Very Frustrating. Rant.

insomniac2295 · #1 03-24-2009, 09:38 PM

Today, I got an e-mail from a festival committee letting me know which day my band is playing the festival. It's a week long thing that happens annually in my home town and features over 150 bands at several different venues all over town. It's only for local acts and since it only happens once a year, I've been looking forward to it for a while.

On the schedule they sent me, I saw that we were opening up for a local legend that hasn't played a show in over a year and a half. My natural reaction was, "Holy S***! I can't believe we got such a good slot!" I immediately shot the other two guys in my band a text sharing the good news. I got a text back from the guitarist in my band letting me know that he was stoked and all that jazz. Okay, so far,so good, right?

After that, I got a text from the drummer in my band telling me that he's going to be out of town, playing a baseball game that weekend.

I immediately shot him a text back saying that he's "got to be s****ing me!" The week that this festival takes place has been set in stone since at least the beginning of the year, and we signed up for it in February. He springs it on my TODAY that he's going to be out of town basically the entire weekend of the festival. All the good spots in the fest take place the last 3 days (as we found out last year when we played during one of the first 4 days and got a crappy slot).

Now, my family's been planning a trip to Boston to visit my sister on May 1st, since a few days after we registered for the festival in February. The last 2 days of the festival are May 1st and May 2nd. We are scheduled to play the 2nd. I told them I wouldn't be able to join them since I would be playing the fest. All of my family has their tickets already for the trip and I don't. Had I known what I know now, I would have been able to get a ticket on the same plane as the rest of my family, and at A MUCH CHEAPER COST. So, I asked my drummer (who's still in high school, as am I) if he could miss just this one baseball game so I wouldn't have to go through all the trouble and spend a butt load of money on a last minute plane ticket. What does he say back? "My mom said that there's no way I can miss this game."

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

We've been registered for this festival before he even started baseball this year. Tell me if I'm wrong but, I think this has priority over this one high school baseball game. Since we're still a relatively new band in town, we still have yet to make a name for ourselves, and this fest would help us a lot.

In his defense, he has been playing baseball much longer than he's been playing drums, and this is his last year of high school. But it's ONE game he'd be missing. Not that much to ask of him. I turned down vacation to play this show.

Baseball means a lot to him but, music means a lot to me and he needs to realize how his actions effect those around him. More importantly, his mom needs to stop being so controlling.

What do you say?

18eranaRic · #2 03-24-2009, 09:43 PM

you could find a fill-in just for the show, then scowl at him for the rest of his youth until he eventually quits because his mother's idea of priorities for her son.

dmusic148 · #3 03-24-2009, 09:46 PM

+1, find a sub. Or maybe a permanent replacement. Not cool to bail like that on a known date. Not cool at all.

smogg · #4 03-24-2009, 09:48 PM

Find a fill in drummer NOW and work yer arse off to get him ready for festival.

Larz48 · #5 03-24-2009, 09:54 PM

+1. But maybe he's just saying his MOM is making him go cuz he feels bad for bailing on you guys. I don't know, start looking for a sub.

lunarpollen · #6 03-24-2009, 09:55 PM

Yeah, it's over a month away, find a substitute drummer ASAP, there's plenty of time to get him or her up to speed on the material

manutabora · #7 03-24-2009, 09:56 PM

The trouble with working with highschoolers is that very often they behave as highschoolers. You sound more mature than that so I'd suggest that you find like-minded people to work with.

Dogbertday · #8 03-24-2009, 10:00 PM

just find a sub. Sounds like you have enough time to get it all ready even with a new guy. maybe the durrent drummer will help the sub learn the parts too.

Sports and music rarely mix well.. and both tend to think that thye are more important (no matter the situation) so when people who do both have to pick one, it always causes problems.. ask yourself these questions... could you do it with another guy?... how many people would he let down not doing the game as opposed to the gig? does he play a major position or is he a heavy hitter on the team? think of what you would choose... You've had this gig since february you said but chances are your high school sports schedual for the spring has been up since at least fall. and you wouldn't expect him to miss the whole season for "the band" would you?

insomniac2295 · #9 03-24-2009, 10:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by manutabora

The trouble with working with highschoolers is that very often they behave as highschoolers. You sound more mature than that so I'd suggest that you find like-minded people to work with.

Funny you say that because I'm a year younger than he his. He's almost 18 and still doesn't have his drivers license. A lot of times, I'll end up driving him to band practice at my house which is about a half hour round trip for me. Look what I get in return for all the countless dollars I've spent to driving him to practice. THIS

GearHeadBassMan · #10 03-24-2009, 10:05 PM

tell him you guys are playing the show with or without him. find a sub and start teaching, if there's a decent drummer in your high school band or something they should have no trouble learning a 30~ minute set in the next month.

you said it yourself, you already gave up your vacation. play the gig!

bigfatbass · #11 03-24-2009, 10:07 PM

You are young, and you all have many commitments in life right now. Whether you realize it or not, prioritizing them can be difficult. Don't crucify the dude because he has a game, that is a commitment, too. While it may not be what you would choose to do, for him it may be HIS priority. It doesn't mean the band isn't important, it just means the team is a little bit in the lead for him, AND his mom.

You have over a month, and it's only one set. Sounds like the perfect spot for a sub drummer. If you don't want to replace the ballplayer completely, involve him in the process of teaching the tunes to the sub so he feels included.

You have every right to be disappointed, I am not saying you are some whining teenager, you have a legit beef. Only saying the adult thing to do is get over the initial bummer, and be proactive. If you are serious about music, that is ALWAYS the way to go. The show MUST go on, opportunities are scarce, never take them for granted. Keep your slot, keep your plans, keep your sanity, and not necessarily in that order!

insomniac2295 · #12 03-24-2009, 10:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dogbertday

just find a sub. Sounds like you have enough time to get it all ready even with a new guy. maybe the durrent drummer will help the sub learn the parts too.

Sports and music rarely mix well.. and both tend to think that thye are more important (no matter the situation) so when people who do both have to pick one, it always causes problems.. ask yourself these questions... could you do it with another guy?... how many people would he let down not doing the game as opposed to the gig? does he play a major position or is he a heavy hitter on the team? think of what you would choose... You've had this gig since february you said but chances are your high school sports schedual for the spring has been up since at least fall. and you wouldn't expect him to miss the whole season for "the band" would you?

Thanks! This has been helpful. I think I'm going to ask him some of these questions next time I talk to him about it.

As far as him missing the whole season for the band, I've been very patient for him. Before this band started, I understood the large role that sports play in his life right now. Not only does he play baseball, he also plays hockey during the winter. He always checks his sports schedule to know for sure if he'd be able to do a gig or not, as he did in the situation. He gave me the green light to register in February.

ErebusBass · #13 03-24-2009, 10:17 PM

Welcome to the fun of the high school band.

Quote:

Originally Posted by insomniac2295

Funny you say that because I'm a year younger than he his. He's almost 18 and still doesn't have his drivers license. A lot of times, I'll end up driving him to band practice at my house which is about a half hour round trip for me. Look what I get in return for all the countless dollars I've spent to driving him to practice. THIS

I know the type... You can do better than him. I had a drummer who lived 45 minutes away. He didn't drive. I had to drive 120 miles to get him to and from practice. Three hours in the car total w/traffic for each practice. He always swore he was going to pay me for the gas...

insomniac2295 · #14 03-24-2009, 10:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ErebusBass

He always swore he was going to pay me for the gas...

sounds familiar..

Vakmere · #15 03-25-2009, 08:31 AM

Go to his baseball game, if he strikes out, flys out, or gets picked off at 2nd, fire him.

N8116B · #16 03-25-2009, 08:36 AM

We all have to make choices and prioritize things in our life. It seems that your drummer has decided that the band is a lower priority when he chose to schedule his baseball in spite of having made a commitment to the band.

You now have to choose. Do you want to have your band in the festival, or get a new drummer that is more committed to the band? If it is the latter you need to act now so that you will be ready. Your current drummer has already made his choice, no need to even consult with him on this one.

HogieWan · #17 03-25-2009, 08:40 AM

Get a sub for the show. If you like the sub better fire the baseball player

lousybassplayer · #18 03-25-2009, 08:53 AM

Everyone has hit it. Nothing wrong with dedicating yourself to sports if thats the life you wish, but last I checked Josh Beckett isn't in a rock band. The time is going to come for him again and again that he needs to make a choice between the two. Tough, but thats the score. I'd tell him he has an obligation to find and train a sub, and let him know there aren't any hard feelings and you understand, but you have decided to dedicate to music and he has to go. Even if he changes his mind again, the conflict is going to be a problem at some point. Do both of yourselves a favor and replace him before it gets worse.

TRCat · #19 03-25-2009, 09:09 AM

1. Keep your slot and go with the sub option.
2. Is your drummer a serious athlete? By that I mean is he gunning for an athletic scholarship? That might explain why his Moms is all for him playing ball.
3. If in fact he is in contention for a sports scholarship, then despite his piss poor planning, you might want to cut him some slack...just this once.
4. If not a serious athelete, then have a serious heart-2-heart to find out WTFO?

Just my $.02

LedBelli Bass · #20 03-25-2009, 09:31 AM

Its fun to read high-schooler threads!