Who wants to be the lucky person to join this band (If you can......)

BananaKing · #1 08-24-2008, 10:28 AM

I just saw this ad on Craigslist and figured that I'd post it here just in case you needed a little bit of a boost on making yourself feel better about the band that you're currently in....

Apocalyptic Christian Straight Edge Stoner/Doom

A Prophetic Straight Edge Stoner/Doom band is forming and members are being sought.

St. John's Wart and coffee are OK, but no cigarettes!
Must be familiar with The King James Bible.
No Catholics!
Tubes and analog gear only! No solid state amps! No digital delays or reverbs!

I'm not here to dis their religion, but some of those demands are kinda.............. insane.

Hahaha. Anyways, anyone else find any good ads recently?

Anyways, thought you could use a laugh

Matt Till · #2 08-24-2008, 10:36 AM

If you are familiar with the Stoner/Doom scene, it really is all about Tube amps and analog pedals. But the thing is, when people say Stoner Rock, you shouldn't be surprised when people show up to practice blazed... which is one of the many reasons why the term "Stoner Rock" is such bull ****. Damn you Sleep for essentially coining the term.

And, they just so happen to be sXe, those guys are super strict, and as far as being a Christian Doom band, Trouble beat them to the quick: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QjMajrwjaCk

Really, if you are familiar with "the scene," then that ad is super picky (I play stoner rock with a solid state amp), but it really helps narrow down the people they might want. If I was still a squeaky clean boy in my pseudo straight edge ways, I'd consider joining if they played good music and were willing to take a heathen such as myself. But, odds are, they wouldn't.

I could see it being funny from an outside perspective though for sure, the whole punk/metal scene in general is very ripe for parody.

BananaKing · #3 08-24-2008, 01:31 PM

Thats true.

I wouldn't dis that they want to play music or what they want to play at all, but the terms "Straight edge" and "Stoner/Doom" just got to me for some reason.

Oh well, ces't la vie................

baalroo · #4 08-24-2008, 02:08 PM

yeah, I "get" what they're saying, but Christian/doom and sxe/stoner is ridiculous. To have both in one ad is impressive.

fenderhutz · #5 08-24-2008, 02:10 PM

Why specifically mention St. John Wart? It's like asking for depressed band members.

Mike Shevlin · #6 08-24-2008, 02:19 PM

yea, well i guess when KISS first advertised for a guitar player the ad probably looked a little odd also...

'WANTED - guitar player for a band that wears lots of white make up, blows stuff up onstage, wears 7" heels, and has a fire belching bass player.'

Jim Carr · #7 08-24-2008, 02:22 PM

Real Craigslist Ad from 2001 below.
It was also printed and posted in the Stanford University Department of Music.
Anyone here get the gig? I like the barking part.

Urgent: Vocalist — Metal Bassist Needed!!!
Reply to: XXXXXXXX
Date: Thu Sep 27 13:47:06 2001

San Francisco-based [(screaching, barking, singing, etc)
80’s—hair metal] band seeks creative bassist who can also do vocals of some kind: (yelling, screeching, barking, singing, etc).

We play VERY loud, so you'll need VERY powerful equipment, otherwise we won't hear you!

We don't need a virtuoso! We just need a bassist with good loud tone!

We are a mixture of:
death/thrash/speed/black/crusty/punk/
experimental/metal
No rap. No Nu-metist with good loud tone!

We are a mixture of:
death/thrash/speed/black/crusty/punk/
experimental/metal No rap. No Nu-metal, please.

Download our music here: XXXXXXXXX
Listen to them, and email us if you are interested in being in this band.

XXXXXXXX
This is in or around XXXXXXXX.

Matt Till · #8 08-24-2008, 08:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fenderhutz

Why specifically mention St. John Wart? It's like asking for depressed band members.

Because you can't be straight edge and take Zoloft. I don't know if you know much about the straight edge scene, but I'd recommend looking into it if you want a good laugh.

Don't get me wrong, I'm 100% for kids making it cool to avoid drugs and alcohol, but instead of making it about staying clean, many make it a competition to be the MOST straight edge. Some say to be truly straight edge, not only must you avoid drugs/alcohol, but you must be vegan and abstain from sex. Basically, avoid anything that makes life worth enjoying, and you're the straight-edgist of them all!

Fassa Albrecht · #9 08-24-2008, 08:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Matt Till

Because you can't be straight edge and take Zoloft. I don't know if you know much about the straight edge scene, but I'd recommend looking into it if you want a good laugh.

Don't get me wrong, I'm 100% for kids making it cool to avoid drugs and alcohol, but instead of making it about staying clean, many make it a competition to be the MOST straight edge. Some say to be truly straight edge, not only must you avoid drugs/alcohol, but you must be vegan and abstain from sex. Basically, avoid anything that makes life worth enjoying, and you're the straight-edgist of them all!

It's more about knowing you're gonna get someone who's not so drunk/high that they can't spell bassist.

Ric5 · #10 08-24-2008, 08:39 PM

here's one currently on Craigslist Denver ...

Should I join?

http://denver.craigslist.org/muc/811149499.html

Ric5 · #11 08-24-2008, 08:45 PM

Here are some more ...

http://denver.craigslist.org/muc/810005255.html

http://denver.craigslist.org/muc/809842776.html

brem · #12 08-24-2008, 08:47 PM

And I thought bands hated to be labelled

nathanmcnathan · #13 08-24-2008, 08:53 PM

What a bunch of losers

**T. B. Player** · #14 08-24-2008, 08:56 PM

Realizing I believe in the words of Thumper's Momma (from Walt Disney's "Bambi") who told little Thumper, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all," I've decided to refrain from making a comment about how this type of music seems to be oxymoronic when you consider that musical talent is a gift from God, while loudness and "barking" are preferred traits of the successful band member.

kesslari · #15 08-24-2008, 10:27 PM

Quote:

Straight Edge Stoner

That's one beautiful oxymoron. Right up there with "Jumbo Shrimp"

Thunderthumbs73 · #16 08-24-2008, 10:33 PM

Not funny. Sad.

KsToaDangr · #17 08-24-2008, 11:28 PM

I kinda like this line though...

Quote:

5 people. 5 instruments. Its not a marriage proposal, its music.

BananaKing · #18 08-24-2008, 11:46 PM

Wow.

I realized after reading some more ads, how lucky I am to be in the band I'm in.

I'm actually a little more glad that I don't fit the mold for those people.

megadethjohn · #19 08-25-2008, 01:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Matt Till

If you are familiar with the Stoner/Doom scene, it really is all about Tube amps and analog pedals. But the thing is, when people say Stoner Rock, you shouldn't be surprised when people show up to practice blazed... which is one of the many reasons why the term "Stoner Rock" is such bull ****. Damn you Sleep for essentially coining the term.

And, they just so happen to be sXe, those guys are super strict, and as far as being a Christian Doom band, Trouble beat them to the quick: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QjMajrwjaCk

Really, if you are familiar with "the scene," then that ad is super picky (I play stoner rock with a solid state amp), but it really helps narrow down the people they might want. If I was still a squeaky clean boy in my pseudo straight edge ways, I'd consider joining if they played good music and were willing to take a heathen such as myself. But, odds are, they wouldn't.

I could see it being funny from an outside perspective though for sure, the whole punk/metal scene in general is very ripe for parody.

Uhhh...try telling the dudes from Trouble they're a christian doom band, I guarantee they'll either glare angrily at you or fall over laughing, depending on the kind of mood they're in.

Phalex · #20 08-25-2008, 01:30 PM

I thought 3G was pretty good: http://grandrapids.craigslist.org/muc/793338487.html