The Temptation of Jaco-Mo

[nicklloyd]

Dug up this old chapter from the Book of Jobbing:

Tales From the Bottom: The Temptation of Jaco-Mo

Chapter 22 : The Temptation of Jaco-Mo

How the Bass player became Perpetually Bored.)

1) And it came to pass in the Very Loud Big Band a disgruntlement
upon
the bassist, Jaco-Mo, which he could no longer abide." I am first to
arrive, last to leave and yet receive no more shekels than the
saxophones," he thought unto himself. " "I must toil like a galley
slave, pulling a very large oar for the horns, only to receive their
scorn, and exhortations to "dig in". "This while they "walk the bar"
and
play all manner of preening blather, chorus after chorus on
"Choo-Choo-Cha-Boogie" and the hated "Caledonia". All this began to
chafe on Jaco-Mo in such exceeding fashion that he did stray from the
written line and blasphemously "take it out".

2) This provoked an outcry amongst the horns and especially the
Female
Vocalist Who Could Not Count until finally the Leader did chastise
Jaco-Mo, "Lo, you have caused the horns great consternation, and led
astray the Female Vocalist Who Cannot Count three times on this gig. I
have no recourse but to docketh shekels from your pay."

3) One night after a particularly arduous engagement, Jaco-Mo sat
disconsolately at the bar in his tuxedo, the Badge of Shame. Presently,
a somewhat seedy character sidled up him. "Say man, you want a gig?" he
hissed, "It's a trio, man, smoking, play whatever you want, solo on
every tune, and we're done at 10 O'clock. C'mon man, lose the monkey
suit! Free up, baby! "

4.) And Jaco-Mo was sorely tempted, for he sorely wished to free up
and shed The Badge of Shame, and solo on every tune. And so he agreed,
and subbeth not his gig with the Very Loud Big Band. "I will surely
show
them, for I shall be sorely missed, " he thought. "Then they will
appreciate the toil of Jaco-Mo."

5.) The time came for Jaco-Mo to make the trio gig and he followed
the
directions to the club. "This is a very bad part of town, "he said to
himself, as he double checked the locks on his conveyance. And the
people on the street did look covetously on Jaco-Mo as he made his way
up the street with his Bass, perhaps to separate him from it or the
brand new turtleneck he had chosen for his raiment.

6.) But the gig was all he had wished for. They played at fantastic
tempos no human could dance to, they traded 4's, 8's, 2's, and the like
and lo,they did "take it out" repeatedly. All three patrons of the
establishment were duly impressed and stayed until the end, one even
beseeching Jaco-Mo for a ride home.

7.) Thence came the time of remuneration, and the leader did hand
Jaco-Mo but 11 shekels ($4.37 US). As he did so he said," Swingin'
baby, you down for Saturday night?"

8.) Jaco-Mo was in a quandary as he walked to his conveyance. He had
played what he wished, indeed, "taken it out", but had only enough
shekels for Ramen and perhaps a gallon of gas. As he unlocked his ride
he realized his CD Player had been plucked from the dash !

9.) Now Jaco-Mo was miserable, and decided to drop by the Wedding
Reception to see how the Very Loud Big Band was doing. At least they
would be sorry and beg him to come back. As Jaco-Mo mounted the stairs
he heard bass! Not real bass though, something not of the bass world,
but somehow passing for bass. And as he reached the top of the stairs,
there was the keyboard player, doing Jaco-Mo's job with his left hand.

10.) Came the intermission, and the players did disperse to the
buffet
line, some with their Tupperware hidden beneath the Badge of Shame,
that
they might avail themselves of the repast at a later date, and avoid
Ramen. Jaco-Mo threw himself on the mercy of the Leader, " My
conveyance broke down, and I got here as soon as I could", he sputtered
dishonestly. "I can start the next set." The Leader, having gone
through
many bass players, fixed his gaze on Jaco-Mo, and spoke unto him,
"What's up with the turtleneck?"

11.) The Leader spoke as thunder now, "If thou dost return, Jaco-Mo,
do thy swear to not stray again from the printed page? "Yes!," blurted
Jaco-Mo weakly (rent was due). "And thou shalt not lose the Female
Vocalist Who Cannot Count again ?" "I promise," he groveled , for he
did
miss his CD player, and wished to be anointed at the buffet line, that
he might avoid Ramen. "All right Jaco-Mo, as your penance, go to the
Road Case and don the Powder Blue Badge of Shame for the rest of the
gig. "And as a final warning he said, "Do not cross me again, son, or
I
will give your gig back to the keyboard player's left hand."

12.) And so Jaco-Mo did once more assume the yoke of duty in the
rhythm section, in the Powder Blue Tux. His face became a blank mask
of
perpetual boredom, whether The Female Singer Who Could Not Count was
smiling at him, (for he never lost her again),or the horns scornfully
exhorted him to "dig in. "Jaco-Mo learned the hard way: It is better
to
eat than "take it out!"

Amen?

[Bruce Lindfield]

Err - it was dull and unfunny and I gave up reading word for word, after th 2nd or 3rd verse...can I have my wasted 2 minutes back please!!

[Jeremy Allen]

Originally Posted by Bruce Lindfield

Err - it was dull and unfunny and I gave up reading word for word, after th 2nd or 3rd verse...can I have my wasted 2 minutes back please!!

Maybe it got lost in translation...to someone who's spent way too much time in wedding/club date/society/GB (that's "General Business," in New England) bands on the east coast, and who's actually lived that story almost word for word (my CD player never got stolen, and the tux at the end was red rather than powder blue), it hits home!

[nicklloyd]

Originally Posted by Bruce Lindfield

...can I have my wasted 2 minutes back please!!

No.

[Chris Fitzgerald]

Originally Posted by Johono5

Maybe it got lost in translation...to someone who's spent way too much time in wedding/club date/society/GB (that's "General Business," in New England) bands on the east coast, and who's actually lived that story almost word for word (my CD player never got stolen, and the tux at the end was red rather than powder blue), it hits home!

Amen.

[Marcus Johnson]

+1....like Nnick was reading my diary.

[ImAGoodDuck]

Hey I thought it was funny. Ohh and Amen.

[SundanceChile]

Originally Posted by nicklloyd

If thou dost return, Jaco-Mo, do thy swear to not stray again from the printed page? "Yes!," blurted Jaco-Mo weakly (rent was due)....

...Amen?

Amen. Been there, but instead of for rent, it was to pass the class.

[ispider6]

Anyone humming "Kokomo" by the Beach Boys in their head right now?

Nick, it may be the gospel of gigging but I'm afraid you've ruined my day by naming the player Jaco-Mo.

[ispider6]

Originally Posted by ispider6

Anyone humming "Kokomo" by the Beach Boys in their head right now?

Nick, it may be the gospel of gigging but I'm afraid you've ruined my day by naming the player Jaco-Mo.

Aruba... Jamaica... ooh I wanna take ya' to Bermuda... Bahama... come on pretty mama... Key Largo... Montego... baby why don't we go down to Kokomo... we'll get there fast and then we'll take it slow... that's where we wanna go... way down to Kokomo

[Andy Allen]

Originally Posted by ispider6

Aruba... Jamaica... ooh I wanna take ya' to Bermuda... Bahama... come on pretty mama... Key Largo... Montego... baby why don't we go down to Kokomo... we'll get there fast and then we'll take it slow... that's where we wanna go... way down to Kokomo

You just stop that RIGHT NOW young man....

[Uncletoad]

You totally ruined my day. I'm going to have to go listen to Bill Evans for 24 hours straight to rid myself of that phantom.

[nicklloyd]

Originally Posted by ispider6

Nick, it may be the gospel of gigging but I'm afraid you've ruined my day by naming the player Jaco-Mo.

I didn't write the Book of Jobbing. (I'm not that creative.) The bass player's name was already part of the story. There are different chapters in the Book of Jobbing.... singers... drummers.... guitarists... club owners.... etc.