"After being married for over 37 years,...

nutdog · #1 11-13-2012, 06:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by David Petraeus, ex-CIA director and Four-star General

...I showed extremely poor judgment by engaging in an extramarital affair."

http://news.blogs.cnn.com/2012/11/09...oor-judgement/

In a thread last week about working with women I made the seemingly innocuous (to me, anyway) statement:

Quote:

Originally Posted by nutdog

No man can be trusted when spending significant time alone with hot chicks on a regular basis.

I was surprised by the reaction. Even after I went on to clarify

Quote:

Originally Posted by nutdog

Part of trust is knowing your spouse won't put themselves into situations where temptation can be overwhelming.

Don't delude yourself. Anyone can fall.

and

Quote:

Originally Posted by nutdog

Acknowledging your imperfection and recognizing and avoiding situations where "mistakes" can happen is part of trust and love.

several people vehemently disagreed and some were outright insulted.

So I ask, should a person of integrity intent on remaining faithful take reasonable precautions to avoid a possible affair, or is a person like the General just the type that, as one poster said, "wants to cheat (so) they will"?

runmikeyrun · #2 11-13-2012, 06:30 AM

when a person doesn't want to be in a relationship anymore, it takes the biggest balls to tell the other person "I don't love you anymore" and walk away, and takes almost no effort at all to simply cheat on them. Since almost all people take the path of least resistance...

Jim Nazium · #3 11-13-2012, 07:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nutdog

...
So I ask, should a person of integrity intent on remaining faithful take reasonable precautions to avoid a possible affair, or is a person like the General just the type that, as one poster said, "wants to cheat (so) they will"?

I missed the earlier thread. Here's my opinion: if a person of integrity is intent on remaining faithful, they do not need to take reasonable precautions to avoid an affair. Their integrity and intention are enough. Affairs don't just happen by accident, they involve conscious decisions.

tastybasslines · #4 11-13-2012, 07:49 AM

I just wanna know why the women are always so ugly!

bassteban · #5 11-13-2012, 07:59 AM

I can't imagine effing around on my wife, but I can imagine being wrong about my ability to resist any and all temptation(s). Only speaking for myself, mind you. Not sure what exactly defines a * man of integrity* these days...

AaronMB · #6 11-13-2012, 07:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tastybasslines

I just wanna know why the women are always so ugly!

Alcohol?

jmattbassplaya · #7 11-13-2012, 08:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jim Nazium

I missed the earlier thread. Here's my opinion: if a person of integrity is intent on remaining faithful, they do not need to take reasonable precautions to avoid an affair. Their integrity and intention are enough. Affairs don't just happen by accident, they involve conscious decisions.

I disagree. Anyone can fall, even if they have the best intentions. You know, that road to hell thing...

jmattbassplaya · #8 11-13-2012, 08:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tastybasslines

I just wanna know why the women are always so ugly!

Lots of men cheat because they're not being emotionally satisfied, too. Sexual attraction isn't always the main or only cause.

slobake · #9 11-13-2012, 08:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jmattbassplaya

Lots of men cheat because they're not being emotionally satisfied, too. Sexual attraction isn't always the main or only cause.

+1 and some women cheat for the same reason

slobake · #10 11-13-2012, 08:20 AM

Yes I saw your previous thread. I didn't agree with some of the other posters either. I have been with my wife for 31 years and I am still cautious. No, I don't want to automatically do the hokey pokey with every woman I meet but sometimes I catch myself mentally going places I'd rather not. When I catch myself doing that I stop, sometimes it's easier than others.

hover · #11 11-13-2012, 08:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AaronMB

Alcohol?

Naw, I would say genetics...

Marial · #12 11-13-2012, 08:36 AM

Well, marriage, like a lot of things, is something you make work by committing to it each and every day. If making it work is a conscious decision so is screwing it up. I don't personally buy the line that a man 'just couldn't help himself'. Ever. If I did I would be admitting that I have no self-control, and self-control to me is one of the hallmarks of being an adult, male or female.

There are all sorts of reasons people don't stay faithful, some legitimate and some that have to do with nothing more than the unfaithful person being a selfish prick who should never have gotten married in the first place. But I just don't agree with the idea that a man, or woman, just can't help themselves because of their surroundings.

MJ5150 · #13 11-13-2012, 08:36 AM

The heart is treacherous, who can know it?

I know I love my wife with all of my heart, and have zero intentions of ever violating our marriage vows. That being said, I will never put myself in a position where I could give in to temptation. In my opinion, it would be foolish for any man or woman to say they will never cheat on their spouse under any circumstances.

-Mike

play4sanity · #14 11-13-2012, 08:54 AM

Been married 26 years. Not sure how that happened as it seems only yesterday we were dating. I know that like most folks, I have the capacity to make stupid decisions. Usually led up to by a long line of self-deluding justifications. As soon as you think you CAN'T ... you WILL.

I have to agree with the OP. No opportunities for stupidity = No stupidity.

macaroni tony · #15 11-13-2012, 08:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bassteban

I can't imagine effing around on my wife, but I can imagine being wrong about my ability to resist any and all temptation(s). Only speaking for myself, mind you. Not sure what exactly defines a * man of integrity* these days...

I'm with bassteban on this one. I've done many things in my life that I thought I'd never do (cheating on my wife wasn't one of them), and there are countless folks who, because of overconfidence and bravado, found themselves in a compromising position with another and ruined their family in the meantime.

Yes, it is a conscience decision to cheat. There's no such thing as having sex with someone by accident...you have to build some sort of relationship with someone over time, find yourself alone with that person, disrobe, become aroused, assume some erotic position, and hit the start button. Part of my showing respect for my wife is not getting on that rollercoaster in the first place.

macaroni tony · #16 11-13-2012, 08:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MJ5150

The heart is treacherous, who can know it?

I know I love my wife with all of my heart, and have zero intentions of ever violating our marriage vows. That being said, I will never put myself in a position where I could give in to temptation. In my opinion, it would be foolish for any man or woman to say they will never cheat on their spouse under any circumstances.

-Mike

Wise words, Mike

bloobass · #17 11-13-2012, 09:05 AM

So many factors leading into this....I know for me personally, the best defense is a good offense...I try with all my might to stay away from any situation that would make it easy for me to give in to some kind of carnal desire. I have a strong libido, and I like to be complimented. A female starts telling me how lucky my wife is or telling me how attractive she thinks I am, or sharing too much info...I get the hell away!
I like to think I know (most) my weaknesses and faults, and know better than to ever test them.

edit* yes, I realize I got the saying backwards...you get my point....

turbo chicken · #18 11-13-2012, 09:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MJ5150

The heart is treacherous, who can know it?

I know I love my wife with all of my heart, and have zero intentions of ever violating our marriage vows. That being said, I will never put myself in a position where I could give in to temptation. In my opinion, it would be foolish for any man or woman to say they will never cheat on their spouse under any circumstances.

-Mike

^ i like this guy and agree

Marial · #19 11-13-2012, 09:25 AM

I guess no one here could work as a modeling photographer or in a bar or in a corporate setting where highly intelligent, attractive, women work? I mean, just what kinds of situations are we talking about here? What does the roller coaster look like?

Strat-Mangler · #20 11-13-2012, 09:32 AM

There can be many reasons why people cheat. They can be opportunistic, be unhappy in their relationship, be bored, etc.

I don't think life is capable of being free of all those things 100% of the time, so I suspect that given the right set of circumstances, anybody can cheat.

Regardless, I'm still puzzled as to why that guy resigned. Wanting an extra piece of tail does not automatically mean he's not great at his job (though I don't really know if he was or not).