My bass is nothing like a woman.
My bass is warm and inviting. It sounds great all the time and never shrills that certain visceral ear torture that comes from women. It doesn't tell me what to do, it does what I want. It has never heard of a "honey-do list." I don't have to consult it when I want to buy something; even another bass. It is always ready, willing, and able to be used, touched, plucked, picked, slapped, caressed, held, etc. whenever I feel like it: even if it's 2:00am and I just returned from a bar, stinkin' of booze and in the mood to play because I saw some band with a smokin' bass player. My bass doesn't care if I'm only playing because I saw a hotter, younger, better sounding bass in action.
My bass is content being out on display for my buddies and it is just as content being locked away in a case. It assures me with it's gentle audible kiss when the world is stepping on me. It caresses me with it's song when I feel depressed. When I am down, it lifts me up. When I am sad, it makes me happy. When I am stressed, it offers relief. It is and will always be the better part of who and what I am. It has no opinion, as it's only concern is to be what I need it to be. It can be dirty and low. It can be regal and mighty. It is there, simply to please me. This level of satisfaction is not possible from a woman...
Of course guys, I should tell you that I am a divorced man
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