What's The Funniest Line, or Altered Song Title You've Come Up With?

LHbassist · #1 01-15-2008, 03:16 AM

O.K., I'm sure there are those bassists out there, like myself that are closet comedians. There's SO much that happens on gigs, some of it is pretty funny. Let's hear some! I'll start.. with the next post. Snappy comebacks, dirty song titles or lines (censor yourselves accordingly), and anything else that's funny!

LHbassist · #2 01-15-2008, 03:35 AM

About Ten years ago, I was playing an upright gig with my regular band, The Outpsyders, at Boomtown Casino. Boomtown is located on route 80, about 13 miles west of Reno, Nevada in Verdi. It is a truckstop, hotel, and casino with a small but good sounding little lounge. Great place to work in new material, as there's not many people there during the week, and no 'sound engineer' or db meter person to hassle with. We took full advantage of this, learning tunes in the dressing room, and literally playing them for the first time onstage right afterwards. Reno is about 2 hours due east from Sacramento, the state capital of California, and headquarters of the Western Swing Soceity. Members of The Western Swing Society would always come to see us during the week we'd play. They were quite elderly, and the founder's wife's name was Ruby. VERY nice people, and always great to see them. The other friends of theirs were in the same age group. One man, was probaly 80 or so, and was actually a trick rider in Hollywood during the western movie period. One of the 'things' about that band was the zaniness of the players. Every one of us was always trying to outdo the other in either practical jokes or one liners. Stink bombs were not off limits, I can assure you. On one of these opening night gigs there, this elderly gentleman approaches the stage just after we finished a tune.... and asks in a stereotypically old man's quivvering voice, "Have you seen Ruby?" -I couldn't help myself- it just blurted out of my mouth- I quipped - "I think she took her love to town!" The leader's jaw fell open, the violinist's knees buckled, I was astonished that the old man didn't hear it...that's probably good.. The pedal steel player couldn't believe it... the drummer fell out. That might have been my best snappy comeback line ever.

Wyatt · #3 01-15-2008, 09:37 AM

Matt Till · #4 01-16-2008, 05:45 PM

I don't get it... maybe...

dreadheadbass · #5 01-16-2008, 06:25 PM

weird alyanchovich version of ac/dc's "dirty deeds done dirt cheap" is classic he's changed it to "dirty deeds done with sheep"

LHbassist · #6 01-17-2008, 05:53 AM

Just a note... I wanted to hear us share amusing lines, and ideas we bassists and our musical associates come up with, not really from others......haven't any of you said or heard something someone in the band said that made you laugh on a gig? Haven't you ever come up with a funny song title, or song line? I hear stuff all the time, that kills me! That's the idea. Thanks, everyone....

dreadheadbass · #7 01-17-2008, 06:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LHbassist

Just a note... I wanted to hear us share amusing lines, and ideas we bassists and our musical associates come up with, not really from others......haven't any of you said or heard something someone in the band said that made you laugh on a gig? Haven't you ever come up with a funny song title, or song line? I hear stuff all the time, that kills me! That's the idea. Thanks, everyone....

well yes but the problem is half the time you'd have to be there to find it funny i could put down loads but you wouldnt find em funny unless you were there really sorry

Valerus · #8 01-17-2008, 09:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LHbassist

About Ten years ago, I was playing an upright gig with my regular band, The Outpsyders, at Boomtown Casino. Boomtown is located on route 80, about 13 miles west of Reno, Nevada in Verdi. It is a truckstop, hotel, and casino with a small but good sounding little lounge. Great place to work in new material, as there's not many people there during the week, and no 'sound engineer' or db meter person to hassle with. We took full advantage of this, learning tunes in the dressing room, and literally playing them for the first time onstage right afterwards. Reno is about 2 hours due east from Sacramento, the state capital of California, and headquarters of the Western Swing Soceity. Members of The Western Swing Society would always come to see us during the week we'd play. They were quite elderly, and the founder's wife's name was Ruby. VERY nice people, and always great to see them. The other friends of theirs were in the same age group. One man, was probaly 80 or so, and was actually a trick rider in Hollywood during the western movie period. One of the 'things' about that band was the zaniness of the players. Every one of us was always trying to outdo the other in either practical jokes or one liners. Stink bombs were not off limits, I can assure you. On one of these opening night gigs there, this elderly gentleman approaches the stage just after we finished a tune.... and asks in a stereotypically old man's quivvering voice, "Have you seen Ruby?" -I couldn't help myself- it just blurted out of my mouth- I quipped - "I think she took her love to town!" The leader's jaw fell open, the violinist's knees buckled, I was astonished that the old man didn't hear it...that's probably good.. The pedal steel player couldn't believe it... the drummer fell out. That might have been my best snappy comeback line ever.

NICE!

Munjibunga · #9 01-17-2008, 11:48 PM

[englebert humperdinck]
Sooo I sing you a song
Afterrrr the lovin'
And I brush back the hair
From your thiiiighs ...
[/englebert humperdinck]

LHbassist · #10 01-18-2008, 03:05 AM

Now you're gettin' it! Good one! Thanks! p.s., if you think it was funny, maybe someone reading it will as well....why not post it?

Jostein · #11 01-18-2008, 05:36 AM

Hairway to Steven...

Or the Michael Jackson collection:
-I'm looking at the man in the mirror, I'm telling him to change his face.
-I can't stop changing my face
-If you wanna make the world a better place take a look at your face and make a change.

buzzbass · #12 01-18-2008, 05:45 AM

Poop smells, and I'm cryin', poop smells and I'm cryin'

Sung to the tune of Peace Sells by Megadeth.

Steve · #13 01-18-2008, 11:43 AM

a couple of my all time fave's (and there have been a thousand butcherings):

"Love with someone new is hard to make"

getting changed to,

"Love in a canoe is hard to make"

And,

"You've painted up your lips and rolled and curled you tinted hair"

Getting changed to,

"You've painted up your lips and shaved off all your pubic hair"

kesslari · #14 01-18-2008, 11:55 AM

Oh man... there are so many...

One that has stood the test of time - slightly anxious before a big gig (and sung to the tune of "I feel pretty" from West Side Story)

I feel manic,
oh so manic,
in a panic, satanic, de-ranged,
And so manic
that the drummer prolly thinks I'm strange
(fa la la la la la la la la la)

BillyB_from_LZ · #15 01-18-2008, 11:59 AM

I'm getting together this summer with guys from our band in High School. One of the songs that we want to do is Cocaine. Since our "performance" will be for family (our aging parents and our teen aged kids) and friends, we figured it would be best to modify the lyrics. Since we're all in our late '40s and early '50s the title is now "Rogaine"

The lyrics will center on that subject. Without much effort so far, they'll be:

Verse 01

If you’re shiny on top, you wanna get a mop, use Rogaine

If you’re glarin’ round town, you wanna cover that crown, use Rogaine

Chorus

Let it grow, let it grow, let it grow, use Rogaine!

Steve · #16 01-18-2008, 01:51 PM

I almost forgot that one.

"Be like Richard Prior and set your ass on fire, propane!"

Jeff Martinez · #17 01-18-2008, 01:57 PM

Sung to the tune of Eddie Money's "Two Tickets to Paradise" -

"I've got two inches of paradise,
Let me pack your fudge and leave tonight"

unbasslichkeit · #18 01-18-2008, 02:10 PM

For country gigs I wrote a whole 'nother verse to Garth Brooks' "Friends In Low Places". They have this extra verse on some of Garth's live shows where he would tell his ex you "can kiss (my) a**" but I always thought that he could have come up with a better comeback that that:

(note: remember in the beginning of the song when he takes the groom's glass of champagne?)

Well I guess I was wrong I just don't belong
But then I've been down there before
Everything's alright I'll just say goodnight and I'll show myself to teh door
Hey I didn't mean to cause a big scene....
So here's your champagne glass, sir
You know She never was any good in the sack
Her mama's much better than her......
(Chorus)

EddieN · #19 01-18-2008, 02:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BillyB_from_LZ

I'm getting together this summer with guys from our band in High School. One of the songs that we want to do is Cocaine. Since our "performance" will be for family (our aging parents and our teen aged kids) and friends, we figured it would be best to modify the lyrics. Since we're all in our late '40s and early '50s the title is now "Rogaine"

The lyrics will center on that subject. Without much effort so far, they'll be:

Verse 01

If you’re shiny on top, you wanna get a mop, use Rogaine

If you’re glarin’ round town, you wanna cover that crown, use Rogaine

Chorus

Let it grow, let it grow, let it grow, use Rogaine!

I was in a band that did this song, as well. Much sped up & new lyrics, "It's a natural, it's a natural, it's a natural, MILK!"

Can't repeat the first verse on this site without editation.

LHbassist · #20 01-20-2008, 07:58 PM

I was in a casino band that did that tune, and we were not allowed to say that word onstage, so...here's the ones I made up-

Got a trailer out back, I heat with a tank - propane
I barbeque steaks, I think its a flank, with propane
Its' a tank, a tank, a tank, a tank, o' propane