few hours of sleep.

Enjoy it now, before they turn into ... teenagers!

AAAAAaaaaa!!!