Assistance from other Fathers sought...

[Pacman]

So I have an amazing daughter, who's growing up faster than I'm comfortable with. She's a great kid - perfect grades, involved with sports, choir, and band. Has a great head on her shoulders, and I trust her completely.

She's in 7th grade this year, and it's the 1st year I'm going to let boys come sniffing around (group dates only, no one-on-one things). Sure enough, one has asked, which brings me to my point.....

By all accounts, this kid is a really good kid, but he has to pass the 'father interview' portion of the event - a rite of passage for all fathers. I want to make the kid squirm a little, but I don't want to be a jerk (if he was a jerk, I could handle it). If I play this wrong, I could lose some of the great communication I've got going on with my kid.

Any of you fathers of daughters have any advice on making a kid squirm a little on his first trip to meet Dad?

And before any of our younger members chime in, no - you can't come anywhere near my little girl.

[Relic]

Talk nicely to him. be friendly and cordial.... but be cleaning a rifle while doing so

[macaroni tony]

I'm not a father, but a father figure to many people. One thing I often do is put my arm around the guy's shoulders in a friendly, yet slightly intimidating manner. Makes them feel like they're all right in my book, but they don't want to make me upset both as a friend, and as someone who will cause bodily harm

Works for me, at least.

[Pacman]

I should mention that guns are outlawed in Japan, so all of mine are back in Texas...

[capnsandwich]

Ooh man! I don't envy you at all. My daughter's only 16 months and I already know she's going to have dudes all over the place when she gets to that age.

All I can suggest is to be real with the guy but let him know that you're allowing this based on his character, not just because your daughter likes him or vice versa, and if he screws that up, he screws it ALL up. Your daughter should be in the room as well. That way she gets your drift too.

[macaroni tony]

offer him a beer, see how comfortable he is with that

[John Ruiz]

Honestly, if he's anything like I was at that age, he'll be squirming already just at the prospect of meeting you. I always had butterflies when meeting the dates' parental units, even though they always ended up liking me.

That said, you could buy a sign that says "screw the dog, beware of the Dad" and hang it over your door when he comes over. Subtle. Effective.

Edited since I read that guns are outlawed there.

[McHaven]

Originally Posted by Pacman

I should mention that guns are outlawed in Japan, so all of mine are back in Texas...

Well...maybe be wearing your fatigues, or reading some sort of combat manual.

As a young man who has gone through several sort of "father interviews," doing any crazy/aggressive things will make the boy never want to come around again. I've seen dads cleaning their guns, threatening me, etc. Typically it makes me think "if there's that much crazy in the dad, there's got to be some in the girl" and I typically don't bother after the first date, unless I'm proven wrong. You also don't want to do anything to piss off your daughter, especially if she really does like this boy. That's a sure-fire way to make sure that you'll no longer have an influence on the boys she likes.

I'd suggest just being cordial, friendly, but make sure the boy knows that you will not tolerate any funny business, inappropriateness, and if he hurts your daughter, he will no longer be welcome anywhere you see him.

if you want your daughter to be happy and she really does like this boy, try and find the good things about him. Don't focus on any negative thing. The best fathers I've encountered while dating have all shared a common interest with me (can be anything really), and have been as interested in hearing my opinions as much as their own.

[iamlowsound]

When I started dating my girlfriend (I was 21), I went around to her parents place to have a chat with her dad. We went for a walk around the neighbourhood and talked a lot about honour, expectations and he clearly said that he was okaying me dating his daughter (23 at the time), because he trusted her judgment and I had to earn his trust. It was way more intimidating than it would have been if he had done it while cleaning a loaded gun blindfolded. It also earned a lot of respect for him in my books, because it showed how much he cared for his daughter. Didn't hurt his impression of me either, because I was willing to talk to him about my intentions ect.

lowsound

EDIT: Don't try and scare him off, chances are that they will still go out, just they wont be hanging around your place anymore.

[KingofPizza]

I can't speak to the daughter part, but I have a 7th grade son. He goes on group dates all the time and is used to meeting dads. He doesn't squirm, at all. Well spoken, outstanding athlete, great smile and sense of humor- he is confident around adults and dads seem to like him immediately. He has one other thing- a long taught and closely held conviction that the girls must always be treated properly and politely no matter their attitude, and, when out, you never, ever let them out of your sight. Both my sons go by this credo, and they seem to do fine. If he sees this post, he'll want her phone number, even if she's 12000 miles away.

[Crass!]

I don't have any daughters, but I have a scenario that I went through that may be of use.

I had been dating this girl for a while - fresh out of highschool and very wild. Not crazy, just wild. I went to pick her up from her house for the first time after we had been dating for a month or so. Her dad had castrated one of his pigs and nailed the, uh, bangers to a tree by the front door. We continued date for a while but I never picked her up from her place again

[elgecko]

Originally Posted by Pacman

I should mention that guns are outlawed in Japan, so all of mine are back in Texas...

Then polish your katana!

[McHaven]

Wanted to add this in:

Do not ask "what are your plans for my daughter?" I mean come on, we were all that age once. What do YOU think his plans are? Probably the same plans you had at that age. He will only give you a BS answer to that question.

[MakiSupaStar]

I think the best thing you could do is make him feel like he's an exception. Tell him that you have a strict rule with your daughter that forbids her to date at this age, but that she (your daughter) speaks really highly of him, so you felt like you had to meet him. Then, after you've let him squirm (with a whole of awkward silences) tell him that you'll make an exception, but that you're trusting him based upon his good character and the word of your daughter.

OR you could hook him up to a polygraph test while playing mean death metal cranked up on your 8x10 while you're in a kabuki costume. Build your bassline into tense feedbacky warbles of doom at which point you shout your questions at him. If he flinches or the needle fluctuates call him a

LIAR!!!!!!!

and proceed to scream it until his nose bleeds.

Then kiss your daughter on the forehead while sharpening your katana and remind him that she needs to be back home by ten.

EDIT: Just curious. Is he Japanese?

[5StringBlues]

Pac,



You inspire fear in others thousands of miles away on an online forum.


If that kid is in 7th grade he's going to be shaking in his boots anyway.


You'll be fine.

[stratovani]

When my daughter was in the 7th grade she was 12 going on 13. No boys came around asking her out on any kind of date, group or otherwise, and I wouldn't have permitted it. She was only a short time removed from middle school and I would have felt she was still too young at that age.

Just my opinion. YMMV.

[robd]

My daughter is in 8th grade..I feel your pain. Be firm polite and slightly intimidating. The arm around the shoulder is good, I still remember a girls father doing that to me and explaining in a quiet voice just what behavior was expected from me.



You'll enjoy this.


10 Simple Rules for Dating My Daughter
Copyright 1998 W. Bruce Cameron
Please do not remove the copyright from this essay

When I was in high school I used to be terrified of my girlfriend’s father, who I believe suspected me of wanting to place my hands on his daughter’s chest. He would open the door and immediately affect a good-naturedly murderous expression, holding out a handshake that, when gripped, felt like it could squeeze carbon into diamonds.

Now, years later, it is my turn to be the dad. Remembering how unfairly persecuted I felt when I would pick up my dates, I do my best to make my daughter’s suitors feel even worse. My motto: wilt them in the living room and they’ll stay wilted all night.

“So,” I’ll call out jovially. “I see you have your nose pierced. Is that because you’re stupid, or did you merely want to APPEAR stupid?”

As a dad, I have some basic rules, which I have carved into two stone tablets that I have on display in my living room.
Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter’s body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don’t take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, In order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I’m sure you’ve been told that in today’s world, sex without utilizing a “barrier method” of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
In order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is “early”

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don’t you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter:
- Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool.

- Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight.

- Places where there is darkness.

- Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness.

- Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat.

- Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chainsaws are okay.

- Hockey games are okay.

- Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you God. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy outside of Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car-there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

[MJ5150]

Ask him to show up 15 minutes early to pick up your daughter so you can visit. That will have him squirming for days before he even gets there.

-Mike

[jady]

Put your arm around his shoulder and say "Anything you do to her I am going to do to you when you get back."

[5StringBlues]

Originally Posted by jady

Put your arm around his shoulder and say "Anything you do to her I am going to do to you when you get back."

^ This.Is.Pure.GENIUS!