Weird wedding situation. Just read it...

bassgod0dmw · #1 08-10-2011, 06:51 AM

One of my guitarists is getting married. Some time last year he mentioned that he would want us to play at the wedding reception, and he wants it to be very "non traditional" We are primarily a progressive metal band, which I personally do not think is going to go over very well. I figured he would come to his senses, or the bride would put her foot down, but neither has happened. Not one of us has ever played a wedding. I think the drummer and I could do it, but I am suspect over both the guitarists. He said that we will play a bunch of covers, and maybe throw a few of ours in their as well (10+ min. instrumentals)...but has yet to tell us what those are going to be. He says he doesn't want it to sound too ridgid and rehearsed. Oh...and we don't currently have a singer.

So we've got the groom playing guitar, a drummer is also in the wedding party, and no lead singer. Playing aside, I'm not sure how that is going to work out. When I got married I didn't even have time to eat, let alone play a few sets with my band while my new bride watched.

So as we were discussing this last year, he mentions that there will be a few other musicians in the crowd, and it would be cool if other people would be able to play if they wanted. In my mind I'm thinking it's going to be a free-for-all. Unrehearsed people that have never jammed with each other playing for a wedding crowd. That'll go over well.

Here's the kicker that he told us last night. He wants these random people who we've never met to be able to use our gear. I'm not really keen on that idea, or the whole idea in general. So I let him know and everyone else chimed in feeling the same way. Mr Groom then gets super pissed about all of us saying we're not really okay with that. I finally caved and said fine, people can use my rig if needed. I'm still not really ok with it, but I'll get over it. I kinda doubt any bass players are going to have the balls to do it in the first place, if there are any bass players in the crowd at all. The drummer and other guitarist stand firm though, citing they don't want people playing their multi thousand dollar equipment...and then the groom chimes in and says he won't let anyone play his Jackson Soloist either. So we called him out on that, and he immediately got defensive again.

Am I wrong here? Letting random people play my rig at a wedding? Worrying about how the crowd is going to react to us? When i leave a wedding, we usually talk about how good/bad things were. All I can think about is how everyone is going to talk about how bad the music was. To me, it's got disaster written all over it.

facepalm.jpg

Sorry if any of it isn't clear. My head is still in a fog from it.

lowfreq33 · #2 08-10-2011, 07:19 AM

Just.... No.

Medford Bassman · #3 08-10-2011, 07:21 AM

I play numerous weddings. I don't allow guests to play my instrument or mess with my rig or any of the equipment for that matter.

We have alot of $$$ invested. WHat if they damage something? DO you thinkthey're going to pay for it? No chance.

That sounds like a wedding gig I would pass on. IMO.

chokeslam512 · #4 08-10-2011, 07:25 AM

That could be a bit disasterous. I would say no.

fenderhutz · #5 08-10-2011, 07:27 AM

It's going to be a trainwreck. You don't have a jam session at a wedding unless they are getting married next to 4 kegs of Pabst on a pontoon by the river.

I highly doubt the parents, uncles, aunts, kids at the wedding will appreciate the metalocity of the jam session.

**nutdog** · #6 08-10-2011, 07:30 AM

fenderhutz · #7 08-10-2011, 07:31 AM

NKBassman · #8 08-10-2011, 07:40 AM

Sounds like a not very well thought out plan to me, which is not something I'd want on my wedding day.

Hire a band, and talk to them about maybe doing one song with the groom at some point in the evening using your own instruments.

bassgod0dmw · #9 08-10-2011, 07:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Medford Bassman

That sounds like a wedding gig I would pass on. IMO.

I'm not sure i really have that option.

Quote:

Originally Posted by NKBassman

Sounds like a not very well thought out plan to me, which is not something I'd want on my wedding day.

Hire a band, and talk to them about maybe doing one song with the groom at some point in the evening using your own instruments.

The Groom wants it on his wedding day. This is entirely his plan.

Hiring a band isn't an option, they don't want to spend the money.

Beller · #10 08-10-2011, 07:59 AM

What lowfeq said!!

fenderhutz · #11 08-10-2011, 08:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bassgod0dmw

Hiring a band isn't an option, they don't want to spend the money.

I am guessing as a band I hope you have PA? Make a MP3 list and throw it on a laptop. Have a ghetto DJ.

No offense but for some reason the band scene from Slingblade keep playing over in my mind as the "wedding" gig.

dalkowski · #12 08-10-2011, 08:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bassgod0dmw

So we've got the groom playing guitar, a drummer is also in the wedding party, and no lead singer. Playing aside, I'm not sure how that is going to work out. When I got married I didn't even have time to eat, let alone play a few sets with my band while my new bride watched.

There's your answer. Groom's assignment is clear-cut: work the room with his bride, not d!ck around with his bandmates. What he's proposing is the recipe for a p.o.ed bride and a very chilly wedding night.

In my experience attending weddings, when the groom decides to sing or perform, the line at the bar usually gets longer. No one's interested.

Random people getting up to perform? That'll clear the room. And sharing your gear with said random people? Check, please....

But I understand that he probably thinks it's a genius idea. The typical guy doesn't understand what it means to be a groom until he's an actual groom.

Just say no. This whole crackpot scheme is the groom's problem. Don't make it yours.

Nev375 · #13 08-10-2011, 08:10 AM

One, you are not responsible for the wedding. If he wants to create a disaster, then by every means he has the right to go through it and (hopefully) learn what a dumbass he can be.

Two. Your gear is your gear. If it looks like you MUST go through with this and potentially have to share, bring your least valuable equipment. Duct tape over your amp knobs if you are afraid someone will tweak it up to melt-down settings and affix something to the top of the amp that prevents it for being used as an expensive cup holder.

Then three, find a nice place to sit back and watch the show... It really does sound like great entertainment.

Thunder Pulse · #14 08-10-2011, 08:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bassgod0dmw

Here's the kicker... he wants these random people to use our gear. I'm not really keen on that idea so I let him know and everyone else chimed in feeling the same way. Mr Groom then gets super pissed...

...and then the groom chimes in and says he won't let anyone play his Jackson Soloist either. So we called him out on that, and he immediately got defensive again.

That right there shows you how irrational he is. He wants everyone else in the band to let other people use their gear, but he doesn't want to let anyone use his, and he gets mad when you guys don't agree with that.

bassteban · #15 08-10-2011, 08:13 AM

^THIS^

Edit: @ Nev375, not Thunder Pulse(typing slow/not awake). Let the dude dig his own grave- I'm a little surprised at how no one else seems to sense the entertainment value in this. I could also see it actually being memorable in a good way.

Edit: Just saw the *he woants others to share gear but won't himself* part. Strictly on that note, F him.

dalkowski · #16 08-10-2011, 08:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nev375

It really does sound like great entertainment.

Right up there with the Hindenburg, live at Lakehurst.

DRafalske · #17 08-10-2011, 08:22 AM

I've seen jam sessions work at weddings before, though a perfect storm is required:

Excellent local wedding band - whose members are close personal friends of the family.
15 or so other seasoned, gigging musicians in said family.
Being musically inclined, the family expects such things at any sort of gathering.
Lots of beer, and yes it was near the river (what an odd coincidence!).

It was an incredibly fun wedding reception and we all had a blast. The groom did get up and play a short a set, while the bride danced with him on stage.

bassgod0dmw · #18 08-10-2011, 08:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fenderhutz

I am guessing as a band I hope you have PA? Make a MP3 list and throw it on a laptop. Have a ghetto DJ.

Yes, we do. That's been discussed as well. He's going to make an Ipod playlist to play during the times when we are not.

Quote:

Originally Posted by dalkowski

There's your answer. Groom's assignment is clear-cut: work the room with his bride, not d!ck around with his bandmates. What he's proposing is the recipe for a p.o.ed bride and a very chilly wedding night.

And random people getting up to perform? That'll clear the room.

But I understand that he probably thinks it's a genius idea. The typical guy doesn't understand what it means to be a groom until he's an actual groom.

Just say no. This whole crackpot scheme is the groom's problem. Don't make it yours.

Aside from the gear standpoint, these are all of the extremely valid concerns. He says that she is fine with it because he wants to do it and she supports him

He probably told her all of the goods point. Free band. Band over DJ. Fun. yatta yatta

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nev375

Two. Your gear is your gear. If it looks like you MUST go through with this and potentially have to share, bring your least valuable equipment. Duct tape over your amp knobs if you are afraid someone will tweak it up to melt-down settings and affix something to the top of the amp that prevents it for being used as an expensive cup holder.

That's what I brought up last night. My mexi P will be the "community" bass if it needs to be. It's not worth much and it's an excellent sounding player as well. The groom said he could bring his dirt cheap Squier POS and I actually said no. I don't want to have to deal with people using a crappy instrument that may or may not sound good due to poor upkeep. This isn't the time to "wing it" with untested gear as well.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Thunder Pulse

That right there shows you how irrational he is. He wants everyone else in the band to let other people use their gear, but he doesn't want to let anyone use his, and he gets mad when you guys don't agree with that.

Yep. The whole situation is ridiculous.

Arranger · #19 08-10-2011, 08:28 AM

Start rehearsing for the divorce party.

dalkowski · #20 08-10-2011, 08:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bassgod0dmw

He says that she is fine with it because he wants to do it and she supports him

Oh, brother....

Until she says "I'm fine with it" in person to the whole band, assume she knows nothing about it.