2 friends that went opposite directions

[A-Step-Towards]

I am 20 now and am about to finish my 2 year degree in criminal justice a friend of mine is 19 and had a baby girl. He was heavliy into drinking and this led to drugs and eventually he started smoking meth.

His girlfriend and mother of his child left him and he broke into her house , punched her brother and held a knife to her throat telling her to give him money. The cops came and he ran , he was found 2 hours later and arrested. His child was there at the time.

He was charged with first-degree burglary, menacing and misdemeanor fourth-degree assault.

[Matt Dean]

So, are you still going to be his friend?

[A-Step-Towards]

Originally Posted by Matt Dean

So, are you still going to be his friend?

Thats a good question i am about to transfer to a university to work on my bachelors in criminal justice i cant really have friends like that with the line of work i am going into.

We use to drink alot together but i never took it past that line, when he got into other drugs i told him to stop and rehab did not work. I mean you cant help someone who does not want to help themselves. When he started meth i told him i could not be around someone on that . Sometimes someone has to hit a low point before they change , and i am pretty sure he will be in prison awhile.

[Rocky]

Sad..

[Jefenator]

What sucks harder than meth? I hate that stuff so much.

Hopefully that incident was the big "rock bottom" for your friend. (Alas, hopefully ≠ probably. )

[Munjibunga]

See? If only he played bass and hung out here at TB, this never would have happened. We take care of our own.

[A-Step-Towards]

Originally Posted by Jefenator

What sucks harder than meth? I hate that stuff so much.

Hopefully that incident was the big "rock bottom" for your friend. (Alas, hopefully ≠ probably. )

I dunno of any drugs worse then meth, he drank then it was weed , acid, shrooms , cociane and then meth it just escalated.

Alot of people i know always say there going to be the "cool" parents and let there kids drink but thats exactly what his mom did buying us beer and stuff and look at what happend

[A-Step-Towards]

Originally Posted by Munjibunga

See? If only he played bass and hung out here at TB, this never would have happened. We take care of our own.

hahah exactly , honestly bass playing is something that helped me through alot and opened doors from me . Its a positive hobby.

[pringlw]

Originally Posted by Jefenator

What sucks harder than meth? I hate that stuff so much.

Hopefully that incident was the big "rock bottom" for your friend. (Alas, hopefully ≠ probably. )

Meth really is the worst. Through work a few years ago I had reason to get highly educated on Meth and what it does to people. It is absolutely unbelievable how quickly (and permanently) Meth ruins people. One small fact, meth wipes out brain cells as quickly as advanced alzheimers. That's not myth, it's reality.

There's a special place in hell for people who make and sell meth.

[A-Step-Towards]

Originally Posted by pringlw

Meth really is the worst. Through work a few years ago I had reason to get highly educated on Meth and what it does to people. It is absolutely unbelievable how quickly (and permanently) Meth ruins people. One small fact, meth wipes out brain cells as quickly as advanced alzheimers. That's not myth, it's reality.

There's a special place in hell for people who make and sell meth.

wow i did not know that at all, thats messed up


i believe it i mean its made up of bleach , battery acid and tons of other stuff i cant see why people would put in there body.

[jollygiantchris]

Originally Posted by A-Step-Towards

Thats a good question i am about to transfer to a university to work on my bachelors in criminal justice i cant really have friends like that with the line of work i am going into.
I mean you cant help someone who does not want to help themselves.

It sounds like maybe you are the exact kind of friend he needs right now. Its true that he won't change without wanting to, but I assure you after some time in prison he will want to change. And with the right kind of support he can pull through and be the person he should have been.

You've got a difficult set of choices ahead of you.

[A-Step-Towards]

Originally Posted by jollygiantchris

It sounds like maybe you are the exact kind of friend he needs right now. Its true that he won't change without wanting to, but I assure you after some time in prison he will want to change. And with the right kind of support he can pull through and be the person he should have been.

You've got a difficult set of choices ahead of you.

Deep down he is a good guy , when he gets out i am going to tell him he has to move outta town , outta state because if you go back to your home town you fall right in with that same crowd all over again, I hope prision gives him time to clean up and i hope he misses his daughter and stops being a loser for her.

[coreyfyfe]

Originally Posted by A-Step-Towards

Alot of people i know always say there going to be the "cool" parents and let there kids drink but thats exactly what his mom did buying us beer and stuff and look at what happend

That all depends on how the kids handle the situation as much as being the "cool parent". My mom was the same way, she said she understands we may want to drink, and if we want to we know where the alcohol is, as long as we stayed in the house and were safe about things. She was being realistic about the situation. With the exception of one or two times, I never drank until college, certainly never got drunk before then. I'm 23 and finishing a masters degree this spring. Responsibility lies with both parties, the issue isn't availability, but in not recognizing the lack of self regulation.

FWIW, I have a family member who went through a very similar experience. He was in and out of rehab for a long time, several spouses left him, and for a long time was "excommunicated" from the family. He's gotten his life in order, and I saw him for the first time in about 10 years earlier this fall, and he and his family were present at the family christmas this year. As said above, as much as it sucks, your friend wont change unless he wants to change. Your job is to try to help him recognize the need to change.

[your idol]

some day..we'll look back and laugh

[Rocker949]

Originally Posted by pringlw

Meth really is the worst. Through work a few years ago I had reason to get highly educated on Meth and what it does to people. It is absolutely unbelievable how quickly (and permanently) Meth ruins people. One small fact, meth wipes out brain cells as quickly as advanced alzheimers. That's not myth, it's reality.

There's a special place in hell for people who make and sell meth.

+1

[blendermassacre]

Being 23, and having been where you are, I say get as far away as you can. I had a friend in highschool that started using herion, and he literally was never the same. Just focus on what you're doing with school, and don't let him bring you down. Meth heads will steal or kill for their next high, and being in proxy to them makes you a target for both.

[TBrett]

A sad and difficult situation. Gotta weigh in here, having dealt with several serious addicts over the years. The reality is, someone who is addicted to hard drugs more often than not becomes extremely self-serving, desperate and dangerous. You've heard about what your friend is capable of right now: punching his girlfriend's brother, holding a knife to his girlfriend's throat - while their child was present, no less. That's pretty heavy, to say the least. I'm sure you realize he would do the same to you if he thought it would get him what he was after. This kind of addiction is akin to the concept of being possessed, IMO. The person is not themselves, and therefore can no longer be treated the way you would have treated him before he took up the addiction.

Since you cannot change him, you need to make it clear to him - if he contacts you again - that you cannot be friends with him while he is in his current lifestyle. No need to pass judgment or be harsh in any way. Just be clear and firm about what is okay for you, and what is not. If he freaks out, that's his problem. He is doing this to himself (and to everyone close to him, which is a major problem with these kinds of addictions). Let him know you love him (or whatever way you guys express affection for one another) and that you'll be there for him if he gets help and gets off the drugs, but that you just can't get behind or be a part of what he's doing right now.

Some years back, I had the dubious pleasure of working with an absolutely brilliant, multi award-winning graphic designer, who was a contemporary of my father's, ironically enough. Unfortunately, he'd also had a serious cocaine/crack addition for over 30 years, starting in the late 1960s. My friend's company and I produced several major multimedia projects and used this guy as a design consultant on a couple of them. Wow, was he ever amazing when he was straight! We learned so much from him. But we had been well warned about his addiction (even my dad knew about it), and my friend knew not to pay him until we'd got all the work out of him that he'd committed to. Once that paycheck was in his hand, he would disappear for weeks at a time, whether he was scheduled to work or not. A couple of other friends made the mistake of getting sucked in by his charm and his tales of self-pity (many addicts feel the world owes them something and this guy was very clever at convincing people he'd been hard done by). The friends did not take our advice and instead ended up taking him into their homes for a period of time. Needless to say, there were many hysterical reports of missing laptops, jewellry and other valuables, and our "friend" was suddenly nowhere to be found. Even a couple who knew him well and were very careful around him had their vehicle stolen by him at one point. Fortunately, with the help of some underground connections, they were able to find the crack house he was hanging in at the time, and managed to steal their vehicle back! The guy passed away about a year and a half ago at the age of 63, and I'm told he was the same right up to the end.

So, it has nothing to do with how "cool" the parents were (my late husband and I were "cool" parents while raising his teenage daughter, and she turned out just great), or anything else. Maybe it's some kind of personality disorder or chemical deficiency that causes certain people to fall into this destructive vortex, while others are able to enjoy (milder) recreational substances without it taking over their lives. There are lots of experts out there with their own theories on the subject.

The bottom line is, IMO, if your friend is committed to this nasty journey of his, the only way to protect yourself is to stay the hell away from him. Don't believe any of the sob stories about how he's hit bottom, is "going into rehab" (which didn't work the first time), how he's on the straight and narrow now, etc. False promises and short-term remorse go with the territory, I'm afraid. When he gets there - truly gets to recovery - he will have no need for sob stories. He will be putting his words into consistent, long-term action, and that is how you will know he has recovered. My prayers go out to him and his family.

[coreyfyfe]

Originally Posted by pringlw

Meth really is the worst. Through work a few years ago I had reason to get highly educated on Meth and what it does to people. It is absolutely unbelievable how quickly (and permanently) Meth ruins people. One small fact, meth wipes out brain cells as quickly as advanced alzheimers. That's not myth, it's reality.

There's a special place in hell for people who make and sell meth.

What meth does to you is nasty. I took a class in neurobiology a few years ago, the professor did her MD work in Mexico City, and spent a lot of time autopsying OD victims and had some really nasty looking pictures of the brains of some of these addicts. Crazy stuff.

[Soverntear]

Having been hooked on meth before i can say its a nasty drug. to this day i look back at teh self i had became and cannot fathom ever being like that. it took me loosing almost everything important to me to get out.

that being said, he will quit when he is ready. prison doesnt keep drugs away from addicts. it just makes them sink lower to attain it. id write him a letter while he is in prison expressing your concerns. try not to get angry in the letter which can be difficult at best. let him know you care about the friendship but with the current state he is in you cannot continue it. explain to him that yes what happend is ****ed up, but whats most important is that he tried to do what ever repair he can for his daughter

[cassanova]

Originally Posted by A-Step-Towards

Alot of people i know always say there going to be the "cool" parents and let there kids drink but thats exactly what his mom did buying us beer and stuff and look at what happend

Corralation is not causation.