I'm sure we've all heard at least one of these before, but I saw a couple new ones that made me chuckle.
Q: What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?
A: A tattoo.
Q: What's the similarity between a drummer and a philosopher?
A: They both perceive time as an abstract concept.
Q: What's the difference between a jet airplane and a trumpet?
A: About three decibels.
Q: How do you get an oboist to play A flat?
A: Take the batteries out of his electronic tuner.
Q: What's the difference between a SCUD missile and a bad oboist?
A: A bad oboist can kill you.
Q: Why are harps like elderly parents?
A: Both are unforgiving and hard to get into and out of cars.
Q: What's the difference between a Wagnerian soprano and a baby elephant?
A: Eleven pounds.
Q: How many guitar players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 13 - one to do it, and twelve to stand around and say, "Heck, I could do that better!"
Q: What's the difference between alto clef and Greek?
A: Some conductors actually read Greek.
Q: How does a young man become a member of a high school chorus?
A: On the first day of school he turns into the wrong classroom.
Vibrato: Used by singers to hide the fact that they are on the wrong pitch.
Q: How can you tell when a singer is at your door?
A: They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
Q: What's the difference between a dead chicken in the road, and a dead trombonist in the road?
A: There's a remote chance the chicken was on its way to a gig.
Q: What do you do if you see a bleeding drummer running around in your back yard?
A: Stop laughing and shoot again.
Soprano Solfege: do, re, mi, me, Me, Not You, ME!!
Q: What's the perfect weight of a conductor?
A: Three and one-half pounds, including the urn.
Q: How do you get a three piece horn section to play in tune?
A: Shoot two of them.
Q: What do you call a musician with a performance degree?
A: Night manager at McDonald's
Q: Why are violas larger than violins?
A: They are the same size. Violinists' heads are just bigger.
Q: How are trumpet players like pirates?
A: They're both murder on the high Cs.
