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02-19-2008, 07:06 PM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: NW IL | | | Anniversery Mistake
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Ed was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry.
She told him: "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less then 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!"
The next morning Ed got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, and brought the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Ed has been missing since Friday. |
02-19-2008, 07:10 PM
| | Banned | | Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Ontario, Canada | | Quote:
Originally Posted by lawsonman  Ed was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry.
She told him: "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less then 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!"
The next morning Ed got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, and brought the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Ed has been missing since Friday. | I had to read that 3 times, then I got it. And laughed. Well done. |
02-19-2008, 07:19 PM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: St. Louis,MO | | | Lol... nice.
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02-19-2008, 07:33 PM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Bay Area, CA | | | ha lol. made me laugh. |
02-19-2008, 07:38 PM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Houston, TX | | | lol
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02-19-2008, 07:42 PM
|  | Layin' Down Time
Endorsing Artist: Roscoe Guitars Moderator | | Join Date: Apr 2000 Location: Omaha, Nebraska | | | Very funny!
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Roscoe #6181/#6259/#D010/#D049 Quartus on Facebook my photography website Quote:
Originally Posted by KeithBMI Pacman. He serves out nice warm portions of kickass. | |
02-19-2008, 07:42 PM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Boston | |
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"... and your picture of Stalin riding a Year3 Limited Edition Starflower inside a German concentration camp was both upsetting and historically inaccurate."
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02-19-2008, 10:32 PM
|  | Registered User | | Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: College Station, Texas | | | Whoa that is awesome. Hahah |
02-19-2008, 10:57 PM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Sudbury, Canada | | | Heh heh heh!
That was awesome!
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Originally Posted by MakiSupaStar They also get laid too. That's the difference between old people and you. | Bassists with beards club # 136
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02-19-2008, 11:06 PM
| | Not Actually Knighted... Yet! | | Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Cincinnati, Ohio | | |
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Balls.
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02-19-2008, 11:07 PM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Metro Detroit, Michigan | | | Haha. |
02-19-2008, 11:59 PM
| | | | Along the same lines.....
A man took his wife to the rodeo and one of the first exhibits they stopped at was the breeding bulls. They went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said,
”THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR”
The wife playfully nudged her husband in the ribs and said, “He mated 50 times last year.”
They walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said,
''THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR”
The wife gave her husband a healthy jab and said, “That's more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him.”
They walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, in capital letters,
”THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR”
The wife, so excited that her elbow nearly broke her husband's ribs, said, “That's once a day. You could REALLY learn something from this one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
The husband looked at her and said, “Go over and ask him if it was with the same old cow.”
The husband's condition has been up graded from critical to stable and he should eventually make a full recovery. |
02-20-2008, 07:59 AM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Texas | | | This was one of those jokes I've heard a few hundred times, but you sucked me right in! |
02-20-2008, 08:29 AM
|  | Registered User | | Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: NYC/LI | | Quote:
Originally Posted by lawsonman Ed was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry.
She told him: "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less then 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!"
The next morning Ed got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, and brought the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Ed has been missing since Friday. | 
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02-20-2008, 10:27 AM
| | Thor's Hammer 2.1.3beta | | Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: South Houston, TX | | Quote:
Originally Posted by fenderx55 | That is the best LOLCAT ever...
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02-20-2008, 10:59 AM
| | You can't plagiarize yourself. | | Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Elgin, IL | | | I got this joke today. LOL!
I rear-ended a car this morning.
So there we are alongside the road and slowly the driver gets out of the car. . . and you know how you just get sooo stressed out and life-stuff seems to get funny?
Yeah, well, I could NOT believe it: he was a DWARF!
He storms over to my car, looks up at me and says, "I AM NOT HAPPY!"
So, I look down at him and say, "Well, which one are you then?"
.........and that's when the fight started.
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Originally Posted by MakiSupaStar Now I get it. Hi. I'm Maki. I'm dumb. :p | |
02-20-2008, 11:01 AM
| | Registered User | | Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: St. Louis,MO | | Quote:
Originally Posted by tbrannon Along the same lines.....
A man took his wife to the rodeo and one of the first exhibits they stopped at was the breeding bulls. They went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said,
”THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR”
The wife playfully nudged her husband in the ribs and said, “He mated 50 times last year.”
They walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said,
''THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR”
The wife gave her husband a healthy jab and said, “That's more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him.”
They walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, in capital letters,
”THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR”
The wife, so excited that her elbow nearly broke her husband's ribs, said, “That's once a day. You could REALLY learn something from this one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
The husband looked at her and said, “Go over and ask him if it was with the same old cow.”
The husband's condition has been up graded from critical to stable and he should eventually make a full recovery. |
Lol'd at this one as well.
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Fender MIA Club Member #95
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02-20-2008, 11:01 AM
|  | Moderator
Endorsing Artist: Levy's Leathers Moderator | | Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Toronto/Niagara Falls, Ontario | | | lmao this thread delivers. |
02-20-2008, 11:05 AM
| | Banned | | Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Detroit | | | |
02-20-2008, 11:58 AM
| | | | Another one worthy of inclusion:
Amazing Weight Loss Program!!
A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.
The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck.
She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, 'If you can catch me, you can have me.'
Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later huffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lbs. as promised.
He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program. The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, 'If you catch me you can have me'.
Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck.
So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape. Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised. He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program
'Are you sure?' asks the representative on the phone. 'This is our most rigorous program.'
'Absolutely,' he replies, 'I haven't felt this good in years.'
The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and
a sign around his neck that reads, 'If I catch you, your Butt is mine.'
He lost 63 pounds that week. | | Thread Tools | Search this Thread | | | | 
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