What the Craigslist ad MEANT to say...

[B4snrise]

Originally Posted by HailCorduroy

This is an ad I answered and ended up playing with the guys for 2 weeks. My translation will show why it was only 2 weeks.

Original
We are a start up classic rock dance band with 1st set complete, working on our 2nd. Many of these songs we are still learning, come and grow with us. We are doing the songs as close to the CD as possible. We will add more keyboard style music when we have a keyboard player. We need members who can practice twice a week and be able to learn the tunes at home. Any age OK and must have good gear and trans. Help us build a cool classic rock dance band! Thanks and have a great week, { lead guitar }

Translation
You are already 15 songs behind and we aren't slowing down for you to learn them. We don't have jobs right now, so we practice 8 hours a day, hopefully you can do the same. If you can't, it's ok as long as you dedicate ALL your other time to learning the songs. If you are in another band already, we will resent you for that and complain about how that time could be spent on our songs. We are doing the songs EXACTLY like the CD, no questions. Help us build a cool band that I {lead guitarist} will run with an iron fist. Have a great week!

I think I played with these people too.

[hdracer]

I just saw this one in the Minneapolis Craig's List. Could somebody PLEASE tell me what he is saying???

"Singer looking to put together a rock band"

"HI my name is tyke Im a singer in the driver seat looking to make some stops. im eager to pick up a dynamic sliger with melodies of old van halen and motley crue a bass player that thump making love in the back seat of a car and an a drummer that has a fairwarning salute im clearing the deck boys so who ever wants to jump on board come on screamer is the band home is the twin cities email tykeprado@gmail.com or call 651-235-1666 cool how to hear the roars"

I'm lost???? What is he trying to say???

[HailCorduroy]

Originally Posted by hdracer

I just saw this one in the Minneapolis Craig's List. Could somebody PLEASE tell me what he is saying???

"Singer looking to put together a rock band"

"HI my name is tyke Im a singer in the driver seat looking to make some stops. im eager to pick up a dynamic sliger with melodies of old van halen and motley crue a bass player that thump making love in the back seat of a car and an a drummer that has a fairwarning salute im clearing the deck boys so who ever wants to jump on board come on screamer is the band home is the twin cities email tykeprado@gmail.com or call 651-235-1666 cool how to hear the roars"

I'm lost???? What is he trying to say???

I think he is saying he likes analogies a little too much.

[Dkerwood]

I'm a lead guitarist, i want to start a band and play metal, i wanna play thrash type metal,(Metallica, Megadeth, Slayer, Exodus, ect.) I love writing riffs and want a drummer that can keep pace. I want to very soon start writing all originals, want to learn covers first but then i want to play all original stuff. Already have 2 potential songs, hit me up if u wanna start a band with me and hopefully make millions one day, cus i take this **** seriously, so when u call or txt me, be ready to rock! Call or txt at...

I'm a wanker, I want to wank with more people while playing every song in drop D and sounding exactly like a bunch of bands from 20 years ago. I love to hear myself play, and want a drummer who won't get in my way. I want to very soon find new ways to show off my pentatonic scale; want to screw up others' songs first and then let everyone look at me. I already have 2 chords that I like to jam over for 5 minutes apiece. Hit me up if you wanna back me up and help me make millions one day. I take this so seriously that nothing short of censored profanity can possibly describe it... so when you call or text me, be ready to be frustrated!

[Steve!]

^BWAHAHAHAHA (tears)

[dohead]

This thread has potential to on becoming a megathread!

[MNAirHead]

My favorite was a nutball who wanted to do a Jayhawks cover (but refused to play Blue)

I could go on and on about the goofs that show up.. If I can sing better or play guitar better .. there's a problem.

[Gubna]

http://sfbay.craigslist.org/sfc/muc/1487667735.html

Ad title: Looking for the next John Bonham?

Hello all. My name is Jacob, I'm 18 and I'm an established drummer from Portland Oregon. Why am I posting in the San Francisco section? Because I'm looking for serious musicans to play with where the music scene is at. I can find a way to you but here's the problem. I have no place to stay (right away). So if you are a band (a good established one on some sort of label I hope) and you have an extra place for my drums and I to stay and I like your music then I'm your man. Lets do this, I'm ready to practice everyday, play shows every night, tour the country for weeks on end and record timeless masterpieces.

heres a link to a professional video that was done for one of my bands. Unfortunately the recording was never dubed over the video so the sound of the performance is pure and live at it's fullest.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ISyIpeYZbRs



I'm planning to run away from home soon, and while I have a drumset, and can play, it's really my bandana that sets me apart. Clearly, the San Francisco has the best music scene around because I've looked into it. I'm looking for other musicians with day jobs because that means you have a house, with a big garage where I can keep all my stuff - and you won't mind me hanging out and eating what's in your fridge because you'll be at work, working, y'know?

Oh, and the video isn't so great because it was high school talent show.

[Tony G]

http://albany.craigslist.org/muc/1489807776.html

Lifelong Habit Is Looking for A Bassist

We need you!!!!! And your killer bass skills. But in all seriousness we have been playing shows without one. go to www.myspace.com/lifelinghabit and if you dig it give us a shout.

What it meant to say: We played a gig the other day and the sound guy asked us where our bass player was. We didn't know what a bass was until we googled it, and then realized we should probably get one. If you have mad skilz come play with us so the sound guys doesn't hassle us anymore.

[caeman]

Future Note: Never post any band ad to CL without passing it by your guys first.

[JonathanD]

*****I have a like new Warwick Streamer / JazzMan 5 string bass. I purchased it new a couple years ago. Played it live like 3 or 4 times and practice with it about that much. Bass is awesome. You will love it. I just have 3 others that I play more and its taking up space. Its really too nice to just sit around so off it shall go to a good owner. This is from a smoke free/pet free home. Bass has no knicks or bumps or anything. Its pretty much brand new seriously. You would not be disappointed. It will also come with a hard shell flight case from warwick. Not one of those cheap cases or gig bags. so it will be and has been well protected since purchased. never stored in heat or anything. Its honestly been babied. Nice pick ups on it. bolt-on neck bass utilizes the Jazzman electronics configuration, which combines an MEC humbucking pickup with a MEC single-coil pickup. For added flexibility a mini-switch is provided that coil-taps the humbucker in 3 different ways. its also fretless but easier than you might think to play if you have never played a fretless bass before. Of course warwick has a smooth sound so I do not need to go into detail there. You already know. I also took a pic where the arm will lay on the bass to show you it has no wear or oil from my playing. Its really a brand new bass. Let me know if you are interested. Send me offers but dont waste my time with some stupid offer. Serious people only please.

No I dont need money so dont send me those request either. I do not want to trade as well. See pics for details.

If you have any questions, shoot me an email. I get those quickly.

Also if you want to know what one of these cost new...go to http://www.musiciansfriend.com/ and do a search for my bass. You will get an idea of what kind of deal you could get from me


thanks "********

I have a used bass I bought on discount at MF. I want you to pay more for it than I did.

[caeman]

"I am broke and need to unload my bass guitar. I don't want to appear desperate, so I am mentioning that I own 3 other basses, in hopes that you will take my asking price seriously. Please, I need more pot and my dealer won't take my bass in trade."