Advice from some of you older Talkbass members

[Demonjrx]

Okay. Soo here's the deal I'm looking for advice from some of you older people on here, which shouldn't be too difficult for me to find.(I'm 18) Anyways my issue is life in general, there isn't one big issue right now, no one died, I didn't flunk out of school, nothing like that. I would like to think that everything is going well, I'm in college, I have a job and I would like to think that everything is going right. My issue is that I'm just soo burnt out. It seems like that I never have enough time anymore, which is a conundrum for me because I also seem to be always going broke, or falling behind in a class. It's stressful. It's just depressing to see my friends, going to school and partying all the time having the time of their lives, while I'm struggling. Anyways I'll try to keep this short and sweet. I'm not here to rant or blow off steam... Sorry if I came off that way..

I just want to know, to those of you older members on here how did you handle it? Ya know, stress, the whole 'being an adult' thing, and work. I'd love to ask my family or friends for advice but I'd just get the usual results of sarcasm, pity, and religious lecturing.

[scorpionldr]

sLEEP./

[Fishheadjoe]

Beer helps alot!
I'm the kind of guy who was taught that hard work pays off, so I grew into a put my head down and do it kind of guy. That said, I tend to look at things in blocks of time or some other type of personal milestone to be achieved. I simply can't do/handle everything at once, most can't.
Set goals, work hard to achieve them and you will find your way.
At 51, that's what has worked for me.
Fishheadjoe

[MonetBass]

Maybe it's time to take a break from school. Nowhere is it written that you have to go to college right after high school. Get a full-time job and relax for a year or so. When you return to school, you may find that you're more focused because you're older and wiser (if just a bit). My $0.02.

[slobake]

I'm 60 does that count . That is a great question and something I have been dealing with all my life. For me, it helps if I get calendar and look at what my life is looks like for the next month or so. I am not a very linear person so this has been something I have had to learn and still can be a challenge. Then if it looks like I am overbooked I decide what is important to me and take things out of my schedule. As much as I do this unexpected things always come up, I have learned that it is okay to say no sometimes. I really need personal time time just be, if that makes sense. When I got married this stepped up even more, if I didn't have boundaries with my time I would never get to play my bass, write or do other things that I love. Sometimes though I just need to let go of what I want and go with whatever is going on. Busyness can be as much a state of mind as it is a state of being. I am also good at wasting time by minlessly looking at ads on line or in the paper and/or watching things that I don't even like that much, I have learned to turn off the T.V., put down the paper and shut down my computer when I am mindlessly browsing. Schedule time to do things that you love and have fun. I hope this helps. Now about that religious lecture ...

[Relic]

You know what part of it is? - and I don't say this to sound insulting or anything of the sort but 18 is just a weird age, plain and simple. You're sort of transitioning from being a kid to an adult and it can suck at times. Responsibilities are being thrown at you; work, school, it's like you really don't have time to be you anymore, just this autopiloted machine who has a laundry list of ish to deal with every single day to the point where you just feel that life is just one big huge hassle and you're tired as hell. At least that's what it was like for me at your age and I see my son going through the same at the moment.
The trick is to look ahead and have goals - eventually you do adjust to all of this and you keep your forward momentum towards your goals. As you reach them, it gets better and more rewarding. Things never get easy, but they will get easier and you'll find yourself being able to "be you" again. It just takes time dude, hang in there.

[Eric Perry]

Don't let Relic fool you. He doesn't remember turning 18. That was, like, 70 years ago!!!

[Relic]

Originally Posted by Eric Perry

Don't let Relic fool you. He doesn't remember turning 18. That was, like, 70 years ago!!!

Shattap!!!!!!!!!! And get off my lawn you douche!

[spade2you]

Balance. Work some, play some. Stay active, but get plenty of rest.

[bolophonic]

Try to stay organized. Don't overbook yourself. Everyone has to fight through a transition period between being a kid and an adult. It is never fun, but 18 is a perfect time to do it.

[Chebass88]

A couple of thoughts:

1. Everyone is NOT equal. What might be difficult to you is easy for others and what is easy for you might be difficult for others. Be happy for yourself and your own accomplishments. Some degree programs are significantly more challenging than others - but might be rewarded with significantly higher starting & lifetime salaries. Your friends could also be whizzing their lives away & will have to pay for it later, but that is not your problem.

2. Make some achievable goals for yourself. You should make goals on a few levels - short-term & long-term. Short term goals might include getting a homework assignment done, while long-term goals mean you are getting a degree. You can also view this as easy goals, moderately challenging, and challenging goals. VERY IMPORTANT - make sure you can achieve the goals!!! For example, say you want to lose 50lbs of body weight. That is a pretty big number. But if you make it ~1lb/week, you will reach the overall goal in just one year.

3. Find a plan to help you obtain your goals. If you want to be a faster runner (for example), find a training program that involves running faster over some set period of time. This means having a plan for almost everything - how much sleep you need, how to handle your finances, schoolwork, etc. It doesn't have to be a formal, written plan - the purpose is to help you accomplish and achieve what you want.

4. Maintain a positive attitude as often as possible. Know that you CAN do something & mostly likely you WILL. Don't focus on the negatives - acknowledge them, but don't dwell on them.

5. Establish priorities & know how to use them. Partying with friends is awesome. Partying with friends the night before a tough exam is stupid. Do the things with highest priority first.

6. Develop consistency & the problems you will face in your 30s can be handled like your school work is now. I'm not belittling your situation, but you will face considerably larger challenges than you currently do. If you know how to solve problems now - you'll handle the hard ones with no problem.

7. Learn to rely on your own judgement & decisions. If you need to seek some advice - do it, but in the end, YOUR life is in YOUR hands.

8. Eat healthy & enjoy regular, vigorous exercise.

9. If you want to engage in self-destructive behavior (drinking, smoking, etc.) - cool. Just know the consequences of your decisions & act accordingly. If you are hungover after a night on the town - cool, just don't do it the day before you have to study or take an exam or whatever.

[Eric Perry]

Originally Posted by Relic

Shattap!!!!!!!!!! And get off my lawn you douche!

Don't you swing your cane at me!!!

[Relic]

Originally Posted by Eric Perry

Don't you swing your cane at me!!!

That's not my cane!!!

[Eric Perry]

Originally Posted by Relic

That's not my cane!!!

Yikes!

[tZer]

When I was in my young 20's I felt like you - that I had it pretty good, relatively speaking, but felt like something was missing. What I found was getting involved with volunteering to work with kids who needed mentoring helped me put things into perspective. It was not hugely time consuming and the other councelors I met in the program turned out to be top-notch people.

I felt better about myself, met a lot of great people, both kids and co-councelors, my "down time" was minimized and my perspective on life in general was significantly changed for the better.

I did it for very selfish reasons. I wanted to feel better about myself and feel like I was actually doing something that mattered.

It worked. Want to feel better about life in general? Do something good for someone who needs it.

[Richland123]

Time Management

Things were much different when I was 18 (1974). I was working a full-time job, a part-time job, and playing and rehearsing in a band. I put in a lot of hours working (70-80 a week), paid all my bills myself, and helped out with some bills at home since I still lived with my parents. I worked hard and also had fun times. I have never drank, smoked, or did drugs and was always able to keep things together. But, you definitely need to take some down time occasionally so you can physically cope and recharge yourself.

[bassybill]

IF you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
' Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!


- Rudyard Kipling

[baba]

Going to college full time, holding down a job, and still trying to have a social life is extremely tiring. You have a very full plate. It will burn you out. Just remember that life is a LONG time and pressure/stress/overload comes in waves. Sometimes it's a 2 hour wave and sometime it's a several year wave. It will pass. Keep your head up son!

SIMPLIFY. SIMPLIFY. SIMPLIFY.

[Phalex]

You have pretty much described life.

IME it really doesn't get a whole lot better.

[sloasdaylight]

Here are a few things that helped me manage being a grown up.

1) Manage your time effectively.
You only have so long on this world, and your time is the single most important commodity you have, so make sure you don't waste it. This doesn't mean however that decompression times and play isn't needed, because they are, as they help you recharge.

2) Set realistic goals
It's all well and good to say that you want to become a millionaire by the time you're 25 so you don't have to work anymore or whatever, or that you're going to hit it big, but the reality is that you aren't going to do that, so set goals that are more attainable, but still challenge you. Once you attain those goals you set for yourself, not only are you likely to be in a better position, but you'll feel good about not only accomplishing a goal, but accomplishing one that required you to grow.

3) You're going to **** up.
Understand and internalize that point, because it's universally true. You're going to make mistakes, and you're going to **** up, and have other people **** things up for you. Learn the lessons you can from those mistakes, and move on. They're learning moments and should be recognized as such.

4) Recognize what you're capable of doing, what you're not, and plan accordingly.
A great piece of advice I got from my dad (and I'm sure everyone's heard it in one form or another) was "Find out what you're bad at, and don't do that again if you can help it". This obviously has limited application, but the general idea is to not put yourself in a position to fail if you can at all avoid it. Work with co-workers, peers, teachers, TAs, etc, to put yourself into positions where your skill set can shine through, and you can succeed. You'll obviously want to work on improving your weak points, but see point #2.