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  #1  
Old 02-28-2008, 09:00 PM
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Anyone know some good kilt jokes?

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I only know 2:

#1
Little old lady tourist speaking to Scotsman: Is anything worn under the kilt?

Scotsman: No my dear, it's all in good working order.

#2

Little old lady tourist: What's under the kilt?

Scotsman: Feel for yourself lass.

Little old lady, feels under the kilt then yanks her hand away: Oh my God, it's gruesome!!

Scotsman: Feel again dearie, it grew some more.



Let's hear 'em if you got 'em!
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  #2  
Old 02-28-2008, 09:02 PM
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Ah kinna rrrrimemburr but th' poonch line, lad:
I kinna say but looks like a've won furst prize.
HOOT mon.
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  #3  
Old 02-28-2008, 09:03 PM
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I can apply all my Paddy jokes to Sweaty jokes if you want... but none about kilts...
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Old 02-28-2008, 09:05 PM
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Tourist: So what do you wear under your kilt?
Scotsman: Your wife's lipstick
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  #5  
Old 02-28-2008, 09:09 PM
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Why do the Scottish wear kilts?

Because sheep can hear zippers from a mile away!
  #6  
Old 02-28-2008, 09:10 PM
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http://tribes.tribe.net/meninkilts/t...7-969c6060f580
  #7  
Old 02-28-2008, 09:20 PM
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Lassy: "Laddy, I can tell yeh be wantin' to be holdin' me hand."
Laddy: "And how can yeh be tellin' that?"
Lassy: "I can tell by the twinkle in yer eye..."
(a while later)
Lassy: "Laddy, I can tell yeh be wantin' to put yer arms around me."
Laddy: "And how can yeh be tellin' that?"
Lassy: "I can tell by the twinkle in yer eye..."
(a little while later)
Lassy: "Laddy, I can tell yeh be wantin' to be lovin' me."
Laddy: "And how can ye be tellin' that, by the twinkle in me eye?"
Lassy: "No Laddy, I can tell by the tilt in yer kilt."
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  #8  
Old 02-28-2008, 09:23 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bassteban View Post
Ah kinna rrrrimemburr but th' poonch line, lad:
I kinna say but looks like a've won furst prize.
HOOT mon.
That'd be "The Scotsman" by Mike Cross. You can listen to it here.

Well a Scotsman clad in kilt left a bar on evening fair
And one could tell by how we walked that he drunk more than his share
He fumbled round until he could no longer keep his feet
Then he stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street
Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh
He stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street

About that time two young and lovely girls just happend by
And one says to the other with a twinkle in her eye
See yon sleeping Scotsman so strong and handsome built
I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilt
Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh
I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilt

They crept up on that sleeping Scotsman quiet as could be
Lifted up his kilt about an inch so they could see
And there behold, for them to see, beneath his Scottish skirt
Was nothing more than God had graced him with upon his birth
Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh
Was nothing more than God had graced him with upon his birth

They marveled for a moment, then one said we must be gone
Let's leave a present for our friend, before we move along
As a gift they left a blue silk ribbon, tied into a bow
Around the bonnie star, the Scots kilt did lift and show
Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh
Around the bonnie star, the Scots kilt did lift and show

Now the Scotsman woke to nature's call and stumbled towards a tree
Behind a bush, he lift his kilt and gawks at what he sees
And in a startled voice he says to what's before his eyes.
O lad I don't know where you been but I see you won first prize
Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh
O lad I don't know where you been but I see you won first prize

Last edited by Rugaar : 02-28-2008 at 09:29 PM.
  #9  
Old 02-29-2008, 06:40 AM
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First prize indeed.
  #10  
Old 02-29-2008, 06:44 AM
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I've got one, but since this is a familiy forum, it may violate the TOS so I'll abstain.
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  #11  
Old 02-29-2008, 06:47 AM
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That song is a classic. And it always gets a scream from the crowd at the end.

OH MAN I'm ready for St. Paddy's!!!
  #12  
Old 02-29-2008, 06:49 AM
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The one about needing a kilt that comes down to my ankles so it adesuately covers my "man parts".
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  #13  
Old 02-29-2008, 07:10 AM
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wait a minute... I thought that the kilt WAS the joke?

kidding.

"The kilt was oonly fir day-tah-day wear!!! In BATTLE... we wore a fool-length goown, COVERED IN SEQUINS!!! The idea was to blind your opponent with LUXURY!!!"

- Groundskeeper Willie
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  #14  
Old 02-29-2008, 07:18 AM
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Woman Tourist “What are you wearing under your kilt?”

Scottish Man "How warm are your hands?"
  #15  
Old 02-29-2008, 08:29 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Toasted View Post
The one about needing a kilt that comes down to my ankles so it adesuately covers my "man parts".
Ach lad, the John Holmes kilt!
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The behaviour of today's senior citizens is appalling!
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