Rules for playing jazz

[flyman]

Apologies if this has appeared here before:

1. Everyone should play the same piece.

2. Observe the repeat signs only if what you just played was
interesting.

3. If you play a wrong note, glare at one of the other players.

4. The right note, at the wrong time, is a wrong note. (And vice-versa.)

5. A wrong note, played timidly, is a wrong note.

6. A wrong note, played with authority, is simply your interpretation of the phrase.

7. If everyone gets lost except you, follow the ones who are lost.

8. Strive always to play the maximum notes per second. This will intimidate the weaker players and gain you the admiration of the ignorant.

9. Markings for slurs, dynamics, and accidentals should be completely ignored. They are only there to make the score look more complicated.

10. If a passage is difficult, slow down. If it is easy, speed up. Everything will even itself out in the end.

11. You have achieved a true interpretation when, in the end, you have not played one note of the original piece.

12. When everyone else stops playing, you should stop also. Do not play any notes you may have left over.

Regards,
flyman

[TroyK]

I especially adhere to #3. If someone looks up at me when my intonation falters. I raise my eyebrows at them in an all knowing way that suggests "you don't know these changes, do you?" or "geeze, when was the last time that piano was tuned".

I considered working on my intonation, but that's hard and there's a Law and Order marathon on. So instead, I put a lot of time and effort into mastering this look. All artists are insecure. It doesn't matter if they actually composed the song or are playing a digital piano, they all wilt under the glare.

[clink]

#6:
Wrong and strong.

[Paul Warburton]

I used to work a lot of big shows in Vegas in the old days.
I worked a week in a big band that was playing this VERY famous singers show. I won't tell his name, but his big hit was "If Ever I Would Leave You."
Every night he would get to a part in the tune and drop a couple beats. Of course, this threw the whole band off....this jerk would turn around and face the band and glare at us with his hands on his hips.
On the last show of his last night, we had a little band meeting, got out the pencils and marked the charts right where we knew he would go.
We went right with him.
He almost choked.

[salcott]

I know who you're talking about-I worked behind him in a Rochester, NY dinner theatre. Don Rickles once said, "In person,he looks like an 8 by 10 glossy of himself".

[Paul Warburton]

Originally Posted by salcott

I know who you're talking about-I worked behind him in a Rochester, NY dinner theatre. Don Rickles once said, "In person,he looks like an 8 by 10 glossy of himself".

You right man. Of course my hint wasn't real subtle.
'Member the great alto player Joe Maini? He was on that band.
Joe got real drunk one night. We had to physically restrain him fron kicking his ass. ON STAGE.

[Marcus Johnson]

Hmm... that's weird. I worked with him a little bit, he was pretty cool at that time. Musta been in a good mood that week.

[Paul Warburton]

I think he was in the procees of licking his wounds from that one marriage.
We've all had our bad weeks.

Maybe we ought to re-title this thread.

[olivieraleman]

I like #7. In the book "A Lester Young Reader" by Lewis Porter, Pres was doing a concert in Montreal and got lost. So he walks up to Oscar Petersons piano and says"Where are you motherf***ers at?" He didnt know there was a mic in the piano! The crowd fell out. Guess it happens to the best.

[Treyzer]

Originally Posted by flyman

1. Everyone should play the same piece.

What a concept!!!

[bejoyous]

13. If you're sick of the tune, just stop playing (or do the A Train ending) and soon everyone else will, too.

[MLysh]

14.

Double-time feel = Changes going by twice as fast (but only for half the band)

[Fab_Superlative]

Originally Posted by Paul Warburton

Every night he would get to a part in the tune and drop a couple beats.On the last show of his last night, we had a little band meeting, got out the pencils and marked the charts right where we knew he would go.
We went right with him.
He almost choked.

Would that part of the tune happened to have been at around the 2:50 mark in this Youtube vid?

[kevin_lindsay]

From the UK's The Fast Show

Welcome to Jazz Club - Niiiiiiiiiice!!!!!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TebUMhJAKSM

[Paul Warburton]

I'll still go with the old "intimidation" trick.
The cats are that way with me ....... at my age, just the fact that I made it to the gig without the help of the paramedics says it all. The fact that I'm still alive scares the **** out of them.

[Mark Perna]

Originally Posted by flyman

11. You have achieved a true interpretation when, in the end, you have not played one note of the original piece.

Man, is this timely. I was listening to Brad Mehldau play Alone Together today and despite having played Alone Together for a thousand years, I didn't recognize one phrase or chord from ANY version I've ever played. Messing around with the harmonic structure is a time-honored tradition in jazz. He changed the harmonic structure so much as to make it unrecognizable as Alone Together and then put a new melody on it. So, it's Alone Together just with a different melody and harmonic structure.

I think I would have called in an original at that point. The funny thing is, someone had to pay Harry Fox for a version of Alone Together that doesn't contain anything recognizable as Alone Together. THAT'S funny.

mark

[Paul Warburton]

Originally Posted by calivox

Man, is this timely. I was listening to Brad Mehldau play Alone Together today and despite having played Alone Together for a thousand years, I didn't recognize one phrase or chord from ANY version I've ever played. Messing around with the harmonic structure is a time-honored tradition in jazz. He changed the harmonic structure so much as to make it unrecognizable as Alone Together and then put a new melody on it. So, it's Alone Together just with a different melody and harmonic structure.
I think I would have called in an original at that point. The funny thing is, someone had to pay Harry Fox for a version of Alone Together that doesn't contain anything recognizable as Alone Together. THAT'S funny.
mark

Mark, talk about "timely'. OT as this is, I couldn't help myself (again).
I'm right there with you on this one. Just yesterday, I spent some time trying to figure out what this guy is trying to say. I guess maybe I either felt left out, or I just needed to try harder to listen and get the message. I finally gave up....listening to Brad is way too hard for me. If listening to music is this hard for anybody, I'd say just give it up. I DON'T hear it and I do give it up. (Brad, that is...)
IMHO, FWIW......

[Marcus Johnson]

I can't think of any jazz musician in recent years who has polarized listeners to the degree that Brad Mehldau has. It seems that people either love him or they hate him.

[Chris Fitzgerald]

Originally Posted by Marcus Johnson

I can't think of any jazz musician in recent years who has polarized listeners to the degree that Brad Mehldau has. It seems that people either love him or they hate him.

Then I must be two people - one of both. Sometimes I hear him perfectly and love what he's saying. Other times I don't get it at all.

Call me SYBDURRL...

[clink]

SYBDURRL,
You and me both. Sometimes he plays some beautiful music and other times it comes off as self-indulgent crap. Like, 'MOMMY, LOOK WHAT I CAN DO'!!
He is incredibly gifted and he hires one of my favorite bass players. I'll give him that.