Aging parent...When is it time to take the keys away?

tjclem · #1 10-13-2010, 05:42 PM

My mom is 79 and has never been a good driver according to my now deceased father. She just had brain surgery and had a seizure. She was on medication for that and was told she was not legally allowed to drive because of that. Just today my sister and I were told she decided to go off all medication because it was making her "groggy". At the moment my sister has the keys but my mother has told her to send them to her. We do not want her hurting either herself or anybody else with the car. We don't know what the legal ramifications or options are.

She lives in Florida by the way for those legal minds that may ask.

What have you done? Any thoughts?

My parents did have to pull the keys from her father at one point but we don't know why or how it was done and we certainly can't ask her.

We are her only kids and she has no other family. We don't want to make her life miserable but we can't have her hurting anybody else either. Any tips or advice would be great....t

Komakino · #2 10-13-2010, 05:45 PM

Could you get someone in a position of responsibility to convince her that she may be dangerous? Her doctor or something? In the UK you have to get your license renewed every three years after the age of 70 which involved your doctor confirming you're fit to drive (sadly there's not much more to it than that - frankly there should be a full test retake)

hrodbert696 · #3 10-13-2010, 05:47 PM

My father had brain surgery to remove a tumor and did not drive again after that (though the surgery was successful). The risks are just too high -- with her medication, she's too "groggy," without it, she's vulnerable to have a seizure while behind the wheel. If she's like most mothers I know, including my own, she's probably not going to accept her kids telling her she's not going to drive again. Have a conversation with her doctor, and talk about alternative transportation for her. Of course, I suppose that if the doctor thinks she's good to drive, there you are. But I have a hard time imagining the doctor saying that.

tjclem · #4 10-13-2010, 05:51 PM

Thanks for the response. She just a few months ago passed her test. Unfortunately she is very stubborn and says there is no reason she shouldn't drive. My sister is calling the doc that prescribed the medication to her tomorrow and finding out what potential reaction there may be from her going of them cold turkey....Tom

Kwesi · #5 10-13-2010, 05:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Komakino

Could you get someone in a position of responsibility to convince her that she may be dangerous? Her doctor or something? In the UK you have to get your license renewed every three years after the age of 70 which involved your doctor confirming you're fit to drive (sadly there's not much more to it than that - frankly there should be a full test retake)

I only wish the US would come to it's sense and implement something like this but across all ages. If every few years a driver had to prove his competence the roads would be a much much safer place.

Komakino · #6 10-13-2010, 06:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kwesi

I only wish the US would come to it's sense and implement something like this but across all ages. If every few years a driver had to prove his competence the roads would be a much much safer place.

It's not as much good as it looks at first glance. All it really is, is your doctor saying you're fit to drive MEDICALLY. Sadly there's no check on your actual driving ability. There are people driving (over around the age of 90) who never took a driving test because they started driving before the test came into force in 1935, and other who never took a test because testing was suspended during the second world war and then the suez crisis in 1952.

What's really needed is a proper ability test for people over a certain age to make sure they know the rules of the road and a capable of controlling a vehicle.

vbsurfer3001 · #7 10-13-2010, 06:11 PM

Very tough issue. I work in a CCRC and this is one of the most difficult steps, even more difficult than moving someone "through the continuum of care" and into Assisted Living. We have an entire panel who review several different interviews, capacity & competence tests and medical examinations from people with all sorts of alphabet soup behind their names on their door, it still comes down to the family member lovingly taking the keys and talking with their loved one.

BUT, I would definitely advise seeking out professional review of her capacity to drive beyond her doctor's check up.

You are doing this because you love her, so don't feel guilty.

Komakino · #8 10-13-2010, 06:13 PM

Is it possible to get someone's licence rescinded? Like how you can get someone committed for being insane, can you get a professional opinion that can have their licence revoked?

Rocks · #9 10-13-2010, 06:14 PM

My dad has already had the keys taken away. We didn't have to do it as his condition was bad enough that the doctor handled it for us without even having to ask. Now we are faced with this coming soon with our mom. She is still ok right now but she is getting older so its just a matter of time. I hope you can get the doctor involved as that will certainly make things easier for you. Also remember that just because you have the keys doesn't mean she can't call a locksmith to make her a new one. I lost my keys once and a guy drove over in a van and made a new key to fit my car on the spot. So it is best if you remove the car not just the keys. Plus there is no sense is having her look at it every day wishing she could still drive it.

tjclem · #10 10-13-2010, 06:24 PM

Thanks all I will send this thread to my sister too. As for making keys it is a '07 Camry so making a key will not be an instant thing.

She is in a CCRC in Vero Beach so we will be contacting them too. Thanks again for the input. Keep it coming....t

Komakino · #11 10-13-2010, 06:32 PM

Could an American please tell me what CCRC stands for? Thanks

Kwesi · #12 10-13-2010, 06:37 PM

You could always put your Dad's car up on blocks:

handle business like it's the 90s all over again

L-A · #13 10-13-2010, 06:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Komakino

Could an American please tell me what CCRC stands for? Thanks

Continuing Care Retirement Community. Depending on the residents' degree of autonomy, it takes the form of a residential building with common rooms and the appropriate amount of services and facilities.

tjclem · #14 10-13-2010, 06:48 PM

At the moment she lives in a separate house in the community but they do handle people all the way through "end stage"

on the property.

As for the "on blocks" situation funny ......but tempting..

Komakino · #15 10-13-2010, 06:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by L-A

Continuing Care Retirement Community. Depending on the residents' degree of autonomy, it takes the form of a residential building with common rooms and the appropriate amount of services and facilities.

I asked for an American to tell me. Your location is Qubec - that's barely even Canada!

L-A · #16 10-13-2010, 06:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Komakino

I asked for an American to tell me. Your location is Qubec - that's barely even Canada!

Mind you, that's why I have proper answers.

LilRay · #17 10-13-2010, 06:55 PM

Tom, If your mom seizes while driving that may be her last moment here.

I had my first of two seizures about four years ago and have taken medication since. I made the same mistake of "coming off/quitting medicine" after six months being seizure free and doing so caused the second seizure. You have to wean from such medicine, by doctors supervision.

The medication makes you move slower than a fat man away from the buffet line and DOES make you groggy, but you overcome that after a while as your body becomes accustom.

PLEASE tell your Mom to stay taking the medication. Seizures are no fun. When you awake after going through one you're completely exhausted as if you fought Tyson, Ali, Foreman and Frazier all at once for 1000 rounds.

I'm 32 and a fairly tough minded guy, and I didn't want to move for hours after either one.

Let me know how things go please.

God Bless, Ray

vbsurfer3001 · #18 10-13-2010, 07:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Komakino

Could an American please tell me what CCRC stands for? Thanks

Sorry, Continuing Care Retirement Community, you move in as an independent resident and as you age move into assisted Living, then Nursing Home and finally Hospice.

There are many types of campuses, ours is about 1m sqft, 2 14 story towers, apartments ranging from a 500 sqft studio to a 1,900 sqft 2 bedroom 2.5 bath.

jrthebassguy · #19 10-13-2010, 08:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Komakino

Could you get someone in a position of responsibility to convince her that she may be dangerous? Her doctor or something? In the UK you have to get your license renewed every three years after the age of 70 which involved your doctor confirming you're fit to drive (sadly there's not much more to it than that - frankly there should be a full test retake)

I wish the US would implement something like that - the closest I've ever come to getting into a serious wreck was not the usual suspects (like a drunk driver or some inexperienced teenager), it was an old blue hair behind the wheel of an Oldsmobile. I also wish we didn't hand out drivers licenses like it was candy.

Obviously there are some (most?) elderly drivers who aren't that way. Once the baby boomers start hitting their senior years, I sadly see "old driver" fatalities rising in this country unless some sort of renewal test is implemented.

tjclem · #20 10-14-2010, 05:59 AM

Yes I agree...t