What the Craigslist ad MEANT to say...

Bluesy Soul · #1 10-26-2009, 02:37 PM

We all know you have to read Craigslist ads with a skeptical eye and take them with a grain of salt. Some are straightforward; but you can tell that many others are either sugar-coated or hyperbolized (from the verb: "to hyperbole"). Show an example of a actual Craigslist ad and re-write it to state what it might really mean:

For example, this ad appeared in the Denver Craigslist today (10/26/2009):

"I play bass and tin whistle and am looking for an acoustic guitarist to jam with. I can also do vocals. Interested in making atmospheric, dark, folky, nature-themed music, possibly with public performances. If you can do vocals and can play guitar (or keys), I'm very interested. I can already sample keys but an actual keyboardist would be great." Seriously.

It might also have been written as follows:

Psychotic recluse rocks out on bass and magic tin whistle. Seeks unplugged, equally whack guitard. If you can strum it, dude, I can scream it and lay down some killer grooves between whistle solos! 420 friendly. Let's play my weird and depressing tree-hugger songs for free at protests and rallies. I sampled keyboards once and you can also scream if you want. 420 OK. And hey, it'd be awesome to bring in another guy with a Casio (and some wheels) if he was 420 friendly too.

N.F.A. · #2 10-26-2009, 02:42 PM

heh heh

Hector_G · #3 10-26-2009, 02:56 PM

I think it could also say:

"Hi, I play bass and want to rip off 16 Horsepower. Any guitar players want to do the same thing?"

standupright · #4 10-26-2009, 03:01 PM

"hi, i am ian anderson's mini-me. just learned bass.....looking for comparable like sized and minded individual with little to no experience."

DBTOYS · #5 10-26-2009, 03:05 PM

HailCorduroy · #6 10-27-2009, 12:40 PM

This is an ad I answered and ended up playing with the guys for 2 weeks. My translation will show why it was only 2 weeks.

Original
We are a start up classic rock dance band with 1st set complete, working on our 2nd. Many of these songs we are still learning, come and grow with us. We are doing the songs as close to the CD as possible. We will add more keyboard style music when we have a keyboard player. We need members who can practice twice a week and be able to learn the tunes at home. Any age OK and must have good gear and trans. Help us build a cool classic rock dance band! Thanks and have a great week, { lead guitar }

Translation
You are already 15 songs behind and we aren't slowing down for you to learn them. We don't have jobs right now, so we practice 8 hours a day, hopefully you can do the same. If you can't, it's ok as long as you dedicate ALL your other time to learning the songs. If you are in another band already, we will resent you for that and complain about how that time could be spent on our songs. We are doing the songs EXACTLY like the CD, no questions. Help us build a cool band that I {lead guitarist} will run with an iron fist. Have a great week!

Steve! · #7 10-27-2009, 05:01 PM

this is genius!

Mr 600 · #8 10-28-2009, 12:28 PM

I love it! +10000

DarkArwen929 · #9 10-29-2009, 01:23 PM

HAHA.. More more.

jwbassman · #10 10-29-2009, 02:07 PM

http://nh.craigslist.org/muc/1438576491.html

Quote:

From NH Craigslist

Hi im looking to start a classic rock band in Sanbornville NH you dont have to be really be experence you have to have a instrument i need 1 guitarist 1 bass player 1 drummer and 1 keybordist and i wont play one but i will be lead singer well contact me on my email if you are intrsted ok thanks

What it really means:

Hi. I have absolutely no musical talent what so ever, but I sing every morning in the shower (well maybe I don't shower every morning), and I think I sound really good. I want to have a band that I can tell what to do. I don't know how to play an instrument, but I can tell you how to play it. I don't have a car and I'd need you to have a jam space. Contact me by email and I'll tell you how to get to my house to pick me up.

BTW, Those A**Hole Judges on American Idol can shove it, they sent me home after last seasons audition. they don't know what they're missing with me.

DRafalske · #11 10-29-2009, 03:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jwbassman

http://nh.craigslist.org/muc/1438576491.html

What it really means:

Hi. I have absolutely no musical talent what so ever, but I sing every morning in the shower (well maybe I don't shower every morning), and I think I sound really good. I want to have a band that I can tell what to do. I don't know how to play an instrument, but I can tell you how to play it. I don't have a car and I'd need you to have a jam space. Contact me by email and I'll tell you how to get to my house to pick me up.

BTW, Those A**Hole Judges on American Idol can shove it, they sent me home after last seasons audition. they don't know what they're missing with me.

You forgot:
"I don't have a PA either, so hopefully of you have a mic or something I can use."

jwbassman · #12 10-29-2009, 07:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DRafalske

You forgot:
"I don't have a PA either, so hopefully of you have a mic or something I can use."

LOL! You're absolutely correct!

HailCorduroy · #13 11-16-2009, 10:21 AM

Quote:

Players Wanted

Instrumental Rock. Satriani,Vai,Timmons,Ect. Yeah I know it's not cool. I don't care. Looking for drums and bass mainly. Must rule somewhat.

Translation...

I'm that dude you hear every time you walk into Guitar Center running scales as fast as I possibly can. The limited attention I get at Guitar Center isn't enough for me, so I want to take my guitar masturbation even more public. I could download a few backing tracks, but no one would take a guitarist playing to a backing track seriously, so I need a drummer and bass player who won't mind playing the same rhythm over and over while standing at the back of the stage in the shadows. Must be able to keep up with my insane amount of ability to wank endlessly.

Bluesy Soul · #14 11-16-2009, 11:19 AM

Here's an alternate format:

Gigging metal band seeks 5-string bassist. (SATAN'S STEEL GONADS rawk! And we're working on a second gig now, at a dance following one of the Friday night basketball games. We don't care about musical knowledge or technique. Our last bass player had a 5-string and the low notes sounded cool.) Pro gear and attitude required. (His bass had a skull-shaped body and the neck looked like a Viking sword! And he had humongous tats on both forearms and his eyebrow was pierced.) Age not as important as an appreciation of the genre and a commitment to the repertoire. (I guess it's OK if you're over 19, as long as you own lots of grungy, black tour t-shirts and don't nag endlessly about "dance tunes".)

lousybassplayer · #15 11-16-2009, 03:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bluesy Soul

Here's an alternate format:

Gigging metal band seeks 5-string bassist. (SATAN'S STEEL GONADS rawk! And we're working on a second gig now, at a dance following one of the Friday night basketball games. We don't care about musical knowledge or technique. Our last bass player had a 5-string and the low notes sounded cool.) Pro gear and attitude required. (His bass had a skull-shaped body and the neck looked like a Viking sword! And he had humongous tats on both forearms and his eyebrow was pierced.) Age not as important as an appreciation of the genre and a commitment to the repertoire. (I guess it's OK if you're over 19, as long as you own lots of grungy, black tour t-shirts and don't nag endlessly about "dance tunes".)

This is so common I am starting to think its a new type of internet scam.

guizzy · #16 11-18-2009, 05:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lousybassplayer

This is so common I am starting to think its a new type of internet scam.

Yeah, like you go to the audition and it turns out that the guitarist is prince of Nigeria and needs you to send him money to buy a PA through Western Union.

Fine Cut · #17 11-19-2009, 11:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by guizzy

Yeah, like you go to the audition and it turns out that the guitarist is prince of Nigeria and needs you to send him money to buy a PA through Western Union.

haha!

lousybassplayer · #18 11-19-2009, 08:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by guizzy

Yeah, like you go to the audition and it turns out that the guitarist is prince of Nigeria and needs you to send him money to buy a PA through Western Union.

Makes sense actually. And all the components are there. Broken English, incoherent thoughts and promises to deliver things that one can be fairly certain will never materialize.

Steveaux · #19 11-19-2009, 08:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lousybassplayer

Makes sense actually. And all the components are there. Broken English, incoherent thoughts and promises to deliver things that one can be fairly certain will never materialize.

Heh ... you just described 99.983% of teh interwebz.

lousybassplayer · #20 11-19-2009, 09:16 PM

Agreed unfortunately. And thanks for endorsing such a wonderful product. IT has enriched my life and simultaneously removed all traces of it from my memory.