"After being married for over 37 years,...

[Jawbone]

Since when does having an affair affect your ability to lead or manage other dorks? Two top leaders axed in a week for having affairs.

Seriously, I bet there's only a few good men out there that haven't. This includes looking at internet porn to wack the jack. That is truely an act of unfaithfulness.

[MatticusMania]

Originally Posted by Jawbone

This includes looking at internet porn to wack the jack. That is truely an act of unfaithfulness.

[hover]

Originally Posted by Jawbone

This includes looking at internet porn to wack the jack. That is truely an act of unfaithfulness.

What? I went pro before I even got married.

[bass12]

Originally Posted by Jawbone

Since when does having an affair affect your ability to lead or manage other dorks? Two top leaders axed in a week for having affairs.

Seriously, I bet there's only a few good men out there that haven't. This includes looking at internet porn to wack the jack. That is truely an act of unfaithfulness.

You're kidding, right?

[1958Bassman]

Originally Posted by bass12

You're kidding, right?

Using this logic is why Jimmy Carter admitted "lusting after women".

[bass12]

Originally Posted by Jawbone

Since when does having an affair affect your ability to lead or manage other dorks? Two top leaders axed in a week for having affairs.

Seriously, I bet there's only a few good men out there that haven't. This includes looking at internet porn to wack the jack. That is truely an act of unfaithfulness.

I just remembered some of your past posts. Nevermind.

[Atoz]

Originally Posted by Sav'nBass

This woman is not ugly... at all... in fact.... This is a bad picture.

...

Agreed. I wouldn't mind having her embedded with my unit.

[Phil Smith]

If this was the plot of a movie, I would not believe it at all no matter how good the action and the explosions. The Director of the CIA holding on to messages in a GMail account that could incriminate him in an affair? Now that's science fiction!

[bassinplace]

Originally Posted by Jawbone

Since when does having an affair affect your ability to lead or manage other dorks? Two top leaders axed in a week for having affairs.

Seriously, I bet there's only a few good men out there that haven't. This includes looking at internet porn to wack the jack. That is truely an act of unfaithfulness.

[

[AmpedSilence]

Originally Posted by hdracer

Great at his job???
The guy was the head of the CIA!!!!
If he can not keep a little affair quiet how can he possibly keep a national security issue secret?

Originally Posted by Phil Smith

If this was the plot of a movie, I would not believe it at all no matter how good the action and the explosions. The Director of the CIA holding on to messages in a GMail account that could incriminate him in an affair? Now that's science fiction!

I skimmed through the thread and you guys have a good point, along with everyone else who pointed this out.

I just read about Petraeus today (in detail) and this is really where my confusion lies...

But, I agree with the OP and like what Turbo Chicken's grandfather said lol

[nutdog]

Originally Posted by fdeck

Not if it involves engaging in illegal or unethical discrimination.

I wonder if "reasonable precautions" are effective, or even possible. Do people who take reasonable precautions actually have fewer affairs? I think not, for the following reason: People who seem to have the most at stake, seem to have plenty of affairs. This includes famous religious figures who preach about chastity, and (according to one report that I just read) 1/3 of the past Presidents.

If it were illegal or unethical it would probably fall outside of my definition of reasonable.

I can't speak for everyone but it's working OK for me so far. The people with the most at stake should, IMO, be even more careful because...

Originally Posted by jmattbassplaya

The most at stake, or at such I high position in society that they believe they can do it and get away with it because they're 'too important to lose'. I actually feel the latter. Human ego is limitless.

This does occur but I also think that when a person is in a high position they have more opportunities. A rich, famous and/or beautiful person is going to have more people interested in seeking their affection. I don't really judge people too harshly because I don't know how well I would handle myself if I was wealthy, famous, powerful and good-looking and beautiful women were throwing themselves at me constantly. But I do think there is something to learn here.

Before anyone gets offended I'm going to stipulate that you're all magnanimous hunks of man meat, irresistible to the opposite sex (and sometimes the same), surrounded by lovely ladies at any given moment and the only thing keeping you chaste and pure is your own steely resolve.

Originally Posted by mongo2

I'm lucky, I don't really have to work at it.

I think some of you are making this seem more difficult than it is. I don't spend every moment of the day hiding from women. I like women. They're my favorite sex. I enjoy being around them. Heck, I even married one.

The situation that prompted my original comment was a married, middle-aged father wanting to regularly meet up, presumably alone, with a young model to make music and his wife wasn't crazy about idea. Several people thought this was all her problem with trust. To me it seemed obvious that this wasn't a good idea.

Originally Posted by macaroni tony

Turbo chicken seems to think similar to me....and I'd say, for me, I'm not paranoid that my wife would accuse me of cheating, nor am I scared that I'd get propositioned and be unable to help myself but to bone whomever is standing in front of me. It's just a matter of decorum and respect.

The only difference in his scenarios is that I wouldn't wait outside if my friend's wife is alone in the house...but that is probably because I know my friend's wives well. If it was a friend whose wife I barely knew I probably would wait in the car

I agree with much of what Turbo and his grandpa said. I believe the classic example is Caesar's wife must be above reproach.

For me, I'd go on in and chat. But I wouldn't invite her over for dinner while our spouses were out of town.

Originally Posted by Lovebasslove

As a woman who joined this forum to read the posts of a bass player I was having an affair with (and stayed because y’all are too entertaining), I must chime in to say looks aren’t always the tipping point for an affair to happen. I get what you guys are saying about not having to police every situation where you are alone with a woman who isn’t your wife, but it really can happen to anyone, and it usually starts with making another woman besides your wife your buddy that you confide in. I am that not-as-hot-as-your-wife girl who fell for a great line and good sex and then couldn’t disentangle myself without losing my band and everything I loved about performing. My point is the affair happened out of nowhere, we were buddies and friends and one drunken night we talked too long and late and inappropriately and he laid the ‘kink soul-mate’ line on me. It’s over now, I guess my point is keep your wife the one you have those intimate conversations with, it was a door just tipped open and I stumbled in and stayed way too long.

While some married people may see someone and say to themselves "I must have sex with that person", I agree that it usually doesn't start that way. That isn't to say, as some have suggested, that it happens by "accident". Most bad decisions are actually a series of bad decisions, any one of which by itself may seem innocent.

Originally Posted by Marial

Booze rears its head again.

Being around an attractive person can be it's own form of intoxication.

[mongo2]

Originally Posted by nutdog

Being around an attractive person can be it's own form of intoxication.

Only if one imbibes.

[Pilgrim]

Originally Posted by nutdog

So I ask, should a person of integrity intent on remaining faithful take reasonable precautions to avoid a possible affair, or is a person like the General just the type that, as one poster said, "wants to cheat (so) they will"?

A person of integrity doesn't need to take precautions. If you have integrity, you act appropriately.

If you want to cheat and the opportunity presents itself, you will.

Now - can we separate marital integrity from job integrity, financial integrity, and other issues? Dunno.

[macaroni tony]

Originally Posted by nutdog

Most bad decisions are actually a series of bad decisions, any one of which by itself may seem innocent..

Word!!!

[DwaynieAD]

Originally Posted by mongo2

Only if one imbibes.

I didn't inhale.

[bassinplace]

I think the upshot of this is that controlling yourself comes down to imposing and adhereing to your own boundaries whatever a person may decide they are.

Some peoples might be more strict and austere, some less. The key is knowing what they are and when you may be getting close to them and making the concious choice not to cross them.

The methods being used are beside the point. It's the result of the action that matters and how a person chooses to navigate their actions. Some personal compasses are more accurate than others, let's say. Being mad with power can throw off someone's reading, to be sure.

[slobake]

Here in San Francisco our last mayor had an affair with one of his employees while he was still mayor. Not only was she one of his employees but her husband worked for the mayor as well. The mayor (Gavin Newsom) said he had a problem with drinking and that was the end of it. No one here seemed to care that much. If he was employed anywhere else he would have been quickly shown the door.

[macaroni tony]

Originally Posted by Pilgrim

A person of integrity doesn't need to take precautions. If you have integrity, you act appropriately.

If you want to cheat and the opportunity presents itself, you will.

IMO...a person of integrity and an honest evaluation of his imperfection will steer clear of things that may whittle away at his integrity without his knowing.

[AltGrendel]

Originally Posted by Marial

Well, marriage, like a lot of things, is something you make work by committing to it each and every day. If making it work is a conscious decision so is screwing it up. I don't personally buy the line that a man 'just couldn't help himself'. Ever. If I did I would be admitting that I have no self-control, and self-control to me is one of the hallmarks of being an adult, male or female.

There are all sorts of reasons people don't stay faithful, some legitimate and some that have to do with nothing more than the unfaithful person being a selfish prick who should never have gotten married in the first place. But I just don't agree with the idea that a man, or woman, just can't help themselves because of their surroundings.

+1

[bassinplace]

Originally Posted by macaroni tony

IMO...a person of integrity and an honest evaluation of his imperfection will steer clear of things that may whittle away at his integrity without his knowing.

How does one not know? I don't think that's possible. Delude, ignore or deny, yes, but not know? Nah.