On the verge of being fired (long)

pkmoor · #1 09-23-2010, 02:08 PM

First - some background: I'm in a wedding band that's been playing for about 3 years now. I've played with the bandleader in various projects for 17 years. The band is 8 pieces with the bulk of the band being under the age of 30. I'm the oldest and the only besides the bandleader with a family (wife and 2 kids).

Yesterday he asked the band who would be available for a gig this Saturday at a casino that would be 2 hours away. He had no time information and really no information beyond what I've already stated. My wife is already committed to something for 3 hours in the morning and I have to take my youngest son to sell popcorn for scouts in the morning and a soccer game in the afternoon, so I said I wasn't available.

He later stated that it would be later at night (we would start playing at 10). 2 other band members also could not make it (guitar and sax). My family has things we need to do Sunday morning so I said I still wasn't available (I should also mention that next weekend we have another gig 2-3 hours away that is pretty much going to kill the entire day Saturday, and then my wife has to travel out of the country for business for a week the following day). He then proceeds to give me a hard time about being the one making it so the band is unable to play. The guitar player had a gig with another band, so he's off the hook for having a "real" excuse.

I told him from now on I'm only going to answer available or not available and that I don't have to tell him what I'm doing so he can just pick it apart. He did this previously when he was trying to put together a showcase 2 hours away. I agreed to a date and then the singer couldn't make it, so he made it the day before I was going out of state for a week on vacation. Of course he blamed me for making him get a sub for the showcase and threatened to take it out of a future pay.

He says the available/unavailable thing is not going to fly and if that is going to be my attitude that "we are coming to a fork in the road". Let me add that I'm probably the hardest working guy in the band and that he calls me several times a week to discuss band issues.

What do you guys think? Who is being unreasonable? If I lose this gig I'll probably not do anything else for a long time because I really can't do anything more than 3-4 gigs a month due to the family.

snyderz · #2 09-23-2010, 02:12 PM

Family > Band

Personatech · #3 09-23-2010, 02:13 PM

He's being unreasonable - you'd think he'd know your situation and priorities after having worked with you over 17 years. Sounds like something else is bugging him - is this band his only paycheck?

anonymous02282011 · #4 09-23-2010, 02:14 PM

Unless this band is your primary source of income, get out now.

Music is supposed to be fun.

Remember?

Phalex · #5 09-23-2010, 02:15 PM

If you're unavailable, you're unavailable. Whether you're taking your kid to soccer practice or rescuing a group of hostages is kinda moot IMHO.

He sounds like the type of guy that doesn't realize there are more important things in life than playing in a band.

Disco Batman · #6 09-23-2010, 02:17 PM

I would have quit right then and there. I don't take ultimatums, or threats at all from anyone.

Maybe that's why I'm not in a band right now.

M0ses · #7 09-23-2010, 02:18 PM

He should be respecting your decision of family over band, certainly. Sounds like he may be being a bit bad-mannered about that. However, if that decision isn't right for the band, you have to deal with the consequences of that. Hopefully no one turns it personal.

kcole4001 · #8 09-23-2010, 02:27 PM

Threatening to take a sub's pay out of some of my future pay would be answered by: "Oh really? You better start looking for a replacement, then." if it were me.

The guy's being a self centered prick. I'd be done immediately, then and there.
There's no need of that.

StuartV · #9 09-23-2010, 02:28 PM

Him thinking that the guitard having a gig with another band is okay and you having a commitment to your family is not is totally retarded.

I'd be a lot more pissed at a bandmate that was making another band a higher priority than I would at somebody who has pretty much any non-band commitment.

pkmoor · #10 09-23-2010, 02:34 PM

Thanks guys. The bandleader does have a regular day job. He is the one who put this band together and the only one putting money into it, so whatever happens it's his call alone. We rarely get much last-minute stuff like this, but he's trying to get in with someone who can get us some extra non-wedding gigs. If it was local I wouldn't have as much of a problem. 2 hours isn't usually an issue for a wedding, since most times they end by 11:00, but if this casino gig isn't starting until 10 it would probably be 4-5 am by the time I get home.

Stingray5 · #11 09-23-2010, 02:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pkmoor

He says the available/unavailable thing is not going to fly and if that is going to be my attitude that "we are coming to a fork in the road". Let me add that I'm probably the hardest working guy in the band and that he calls me several times a week to discuss band issues.

It sounds to me like it's time for you to move on, and when you do, then and only then will he realize what he's lost.

Medford Bassman · #12 09-23-2010, 02:53 PM

Tell him to pound sand. You aren't highschoolers in a band, you're adults with committments outside a part time band.

He needs to get a grip.

I speak from experience.

Yerf Dog · #13 09-23-2010, 02:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pkmoor

"we are coming to a fork in the road"

Tell him where he can stick that fork.

Woofer · #14 09-23-2010, 02:59 PM

Sounds like a douche. Family always come first, IMO.

OT, what casino? I used to work at a casino near Pittsburgh before I moved south.

pkmoor · #15 09-23-2010, 03:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Woofer

Sounds like a douche. Family always come first, IMO.

OT, what casino? I used to work at a casino near Pittsburgh before I moved south.

The casino is somewhere near Yonkers.

Maybe I should point out that if he's going to stick to his answer that I'll just come up with a list of credible lies to use in the future - it'll all just mean the same in the long run.

LiquidMidnight · #16 09-23-2010, 03:53 PM

I disagree with the majority here. You're a bandmember in what sounds like a professional situation with professional goals. Unless it was stated upfront that the band is a pure democracy and the band doesn't gig because someone has something else to do that night, then I side with the band leader.

In that regard, if I were you, I'd resign and look for a band that was much more laid back and gigged when it was most convenient for everyone. If I were the bandleader, I'd ask for your resignation because it sounds like the goals and philosophies are different.

And +1 with being concerned over a member who gets off the hook because of another band committment.

Edit: Or I would make in-roads with my friendly, local bass players who would be willing to sub when you weren't available.

bhernco · #17 09-23-2010, 04:05 PM

+1 find a sub that will cover for you. Its hard to cover all gigs and family at the same time. Just make sure your sub knows you have first shot at the gig. I have the same setup with a local band. I am the backup for the main bass player!

**Thor** · #18 09-23-2010, 04:29 PM

People who don't make family their first commitment usually
end up not having one.

And I am not sure I would play long with a group that put
family welfare second.

MikeM · #19 09-23-2010, 04:31 PM

What kind of wedding band plays gigs on a weeks notice ?

Turock · #20 09-23-2010, 04:52 PM

I'm with the band leader. If he's out there doing the work hustling gigs, I'm gonna be there at gig time. I'll make other arrangements for anything else.