Don't you ever wish you played flute?

[shostkontrabass]

When we had some relatives over, I decided to give a little performance for them. I was talking with my aunt after I was done, and she had no idea basses played with a bow! She said, "I though the basses just plucked away in the back of the orchestra!" Hmmmm.....

[mattgray]

My favorite response is when I show people this picture:



Gets the best of wide-eyed looks!

[Roger Davis]

Well, sometimes when, at the end of a gig, I try to push the bass and myself through a pair of swing doors and find the car in the rain I actually do wish I played a piccolo.

Since I've been playing EUB I actually miss some of the comments, so I'm thinking of putting the Steinberger in a DB case with a pair of cushions to bulk it out. (only joking - I think)

Twice I've gone up to (usually blonde, gorgeous harpists) and in a moment of irony(?) asked 'how do you get that under your chin? To my shame, unlike us crusty DBers, they both replied good humouredly and we had a very pleasant conversation. In fact the second one understood my remark because her boyfriend was a bass player and we had a good laugh.

[penguinbassist]

I always get that flute one.

The reason they have DB's in an orchestra is to use up the bits from making violins.

[nathanmcnathan]

I got it for the first time today, from an old guy. I was going to pretend I found it funny, but I couldn't.

[Marcus Johnson]

Originally Posted by nathanmcnathan

I got it for the first time today, from an old guy. I was going to pretend I found it funny, but I couldn't.

I know... it's hard to crack that smile. Wait 'til you've heard it a thousand times...

Then there's "Whoa... big guitar!".... I always feel a little nauseous when someone trots that one out one more time.

[nathanmcnathan]

I love the 'big guitar' line almost as much as "cello!'

[bumbleBur2slow]

Originally Posted by Bijoux

but worst than that is that people believe I play the Cello, and on one occasion a girl almost got into an argument with me trying to convince me that I played the cello instead of the bass.

I hate that!!! I HAVE gotten into arguments with people about that. they were completely under the impression i playyed the cello but i told them i didn't and they thought i did'nt know what instrument i played. One of my friends also tried to convince me that I played the tuba. and that was always fun. so no i am just like "yea i play the tuba..." whenever she asks. its sad, but kind of funny.

[Zondra]

I just discovered this thread and read the whole thing. Got a few new responses to the standard, "don't you wish you played a smaller instrument?" question - thanks... I'll have to use those.

When I get the flute comment, I like to tell people that my bass case is a flute case, and then pull a flute out of the bow pocket (I don't play with a bow, so that long skinny pocket has other uses) & start playing it, and discussing flute stuff with them, totally throwing them off from the original flute/size question.

I also tell people that I had to get a smaller instrument because the piano was just getting too heavy to lug around. So this bass IS my smaller instrument.

When I was a teenager (a 5'2" tiny female) & I played in a bluegrass group with my Dad and his friends (all big tough, older football player type built guys), people always made the comment, "why does the smallest person have to carry the largest instrument?" So, we started messing with them & making our arrivals and departures a comedy routine. I would have the bass on my back, the fiddle strapped to my front, and then a banjo in one hand and a guitar in the other... We'd walk into a gig like that - with me carrying everything and the big strong men carrying nothing. We got some good laughs, but one time we were playing at a nursing home, and they didn't understand that it was a joke. They were so mad at those mean men for making me carry everything. I'm now playing in a group where I'm the only person under 6'6" tall (I'm still only 5'2"), so I'd like to work up something funny like this again.

When people see me getting my bass out of my Honda Civic, they wonder how I got that in there. I stump them when I tell them that I can easily fit two upright basses in my car (which I can - let me know if you need to do it and I'll tell you how).

I get different comments when I play my EUB, and am not as fluid with responses. One that has ceased to be funny is the wind up joke. I like to spin the bass while playing it, and people are impressed. I tell them that I have to spin it because it's not an electric bass, it's a wind up bass. They really believe me (I tell those same people that my pickup is a cable TV hookup, and that that's where I download the songs I play). Doesn't work so well with the EUB, though... Anyone have any good responses to people wondering what an EUB is? Since they don't even know what a real (double) bass is, they're really thrown off... My nickname for my EUB is my "Fake Bass" - so I just go with that and tell them that it's not really real.

[nathanmcnathan]

Tell them it's a tuba!

[IrishBassLad]

I need to learn how to get two Basses in my Jeep SUV, Help? =p I HATE IT WHEN IGNORENT PEOPLE THINK That they are hilarious when they remark " Haha, makes you wish you played the piccolo don't you? " Then I pull out my Harmonica, and say " Nope got something smaller here". They just walk away angry that I out-witted them. Lol

[Zondra]

Irish Bass Lad - here's how I fit 2 basses in my Honda Civic. I put the first one in like normal (with the neck going between the front two seats, up the the gear shift). Then I roll it onto it's side, with the bridge facing out, and the back of the bass in the center of the car. I then do the same with the second bass, though sliding it in can be a bit tricky as you are watching out for BOTH necks. When I put the second on the side, I put the neck above the neck of the first bass, so that they are chriss-crossing in the front of the car. You need to put a pillow of some sort (I usually use my clothes duffle bag) and some padding under the shoulder of the bass, so that the bass is lifted slightly neck is not resting on the neck of the first bass. My Honda Civic is built just right that I actually lean the basses outwards toward their bridges, and brace them on the sides of the car - like leaning them in a corner, with the bridges toward the corner between the floor of the car and the side wall (so they're acually almost upside-down). There's a gap there by the wheel well that protects the bridge, and by leaning out, I feel that they're more stable. I don't know if that works on other cars, though.

As for a jeep. Do you have one of the old classic jeeps? The ones that are pretty short? Or do you have one of the modern SUV's that are a bit longer? I've found the old classic jeeps to be a challenge. I've found that when I put a bass it them, the neck goes all the way up and wants to rest on the dashboard. Since I never rest the neck on anything, it becomes quite a challenge in bracing the rest of the bass to hold the neck up. However, not all jeeps are the same, and have been in one where the bass neck didn't reach all the way up to the dash board. Is the front seat of your jeep a bench seat? I had a car once that was a bench seat, and so when I put a bass in the back, it had to stay in the back and go diagonally. If that's the case with your car, I wouldn't know how to put two basses in there. The trick to two basses in a car is having the two seperate bucket seats up front, where you can put the necks in between them in a criss-cross pattern.

Good luck!

[Gunnar Biggs]

Here's one I get in elevators. :

"Do you keep your girl friend in that?'
I reply. "No. I keep your girl friend in there."

[bejoyous]

I've got a Bob Gollihur bass bag. It has a nice, stitch-lettered "BASS" patch where the bridge is located.

It would be funny if there was an option to have "FLUTE" written there instead!

http://www.gollihurmusic.com/product..._3_4_SIZE.html

[ron.kadish]

I once went into a large 'big box' music store in a large Midwestern US city with my bow in its case rather than leave it in the hot car. Just inside the entrance, I was asked by two store employees (not security guards) to open 'the flute case' so they could inspect it. Of course there was a bass bow in the case, and one of them asked me what it was. When I said it was a bow for an upright bass, they looked at each other and the second guy said, "I didn't know you could play one of those with a bow!"

[Salty]

Yeah, I've definitely had all those responses. By far the strangest one was "Is that a unicycle?" in reference to my bass with a Gaines wheel.

You know what's fascinating to me, and it hasn't been mentioned, is the question "where the f do completely unrelated strangers get the SAME pseudo-joke from?

What part of western society's collective unconscious causes almost everyone to have the same response?

Does anyone one else find that interesting?

[Fassa Albrecht]

Try playing a digital piano as I do. The thing weighs a TON! To make it worse to get it to band I have to get the bus...

[Fassa Albrecht]

Originally Posted by Salty

You know what's fascinating to me, and it hasn't been mentioned, is the question "where the f do completely unrelated strangers get the SAME pseudo-joke from?

What part of western society's collective unconscious causes almost everyone to have the same response?

Does anyone one else find that interesting?

Find a Psychology/Sociology student and get them to write a dissertation on it. Pay them a lot of money to do it.

[ashes2ashes]

I only recently joined this forum, I played acousitc DB for 7 years, but because it was during school, I rented their instrument. And after 1 and a half years of no bass, I've finally been able to afford one, I get it in a month, though it's an ns wav bass, so I wont get these comments. But this thread is fantastic, it's bringing back so many memories.

Like lugging that thing up and down stairs, I used to get so many worried looks from people who would watch me as if I was disabled. My rev at school used to make the "dead body" comment every single time he saw me with my DB. I'm definetly going to miss not having these when I get my EUB, now I have all these witty comebacks. I bet I'll still get the "*** is that thing?!?!" comment, considering how strange an EUB is, someone should definetly start coming up with those, so I can be prepared.

[funkyfretless]

i went to audition at fsu and i heard the funniest thing ever

jock
hey what is that thing?

me
an upright bass

jock
oh its a cellbow

i think his brain was too full of beer pong and bong resin.