Advice on handling a new situation

fettbass · #1 11-02-2011, 09:15 PM

Hey guys, I just thought I'd put this out there, maybe someone with a little more experience in life could weigh in.

I recently ended my engagement to a wonderful girl. I think she's great, I just realized we weren't really as compatible as I'd hoped, and we decided to call it quits and remain friends.

However, I was talking the situation over with another long time female friend. We've known each other for about 10 years, and have always been comfortable being just friends. Long story short, we ended up having a quick casual fling. I've never really been one to do things like that, but I guess I got caught in the heat of things.

As I just got out of a long term relationship, I'm definitely not in the mood to start anything serious. I'm wondering what you guys think is the best way to handle this situation. I really do respect and appreciate this friend, and I don't want anything to change in terms of our otherwise healthy friendship.

Thanks guys.

Sav'nBass · #2 11-02-2011, 09:18 PM

Sex usually changes things... especially healthy friendships.. I'd just be honest with her.. You may be seeing A .. but if she is seeing B .. or any one of the other letters or numbers but A ... be prepared to loose a friend .. you may not, but from my experience sex has a way of clouding things in unforseen ways...

fettbass · #3 11-02-2011, 09:20 PM

Sigh. I figured as much. I suppose the best thing is to be respectful, supportive, and honest.

fettbass · #4 11-02-2011, 09:28 PM

If any one has any other advice, please feel free to weigh in.

Time Monkey · #5 11-02-2011, 09:32 PM

People don't give the ladies enough credit.

Women are totally capable of being a friend with benefits.

I have a chick friend... We used to date, broke up, whatever. Went our seperate ways.

But when we both happen to be single, its just mutually agreed on no strings sex. No drama or nothing. Hell, I was at a BBQ at her and her current mans house last weekend. No awkwardness, and im pretty sure they are going to end up married.

fettbass · #6 11-02-2011, 10:42 PM

That's reassuring.

Goatee220 · #7 11-03-2011, 11:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fettbass

As I just got out of a long term relationship, I'm definitely not in the mood to start anything serious. I'm wondering what you guys think is the best way to handle this situation. I really do respect and appreciate this friend, and I don't want anything to change in terms of our otherwise healthy friendship.

Thanks guys.

Just be honest with her and spell it out like you did in your post. You just got out of a long-term relationship, and you don't want her to be the "rebound" girl. You value your friendship and want to keep it, and are afraid that your fling put it jeopardy.

fettbass · #8 11-03-2011, 11:39 AM

Hopefully that takes. Thank you.

Atoz · #9 11-03-2011, 11:56 AM

It wouldn't be all that surprising if she has similar feelings regarding the situation.

EricF · #10 11-03-2011, 12:09 PM

Women are every bit as capable as men at having casual sex just for the sport of it, friends with benefits, etc. Your best step is to talk to your friend honestly about your feelings. She likely understands that this was just a heat-of-the-moment thing at a very emotional time for you. She may also be feeling just as confused as you right now. She might also turn out to be a very valuable part of your recovery process.

UncleJimmy · #11 11-03-2011, 12:42 PM

It is completely possible to have a "fling" and remain friends. The key is to be honest and open about everything. If the lady in question is truly your friend you should be completely capable of being direct and blunt about your feelings.

At my wedding there were three ladies other than my wife with whom I had "flings". All parties involved know what happened and everyone is just fine with it. Everyone is still good friends with me and one another.

Open communication, no games. Great fun can be had if you play your cards right!

Jim Nazium · #12 11-03-2011, 12:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Goatee220

Just be honest with her and spell it out like you did in your post. You just got out of a long-term relationship, and you don't want her to be the "rebound" girl. You value your friendship and want to keep it, and are afraid that your fling put it jeopardy.

^ This, but tap it one more time first.

Tituscrow · #13 11-03-2011, 01:00 PM

Fill thy boots

Icey101 · #14 11-03-2011, 05:38 PM

ok so make sure she doesnt get any controling hooks into you, ie dont fall in love

then rack up a couple more girlies on the side to keep your mind away from her as your single girly friend

IMO women leave men for dead when it comes to mind games and control so dont be the one to always call her,you need to pretend your the cool one and she can hang off you for the fun

now your the Master lol

kserg · #15 11-03-2011, 05:44 PM

3 words you can tell a girl... "I am gay".

60 percent of the time, it works every time!

fettbass · #16 11-03-2011, 05:48 PM

Thanks guys. Lots of advice here. I do feel it's a good time to be me. It does feel odd to go from being "settled" with a girl to back on the market. Time to have fun!

@ Icey, I pretty much agree with you. Now isn't the time to get lured into another girl's mind games!

gttim · #17 11-04-2011, 07:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fettbass

Sigh. I figured as much. I suppose the best thing is to be respectful, supportive, and honest.

Or you can just keep banging it.

She may not want anything serious either.

i_got_a_mohawk · #18 11-04-2011, 08:06 AM

Just be honest with her.

If you've known each other for years, she'll know you are just out of a long term thing and she'll realise it's probably a bit of rebound playing about.

mellowinman · #19 11-04-2011, 08:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fettbass

Thanks guys. Lots of advice here. I do feel it's a good time to be me. It does feel odd to go from being "settled" with a girl to back on the market. Time to have fun!

@ Icey, I pretty much agree with you. Now isn't the time to get lured into another girl's mind games!

Sounds like a pretty close friendship.