Wedding band joke

pilotjones · #1 08-07-2002, 07:43 AM

Dear Bandleader:

We look forward to your performance at our daughter's wedding.

If you don't mind, we would like to request a few of our favorite songs. Please play these during the reception:

A Keith Jarrett composition from his solo series. Please arrange it for full ensemble in the key of B but nothing in 4/4 please.

Mahavishnu Orchestra, "Dance of the Maya" and please have the guitarist play John Mclaughlin's solo from the live performance Nov. 16,1972 at Chrysler Arena. My wife and I were at that show and we liked his use of polyrhythms.

One of John Coltrane's duets with Pharaoh Sanders. Our guests love high register tenor saxes.

We thought a little Stravinsky right after the toast would be nice. So please play "The Rite of Spring." We like a tempo of about 1/4 note = 93 and transpose it down 3 half-steps - it will be so much more appropriate for this occasion in the slightly lower register.

Then for the candle lighting ceremony, please play Frank Zappa's"The Grand Wazoo." The original key of B flat, would be fine but my cousin Jeannie would like to sing the baritone sax solo in the key of D--she has kind of a high voice.

When my new son-in-law takes off the garter, please just a little of Varese's "Ionization." It's such a funny piece, we think it would go over real well. Much better than "The Stripper." And for the bride & groom's first dance, please slow things down a bit by doing Barber's "Adagio For Strings." It's so much better than "We've Only Just Begun" or the "Anniversary Waltz."

When my wife and I join in the first dance, could you segue to Thelonius Monk's "Ruby, My Dear" - it's in honor of my wife's grandmother whose name was Ruby. It would mean so much to the family.

Thanks for all your help.

Depending on the outcome we'll certainly be happy to recommend your band to our friends. We'll have your check for the fee of $250 (minus our expenses in contacting you of $12.50 ) by the end of next month: we're a little short as the young lady doing the balloon arch wanted her $1,850 in advance and the DJ had to be paid up front his $2,500 as normal. Our daughter assured us that your love of music was greater than your need for money, and that you would welcome the exposure you would get from playing this wedding.

Before you leave, please feel free to ask the caterer for a snack sandwich and a soda (the bottles are returnable or you can pay the deposit to the butler). Please use the back entrance to avoid disturbing the guests.

Sincerely yours,
Alice Rockefeller Gates

Craig Garfinkel · #2 08-07-2002, 07:55 AM

ROFL

That's one of the funniest things I've ever read! Are you the author? It's genius, I'm tellin' ya...I'll be emailing that to more than a few cats I know will dig it.

l0calh05t · #3 08-07-2002, 08:05 AM

ROFLMAO

THAT really IS funny

Brendan · #4 08-07-2002, 09:03 AM

Good one!

pilotjones · #5 08-07-2002, 10:33 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Craig Garfinkel
ROFL

That's one of the funniest things I've ever read! Are you the author? It's genius, I'm tellin' ya...I'll be emailing that to more than a few cats I know will dig it.

No, I got it in an email today from a friend who plays in a wedding band. No indication of authorship. I thought it was great- I imagine it'll get around pretty quick!

Ridethebike · #6 08-13-2002, 06:48 AM

LoL easy then! Nice

Bob Clayton · #7 08-20-2002, 01:48 PM

thats great

bp13

merlin · #8 08-20-2002, 10:17 PM

Points award by the Joke Police:

4

Points awarded for laughability and arrogance. heehee

Merls

mans0n · #9 08-21-2002, 06:59 AM

eH

i didnt laugh or smile ;-\

JoelEoM · #10 08-21-2002, 07:42 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by mans0n
eH

i didnt laugh or smile ;-\

then you've very obviously never played a wedding.

Bruce Lindfield · #11 08-21-2002, 10:52 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by pilotjones
No, I got it in an email today from a friend who plays in a wedding band. No indication of authorship. I thought it was great- I imagine it'll get around pretty quick!

Yeah - I emailed it to all the people involved in the large Latin band I play in (14-20 people!) and they all loved it and passed it on to others!

We have played wedding gigs!

pilotjones · #12 08-21-2002, 11:19 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Bruce Lindfield

We have played wedding gigs!

I've never played a wedding myself, but I can well remember playing 4 hour gigs in Irish pubs, and receiving only $25, a shepherd's pie, and "the opportunity to share the music and gain experience."

Bruce Lindfield · #13 08-22-2002, 03:18 AM

It's like - can you wait around for 5 hours while we make speeches and announcements and don't disturb the guests - go and sit in this back room and if there's any food left over, you can have it!

I shouldn't complain really, as we have been very well-paid for gigs like this and they enable us to do more fun gigs for less - as well as commission tunes/arrangements and to have workshops with great pros in the field.