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09-08-2001, 04:05 PM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: 's-Hertogenbosch, The Netherla | |  uh.. yeah
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Q:What is the difference between a Bassplayer and a toilet ?
A: A toilet has to put up with only 1 person's crap at a time.
Q:How can you tell if the stage is perfectly horizontal ?
A:The guitaris is drewling from both mouth-ends.
Q:what's the similarity between a guitarsolo and premature ejaculation ?
A:you know it's going to come, but there's nothing you can do to stop it. |
09-08-2001, 04:24 PM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Newcastle UK | |
ApoloA drummer, sick of all the drummer jokes, decides to change his
instrument. After some thought, he decides on the accordion. So he goes
to the music store and says to the owner, "I'd like to look at the
accordions, please."
The owner gestures to a shelf in the corner and says "All our
accordions are over there."
After browsing, the drummer says, "I think I'd like the big red one in
the corner."
The store owner looks at him and says, "You're a drummer, aren't you?"
The drummer, crestfallen, says, "How did you know?"
The store owner says, "That `big red accordion' is the radiator."
HEHEHEHEHE!
Apologies to all my drummer friends .
cx
__________________
Certain keys, tonalities, and melodic formulas fortify the human
character; others may weaken it. Musical training is a more potent
instrument than any other, because rhythm and harmony find their way
into the secret places of the soul.
Plato (c.427-327 BC)
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09-08-2001, 04:35 PM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: 's-Hertogenbosch, The Netherla | | | |
09-08-2001, 04:48 PM
| | Registered User
Endorsing Artist: Ibanez basses and Promethean amp | | Join Date: Apr 2000 Location: Atlanta | | How do you get a drummer off of your front porch?
Pay him for the pizza!
How does a guitarist get to park in the handicapped parking spots?
By placing his guitar strings on the dash board!
If a guitarist, a drummer, and a lead singer is in a car, who's driving?
The police officer. 
__________________
There's a reason why women love us bass players.The tone is like Barry White's voice, and the strings are thick like Ron Jeremy's...well, you get the point.
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09-08-2001, 07:14 PM
| | | LOL!
Harsh, but funny! |
09-08-2001, 07:30 PM
|  | so then I sez to Mabel, I sez... | | Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: Texas | | - What's the difference between a puppy and a folksinger?
Eventually, the puppy stops whining.
What's the difference between a dead guitarist in the
middle of the road, and a dead snake in the middle of the road?
There are skid marks in front of the snake.
What do you call two guitarists playing in unison?
Counterpoint.
What do you call someone who hangs out with musicians?
A drummer.
How can you tell when there's a drummer knocking on your door?
He slows down, then comes in too soon anyway.
Did you hear about the bass player who locked his keys in his car?
Took him two hours to get the drummer out.
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09-08-2001, 09:07 PM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Jul 2000 Location: Northeast, Pennsylvania | |
What's the difference between a female vocalist and a pit-bull?
The lipstick.....
How many guitarists does it take to change a light-bulb?
12, 1 to change it and 11 to say they could have done it better.
The manager of a band walks into a gig and sees the guitar player and bass player fighting...The manager, concerned for the boys, interrupts the fight and asks what the problem was. The guitar player responds, "All I did was detune one of his strings..." So the manager asks the bassist why he got so upset...Then the bass player responded "...yeah, but he won't tell me which one..."
By the way the last one was told to me by a dear friend of mine who happened to be a guitar player....God rest his soul...
__________________
........if you groove it, they will come........
Last edited by christos : 09-08-2001 at 09:09 PM.
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09-08-2001, 09:36 PM
| | Registered User
Endorsing Artist: Ibanez basses and Promethean amp | | Join Date: Apr 2000 Location: Atlanta | | | How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
5. One to do it, and 4 to sit around and talk about how great Neil Peart used to do it.
__________________
There's a reason why women love us bass players.The tone is like Barry White's voice, and the strings are thick like Ron Jeremy's...well, you get the point.
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09-09-2001, 12:01 AM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Jun 2000 Location: Austin, TX | | Quote: Originally posted by warwicknut
If a guitarist, a drummer, and a lead singer is in a car, who's driving?
The police officer.
| Ba Dum CHING!
That's great...never heard that one before. Classic.
__________________
-"Actual journalism? Isn't that when you don't commit crimes?"
-"Hell no, it's when we commit really good crimes."
"Of course a shortcut isn't easy. If it was easy, it'd just be The Way."
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09-09-2001, 12:52 AM
| | Registered | | Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: in my own little spot... don't touch me! | | I got one...
<b>Q:</b> How do you get a reluctant bassist to play a gig.
<b>A:</b> Give him a cold beer and a hot woman.
stupid one  . |
09-09-2001, 10:23 AM
| | Registered User
wake up with a beautiful stranger | | Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Australia ~ Sydney, NSW | | Quote: Originally posted by Bigfeet
I got one...
<b>Q:</b> How do you get a reluctant bassist to play a gig.
<b>A:</b> Give him a cold beer and a hot woman.
stupid one . | i love it when people know they've made a stupid joke. i love it even more when no-one laughs and leaves them standing there like a gimp. LIKE A GIMP I SAY ! 
__________________ Quote: |
Originally Posted by David Bowie and Brian Eno G7 / Cm / Fm7 / Dm7(b5) | |
09-09-2001, 01:59 PM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Milwaukee, WI | | | Q: how many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 1, but no one notices....
Q: how can you tell if there is a guitarists kid on the play ground?
A: he cant swing and doesnt know how to use a slide correctly. |
09-09-2001, 03:05 PM
| | | Quote: Originally posted by old_skool
Q: how can you tell if there is a guitarists kid on the play ground?
A: he cant swing and doesnt know how to use a slide correctly. | LOL! That's a classic one! Shall tell that one to one of our guitarists today who has 3 kids...  |
09-09-2001, 07:20 PM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Jul 2000 Location: Northern VA | | Quote: Originally posted by Bigfeet
I got one...
<b>Q:</b> How do you get a reluctant bassist to play a gig.
<b>A:</b> Give him a cold beer and a hot woman.
stupid one . | <img src="http://www.resnet.wm.edu/~ijwrig/bueller.jpg">
Last edited by dancehallclasher : 09-10-2001 at 03:33 PM.
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09-09-2001, 07:31 PM
| | Registered | | Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: in my own little spot... don't touch me! | | Quote: Originally posted by dancehallclasher
<img src="http://www.resnet.wm.edu/~ijwrig/bueller.jpg"> |  |
09-09-2001, 07:32 PM
| | Registered | | Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: in my own little spot... don't touch me! | | Quote: Originally posted by *ToNeS*
i love it when people know they've made a stupid joke. i love it even more when no-one laughs and leaves them standing there like a gimp. LIKE A GIMP I SAY ! | More like a jackass not a Gimp. |
09-10-2001, 10:18 AM
| | Registered | | Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: in my own little spot... don't touch me! | | | This will make you laugh, <a href="http://www.joecartoon.com/cartoons/stoneflies2.html">from my buddy Joe.</a> |
09-10-2001, 10:47 AM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: Boston area | | | Old stuff, but still good...
What's the difference between a lead signer and the PLO?
->You can negotiate with the PLO.
How does a singer change a light bulb?
->She holds onto it while the world revolves around her.
What do an electric guitar and a vacuum cleaner have in common?
->Both suck when you plug them in.
How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
->None-the piano player can do it with his left hand.
What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?
->You only have to punch the information into the drum machine once.
What's the difference between musicians and government bonds?
->Government bonds eventually mature and earn money. |
09-10-2001, 02:12 PM
| | Registered User
Endorsing Artist: Ibanez basses and Promethean amp | | Join Date: Apr 2000 Location: Atlanta | | What do you call a drummer that breaks up with his girlfriend?
Homeless!
__________________
There's a reason why women love us bass players.The tone is like Barry White's voice, and the strings are thick like Ron Jeremy's...well, you get the point.
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09-10-2001, 03:11 PM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Charleroi, Belgium | |
A drummer and a guitarist are in a car when a bird poops on the hood, the guitarist says "Do you think we have to clean it ? "
And the drummer answers " No i think it 's gone now.. "
__________________
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