Attention all jazz players

jtlownds · #1 12-20-2008, 11:48 AM

Jazz players, here is your chance to get rich. A friend forwarded the following email to me, and I thought that I should share the wealth.

Dear Friends,

My name is Ndugood. I am a wealthy Nigerian prince who loves the jazz of music. I am seeking your help to move $200,000,000 from my checking account here in Nigeria to the United States.

I too love the jazz of music and am planning to flee to America to open many jazz clubs at which I would like you to perform. You will receive $42,000 a night, plus a meal. My new "Tribal Village Vanguard" clubs will be of great success and you will become rich like the rest of American jazz musicians. I have already applied for building code exemptions to allow thatched stages and the spearing of live animals.

But I desperately need your help. My tribe, the Swindlisi, a peaceful jazz-loving people, has been horribly oppressed by the ruling military junta, which despises the jazz of music. My father, an exiled king and booking agent, was recently imprisoned under the Draconia n "three gigs you're out" law. And now I must flee my beloved country with all of my improbable wealth. But I need help in moving it. I have so much money that it will not fit in the allotted two checked bags and one carry-on. I am therefor want to transer the money through your ATM system. (The Nigerian ATM system cannot exchange international currencies; it only converts "antelope to money").

So please to just provide me with your full name and address, social security number, bank account and PIN numbers. And you will become incredibly (literally) rich from playing many jazz gigs. (Note: normal Nigerian Musician's Union rules apply: three hour performances, two 15 minute breaks allowed, musicians to provide their own mosquito nets, one open fire per bandstand, one free meal plus anything you kill).

Act now. The first ten musicians to respond will receive a free copy of the Nigeria's Greatest Jazz Hits CD, by our beloved 'Disoriented' Gillespie Band, which contains the hits:
The Night Has A Thousand Flies
Goodbye Shrunken Head
Here's That Rainy Season
Just Tribesmen (Lovers No More)
Take the 'A' Trail
When I Fall In Quicksand
Half-Nelson Mandella
Blue Monkey
Leopard Skins and Moonbeams
Blue Mombossa
Almost Like Being In Lagos
Sunny Side of the Goatpath
I Didn't Know What Century It Was

Thank you for your many help.

Your inordinately wealthy Nigerian brother,

Prince Ndugood

txstatebass · #2 12-20-2008, 12:03 PM

I don't even know what to think of this post...

Marcus Johnson · #3 12-20-2008, 01:18 PM

Take the A trail!

jtlownds · #4 12-20-2008, 01:23 PM

The Sunny side of the goatpath is one of my all time favorites

Treyzer · #5 12-20-2008, 02:25 PM

This one has been going around. a member of the Kauai Arts council sent it to me. "Here's That Rainy Season" and "Blue Mombassa" are my 2 faves. BY THE WAY...DON'T TRUST THIS PRINCE GUY.....

jtlownds · #6 12-20-2008, 04:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Treyzer

BY THE WAY...DON'T TRUST THIS PRINCE GUY.....

Don't trust the prince? Now you tell me, I all ready sent him my info. I got so excited about spearing live animals, that I couldn't resist. I haven't killed an animal on a gig in a long long time. I once had a cat go into cardiac arrest during an arco solo, but that's about it. I like cats, but I can't eat a whole one.

hdiddy · #7 12-20-2008, 05:16 PM

zomg. that is so wrong. LOL!

Jim Calhoun · #8 12-20-2008, 05:28 PM

"When I fall in quicksand
It will be forever........"

Paul Warburton · #9 12-20-2008, 06:18 PM

Jim...(Lownds)...I've always had this strange sense about you.
Thanks for confirming.

Treyzer · #10 12-20-2008, 06:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jtlownds

Don't trust the prince? Now you tell me, I all ready sent him my info. I got so excited about spearing live animals, that I couldn't resist. I haven't killed an animal on a gig in a long long time. I once had a cat go into cardiac arrest during an arco solo, but that's about it. I like cats, but I can't eat a whole one.

Jim, did you mean cat like another musician or a real cat?

jtlownds · #11 12-21-2008, 02:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Paul Warburton

Jim...(Lownds)...I've always had this strange sense about you.
Thanks for confirming.

You're welcome honey.

jtlownds · #12 12-21-2008, 02:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Treyzer

Jim, did you mean cat like another musician or a real cat?

Real cat (4 drumstick variety). I couldn't harm a musician, well, maybe a drummer.

TomSauter · #13 12-21-2008, 02:52 PM

Who keeps $200,000,000 in their checking account?

jtlownds · #14 12-21-2008, 02:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TomSauter

Who keeps $200,000,000 in their checking account?

Apparently, it's an old Nigerian custom.

bribass · #15 12-22-2008, 02:09 AM

I got that email too. The one that really made me gfaw was 'Blue Mombossa'.

jtlownds · #16 12-22-2008, 10:14 AM

I'm surprised that they didn't have "Honey suck my toes" on that CD. Major disappointment.

Ed Fuqua · #17 12-22-2008, 12:05 PM

I got a similar e-mail, only except it wasn't from Nigeria, it was from Betabringastan...

Tazwell Minnit · #18 12-27-2008, 06:16 PM

Hello Gentlemen: My name is Tazwell Minnit. I am the business agent for Prince Ndugood of Nigeria. I'm just writing to thank you for your appreciation and support of our endeavors. As a token of our gratitude, here is one of our older emails that might interest you:

Well friends, I'm on to my next endeavor, since my previous fund-raising campaign was less than fully successful [note to self-- never again use the phrase "no contribution is too small"].
I'll soon be releasing a 2 CD compilation set of classic recordings by my old cowboy jazz band, Rodeohead. Here are the tunes:
Disc One-- Relaxin' at Amarillo
Dear Old Stockyard
Hoofprints
Freddie the Freeranger
Goodbye Stetson Hat
I Can't Get Saddled
Lullabye of Midland
April in Paris, Texas
Freedom Barn Dance
I Remember Cleetus
One Goat Samba
Bewitched, Branded & Bewildered
Take the Hay Train

Disc Two-- Chester Leaps In
Ruby, My Beer
Spring Can Really Hang You The Most
Quiet Fights In Quiet Bars
Up Jumped Slim
You Go To My Herd
Off Miner
That's Earp Brothers
Fables Of Festus
Darn That Jean
If I Were A Cowbell
Almost Like Being In Lubbock
Gentle Rein
A Pretty Mule Is Like A Melody
Gee Gabby, Ain't I Good To You

*Special thanks to Corbis, Inc. for cover art photo
of Doc and Billy Holiday.
**Thanks to Columbia Publishing for rights to Rogers & Hart (Roy and Lorenz) materials.
***Vocalese by the OK Chorale courtesy of Verve Records, Inc.

Order your copies now! In keeping with Rodeohead's open source philosophy, fans are allowed to purchase the CDs for whatever amount they deem appropriate. No contribution over $29.99 is too small.
Your pal, Tazwell Minnit.

Marcus Johnson · #19 12-27-2008, 06:44 PM

LOL.... I love it. "Dear Old Stockyard"

JDubbleyoo · #20 12-27-2008, 10:18 PM

Vol. 2:
Ropin' in Rhythm
A Portrait of a Jenny
'Till There Were Uwe (The Uwe-You thing is limitless)
Strodeo Rodeo
People Will Say We're in Lubbock
Mornin'
In Pursuit of the 27th Heifer
Do You Know What it Means to Miss Valvoline?
My Little Suede Boots
Change Pardners
One Morning in Maybelle
The S#*+ We Kicked Last Summer

....sorry...too many hotel gigs...