You KNOW It's Going To Be A Hellish Gig When---

[txbasschik]

<<<- when first stepping on the stage, it shifts and sags.>>>

This has happened to me.

My old band used to play at a place that had one of Willie Nelson's old houseboats rigged up for a stage. Poorly. The stage bounced and sagged as soon as I stepped up. I went to the far left end, found a joist, and set up on top of it.

"Cherie, we need you more to the center of the stage. You are too far away!"

"NO!!! I'm not setting up in an area that can't support the weight of my amp, and myself. *You* can set up there, if you want, but I'm staying over here!"

Couple months later, the entire thing slid into the creek behind it. Thankfully, no band was on it, when it happened.

And the owner used to be on the city zoning commission! You'd think he'd know better...

Cherie

[Thunder Lizard]

Originally Posted by dcr

Most hellish gig I ever had actually turned bad AFTER the show.

Girl lead singer got shot and killed by drunk boyfriend when they got home. We all got the call before daylight the next morning.

The band served as pallbearers at the funeral.

We all got to testify at the murder trial.

Bad scene all around.



dcr

I have NOTHING that could compare. I feel for you, man.
Suddenly my concerns and gripes don't seem very important at all.

[Thunder Lizard]

Originally Posted by MikeBass

Shoot, how could I forget this one:
I wear my bass kinda high (think Mark King) and the guitar player at the time was about 5'4" or so.
I turn around (with bass strapped on) and catch him square in the forehead with my headstock. And I'm not small, 6' and 220 pounds and not much fat. So when I swung around there was some force behind it!
Knocked him out cold. Bleeding like someone cut his face off.
As the DJ was introducing us and ending his song to a packed dance floor on a Saturday night.

He was fine, except for a nice cut in his forehead. We went on 20 min late.
But he still played!
And come to think of it, the Yamaha I had didn't even go out of tune!!

HA, reminds me of doing the "three metal bashers in a line bopping headstocks thing" and the center guy getting out of time. I bopped down. He bopped up. I caught a Jackson inverted headstock to the face. (not so much of a loss, LOL). Finished the song with my glasses hanging dang near sideways and a cut above my eye making me look like I failed the Gene Simmons blood spitting class. That guitar player felt so bad for weeks..... and really, it's just one of those things. (he ended up switching to his Les Paul for that song, LOL, not like we were gonna stop our big choreographed metal moves!!!... sidebar..... the Les Paul hurts more, but bleeds less)
OR.... early in my playing, getting called to cover a missing bassist for a band that does an entire ACDC SET..... ok, no brain buster, we're good......but it's a country bar. FIRST bad moment...the rental PA does not show up, and we have no time to find another..and someone says "HEY....your amp has 2 inputs and 2 different volumes......and suddenly I've provided the sound sytem. (Old Acoustic combo- mean brute, not much of a PA tho, LOL)
Halfway thru the ACDC thing, the crowd's getting unruly and hollering country, so the drummer starts the classic country groove, and we, being good sports, join in. Drummer......who has a mic (dangerous, I know) decides to write a new song......and sings us the very first version of.........."Country Faggots".
Good thing they had a sense of humor. I was hiding behind anything I could.

[atruedinguss]

All true:

1. When your drummer goes skiing the DAY OF THE GIG and SPRAINS HIS WRIST!
2. You forget the power cord of your amp, leaving it plugged into the wall at home, and have to steal one from the church's computer monitors.
3. Your lead guitarist jumps off the stage during "As the Deer," a REALLY calm song. Luckily this was only during rehearsal for a church gig.
4. You're not the bass player.
5. In the above story, you're playing a 1949 Epiphone Triumph guitar, lacking a pickup, and being mic'd by a supermic.
6. The 6th, and 15th-20th frets are coming up from the figerboard on the treble strings on the above guitar.
7. Your guitarist is playing a 12-string that's missing at least 1 string, hasn't been restrung in 4 years, and is grossly out of tune.
8. You're playing an unamplified upright on the above gig and the guitarist is singing, but opts to mic his guitar, as opposed to his voice (he's got a big voice, though).
9. The above singer/guitarist is playing every song at double speed, sometimes triple speed.
10. The other band, including the guitarist that jumped off the stage during "As the Deer" plays a punk version of the same song, and this time, the lead singer jumps off the stage, almost putting a mic stand through his skull.
11. Upon playing a cover of the Newsboys' "Breakfast," cereal gets thrown at you, even though it's what's supposed to happen during that song. The bad part is: you start slipping all over the place, and you have to clean it up later.
12. Ten minutes before the above gig, your brand new wireless system stops working, but the sound guy gets it working again.
13. Your lead guitarist never rehearses. Hell, he's not even in the band.
14. You're the drummer for the above gig.
15. You have to go through a DI box. Period.
16. You have to go into the system, even though your 2x10 combo is perfectly cabable of driving itself.
17. You have to play somebody else's bass, a cheap AzaLea (who?) with a single, cheap, MM-style pickup, and the pots don't do squat.
18. You go mountain biking, get run into by somebody, fall, slice open your left thumb, and have a gig later that night.
19. You have to read the bassline from the hymnal. It's so _small!
20. You have big-@$$ blisters on your index and middle fingers on your plucking hand, and you can't use a pick.

[Bushfire]

No one stands up.

-Bernard.

[The 0x]

The organizers ask "What's a PA system?"