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10-29-2005, 06:40 AM
|  | GOLD Supporting Member | | Join Date: Mar 2000 Location: New Joisey Shore | | | C, an E-flat, and G go into a bar...
C, an E-flat, and G go into a bar. The bartender says: "Sorry, but we don't serve minors." So, the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished: the G is out flat.
An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. A D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me, I'll just be a second."
An A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and exclaims: "Get out now! You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight." The E-flat, not easily deflated, comes back to the bar the next night in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes.
The bartender (who used to have a nice corporate job until his company downsized) says: "You're looking sharp tonight, come on in! This could be a major development." This proves to be the case, as the E-flat takes off the suit and stands there au natural. Eventually, the C sobers up and realizes in horror that he's under a rest. The C is brought to trial, is found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an upscale correctional facility.
On appeal, however, the C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless. The bartender decides, however, that since he's only had tenor so patrons, the soprano out in the bathroom, and everything has become alto much treble, he needs a rest and closes the bar.
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10-30-2005, 10:16 PM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: New York, NY | | How can you even respond to that?! 
The joke is bad enough...what's worse is that I actually went back to try and figure out the chord-theory behind it. 
Well done, Bob. Where'd you come up with that?
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10-31-2005, 06:22 PM
| | GOLD Supporting Member | | Join Date: Mar 2000 Location: New Joisey Shore | | Quote: |
Originally Posted by lowendforlife How can you even respond to that?!
The joke is bad enough...what's worse is that I actually went back to try and figure out the chord-theory behind it.
Well done, Bob. Where'd you come up with that? | An old friend emailed it to me. I thought it was pretty clever, don't know its origin. |
11-02-2005, 12:35 AM
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Endorsing: Ampeg | | Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Apopka, FL | | | LOL...so silly it's brilliant! |
11-02-2005, 12:51 AM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Urbana, IL | | | Wow, someone really had to think that through. I had to re-read a few parts to really get it.
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11-04-2005, 02:52 PM
|  | Registered User | | Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Seattle, WA | | | Minors
I've seen several iterations of that. It keeps growing and getting funnier. While we're off the subject:
A duck waddles into a bar, hops on on the barstood and says "I'd like some strawberries, please."
The bartender says "what...uh...huh...we don't have any strawberrys...and WE DON'T SERVE DUCKS. GET OUT OF HERE!"
The duck hops down and waddles out, but comes back the next day and repeats the conversation with the bartender (if we were actually in a bar telling this joke, I would make you suffer through it a few times)
Finally one day the duck comes in and hops up on the bar stool, but this time the bartender says "Listen duck. I've told you we don't have strawberries and we don't serve ducks. The next time that you come in here, I'm going to nail your flat feet to the bar and beat you in the head with the hammer until you're dead."
The duck, silently and slowly hops off the bar stool, waddles out and doesn't come back for several days. The bartender felt vindicated and moved on to his other customers until one day the duck waddled back in, hopped on the barstood and says
"Hi, got a hammer?" The confused bartender said "um...no." to which the duck replied "Great! Got any strawberries?" |
11-04-2005, 04:33 PM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Hong Kong | | Exceptionally cute  |
11-05-2005, 10:16 AM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Hummelstown, PA | | Funny! Thanks, Bob, for putting an ear-to-ear grin on my face this morning. That is definately a classic! 
~ jtg |
11-08-2005, 02:45 PM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Southeastern Virginia | | Great Bob, have sent it out to my friends. I also had to read it a couple of times to get it all.  |
04-13-2006, 04:56 PM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Pensacola, FL | | | Well Bob that was pretty different.....
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04-19-2006, 03:58 PM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Austin, Texas | | | that is the ultimate of puns as far as i'm concerned. |
04-19-2006, 04:02 PM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Chico, Ca | | | that sucked
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04-19-2006, 04:11 PM
|  | Bare Bones Bass Builder | | Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Denver, CO | | Quote: |
Originally Posted by TroyK I've seen several iterations of that. It keeps growing and getting funnier. While we're off the subject:
A duck waddles into a bar, hops on on the barstood and says "I'd like some strawberries, please."
The bartender says "what...uh...huh...we don't have any strawberrys...and WE DON'T SERVE DUCKS. GET OUT OF HERE!"
The duck hops down and waddles out, but comes back the next day and repeats the conversation with the bartender (if we were actually in a bar telling this joke, I would make you suffer through it a few times)
Finally one day the duck comes in and hops up on the bar stool, but this time the bartender says "Listen duck. I've told you we don't have strawberries and we don't serve ducks. The next time that you come in here, I'm going to nail your flat feet to the bar and beat you in the head with the hammer until you're dead."
The duck, silently and slowly hops off the bar stool, waddles out and doesn't come back for several days. The bartender felt vindicated and moved on to his other customers until one day the duck waddled back in, hopped on the barstood and says
"Hi, got a hammer?" The confused bartender said "um...no." to which the duck replied "Great! Got any strawberries?" | A friend of mine insists on telling a variation of this joke every time we go out to whoever is foolish enough to listen. His involves a frog and grapes, but it's the same deal. So far he's the only one who thinks it's really funny. Maybe I'll give him your email or something...
Matt |
04-19-2006, 04:43 PM
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Originally Posted by stringbass69 A friend of mine insists on telling a variation of this joke every time we go out to whoever is foolish enough to listen. His involves a frog and grapes, but it's the same deal. So far he's the only one who thinks it's really funny. Maybe I'll give him your email or something...
Matt | The duck is far funnier than the frog. Frogs just aren't as funny as ducks. Send him the E-mail, and tell him that if he won't stop telling the stupid joke, to at least change it to DUCK, as it is, after all, funnier (however slightly).  |
04-20-2006, 01:07 PM
| | Bare Bones Bass Builder | | Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Denver, CO | | Quote: |
Originally Posted by Basshole The duck is far funnier than the frog. Frogs just aren't as funny as ducks. Send him the E-mail, and tell him that if he won't stop telling the stupid joke, to at least change it to DUCK, as it is, after all, funnier (however slightly). |
And you know what's even funnier than ducks? Platypuses. Doesn't really roll of the tongue the same way though. Might slow the joke down...
Matt |
04-20-2006, 10:35 PM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Australia | | | hehehe, badomching!
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04-20-2006, 11:16 PM
| | "Working Bassist" | | Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Los Angeles, CA | | Quote: |
Originally Posted by stringbass69 And you know what's even funnier than ducks? Platypuses. Doesn't really roll of the tongue the same way though. Might slow the joke down...
Matt | An Aardvark might work... |
04-21-2006, 12:54 AM
| | Bare Bones Bass Builder | | Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Denver, CO | | Quote: |
Originally Posted by airbass An Aardvark might work... | I'm sorry, but I think flat feet are a minimum requirement for this very unfunny joke.
Matt |
04-21-2006, 07:55 AM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Seattle, WA | | | Yes, gotta have flat feet for the joke to work. And I think strawberries are much funnier than grapes.
Here's the new one that I insist on telling every time I go out and am around people who I'm not sure can handle more adult jokes,
These two antenna meet and fall in love. They got married on a roof top. There wasn't much to the ceremony, but the reception was amazing. |
04-21-2006, 09:33 AM
| | "Working Bassist" | | Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Los Angeles, CA | | Quote: |
Originally Posted by TroyK Yes, gotta have flat feet for the joke to work. And I think strawberries are much funnier than grapes.
Here's the new one that I insist on telling every time I go out and am around people who I'm not sure can handle more adult jokes,
These two antenna meet and fall in love. They got married on a roof top. There wasn't much to the ceremony, but the reception was amazing. | These two Aardvarks fall in love.They got married and....darn, doesn't work there either.. |  | Thread Tools | Search this Thread | | | | 
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