Musical Terms Commonly Misunderstood by Country Musicians

[Chris Fitzgerald]

Musical Terms Commonly Misunderstood by Country-Western Musicians, With Their
Translated "Country" Definitions:

Diminished Fifth -- An empty bottle of Jack Daniels
Perfect Fifth -- A full bottle of Jack Daniels
Relative Major -- An uncle in the Marine Corps
Relative Minor -- A girlfriend
Big Band -- When the bar pays enough to bring two banjo players
Pianissimo -- "Refill this beer bottle"
Repeat -- What you do until they just expel you
Treble -- Women ain't nothin' but
Bass -- The things you run around in softball
Portamento -- A foreign country you've always wanted to see
Conductor -- The man who punches your ticket to Birmingham
Arpeggio -- "Ain't he that storybook kid with the big nose that grows?"
Tempo -- Good choice for a used car
A 440 -- The highway that runs around Nashville
Transpositions -- Men who wear dresses
Cut Time -- Parole
Order of Sharps -- What a wimp gets at the bar
Passing Tone -- Frequently heard near the baked beans at family barbecues
Middle C -- The only fruit drink you can afford when food stamps are low
Perfect Pitch -- The smooth coating on a freshly paved road
Tuba -- A compound word: "Hey, woman! Fetch me another tuba Bryll Cream!"
Cadenza -- That ugly thing your wife always vacuums dog hair off of when company comes
Whole Note -- What's due after failing to pay the mortgage for a year
Clef -- What you try never to fall off of
Bass Clef -- Where you wind up if you do fall off
Altos -- Not to be confused with "Tom's toes," "Bubba's toes," or "Dori-toes"
Minor Third -- Your approximate grade at the completion of formal schooling
Melodic Minor -- Loretta Lynn's singing dad
12-Tone Scale -- The thing the State Police weigh your tractor trailer truck with
Quarter Tone -- What most standard pickups can haul
Sonata -- What you get from a bad cold or hay fever
Clarinet -- Name used on your second daughter if you've already used Betty Jo
Trill -- What's usually found on Blueberry Hill

[Mike N]

Thats great, Chris!

[Don Higdon]

Uh..Durrl: It takes one to know one.

[Chris Fitzgerald]

Originally posted by Don Higdon
Uh..Durrl: It takes one to know one.

No kidding. It's a beautiful thing when all you have to do is publish your vocabulary list, and everyone thinks you're funny...

[mchildree]

This from a fella who lives in a state where duct tape is considered "chrome"

[James Hart]

Originally posted by mchildree
This from a fella who lives in a state where duct tape is considered "chrome"

I lived in KY for 5 months in the mid 90's... great state to call home, but I'm still amazed how many times you can be cut off in 50 mph traffic by tabacco trucks doing 20mph.

it's like they exist in some seperate plane and reckon if'n they ignore us, we'll get out of the damned way!

[Chris Fitzgerald]

Originally posted by SPUTTERING


I lived in KY for 5 months in the mid 90's... great state to call home, but I'm still amazed how many times you can be cut off in 50 mph traffic by tabacco trucks doing 20mph.

...and I bet you learned to spell "tobacco" right here in the bluegrass as well.

[Chris Fitzgerald]

Originally posted by ALL GOD'S CHILDREE GOT VENOM
This from a fella who lives in a state where duct tape is considered "chrome"

Actually, only the silver kind is called "chrome"...the black kind is called, "replacement windows", placing it on an equal footing with lawn bags around these here parts.

[James Hart]

Originally posted by Chris Fitzgerald
...and I bet you learned to spell "tobacco" right here in the bluegrass as well.

learned that here in Joisey, I did!

[Don Higdon]

Thanks alot spedding.
Nobody I know, NOBODY says "Joisey".
Then you come along.
Correction. There are people here who say "Joisey." Then you find they moved here from "Noo Yawk."

[John Sprague]

Pianissimo -- "Refill this beer bottle"

I just got back from the NAMM show in Nashville, and I really needed this laugh! I like visiting down there, but after a week I'm all southed out.

Saw a good southern T-shirt down there, it said:
Reintarnation: What happens to you if you die and come back a hillbilly.

[James Hart]

Originally posted by Don Higdon
Thanks alot spedding.
Nobody I know, NOBODY says "Joisey".
Then you come along.
Correction. There are people here who say "Joisey." Then you find they moved here from "Noo Yawk."

well I am living 'Down the Shore' for the last 10 years or so.... Benny's are generally fron NYC, Jersey City or Philly

(I grew up in Sussex County minutes from both the NY & PA borders... no one I knew said Joisey either )

[Don Higdon]

Originally posted by speddling
(I grew up in Sussex County minutes from both the NY & PA borders...

I spent alot of years at Beaver Lake, Franklin, Ogdensburg; swam in the quarries in Hardyston. As a kid, attended a "christening" at Lake Mohawk of a full blooded native American baby, both families in full feather dress. Nobody there said "Joisey."
So when *ssholes who've never beem here do "what exit?" jokes, my eyes glaze over.

[James Hart]

Originally posted by Don Higdon

I spent alot of years at Beaver Lake, Franklin, Ogdensburg; swam in the quarries in Hardyston. As a kid, attended a "christening" at Lake Mohawk of a full blooded native American baby, both families in full feather dress. Nobody there said "Joisey."
So when *ssholes who've never beem here do "what exit?" jokes, my eyes glaze over.

Very cool! I spent most all of my growing years in Ogdensburg. Spent many moonlit nights hanging out on Lake Mohawk (the private yuppy lake community when I left the area 10 years back). My High School was in Hamburg and was full of friends from Hamburg, Hardyston, Franklin and Ogdensburg... my folks bought a few acres in Lafayette years back and I moved down the shore.

Sorry to ruffle your feathers... but the more 'what exit are you from?' people think, the less they'll be visiting and destroying my town

BTW: I'm from GSP exit 82

[Steph Dawe]

Bump: this is cool. Laughed my a$$ off.

[Bruce Lindfield]

Originally Posted by James Hart

(I grew up in Sussex County minutes from both the NY & PA borders... no one I knew said Joisey either )

I grew up in the County of Sussex, minutes from the sea - well the English Channel!!