ATTENTION French speaking TBers: NEED HELP

[Foxworthy925]

Hey guys, I'm in dire need of some speedy assistance. I'm in French 3 and we're reading the Petit Nicolas stories (if any one's familiar with them). We have a project that's due on Wednesday where we basically write our own story about petit Nicolas. About a week ago, we were supposed to turn in the rough draft so that our teacher could correct all the errors, so we would have an error free final project in book form. I had two gigs to prepare for that weekend, and had to go to band practice every day that week: I ran out of time and couldn't turn in my rough draft to get corrected.

If any fluent French speaking members could glance over my short story and give me some help, I would be eternally grateful. Spelling, grammar, phrasing things in a French manner, etc. I need to narrate/record this story and make it into a fully illustrated book by Wednesday, so I really need your guys' quick replies.

THANKYOU

BTW I know it's a pretty hokey story, but I needed to write it in a rush.
EDIT: scroll down for revised version.

[BassManPatsFan]

Ok where to start...
It's not terrible, but it seems like there are a lot of phrases that you just put into an english-french translator. Unfortunately that doesn't usually work.

-"Tous les ans..." -> "Chaque année..."
-"Je reçois toujours les cadeaux bons" -> "je reçois toujours des bons cadeaux"
-"J'avais voulu...pour toujours" -> "J'avais voulu...depuis longtemps"

You get the idea. There's a lot more there that needs reworking. Honestly, it would probably be most helpful for you to sit down with your teacher or someone who's good at french grammar so that they could explain to you why what you wrote doesn't work and why it's supposed to be something else. French has a lot of grammatical rules and exceptions to the rules and exceptions to the exceptions to the rules. Sure I or someone else could rewrite your paper for you, but that wouldn't teach you anything...

[Foxworthy925]

Ok, thanks man. I know it's pretty sketchy. Thank you for the help.

[WickedPissah]

Would you be referring to Nicolas Chabrier?

[Foxworthy925]

I revised some things. If anyone could read over this one and give me some further guidance...

[crispygoat]

Originally Posted by BassManPatsFan

Ok where to start...
It's not terrible, but it seems like there are a lot of phrases that you just put into an english-french translator. Unfortunately that doesn't usually work.

-"Tous les ans..." -> "Chaque année..."
-"Je reçois toujours les cadeaux bons" -> "je reçois toujours des bons cadeaux"
-"J'avais voulu...pour toujours" -> "J'avais voulu...depuis longtemps"

You get the idea. There's a lot more there that needs reworking. Honestly, it would probably be most helpful for you to sit down with your teacher or someone who's good at french grammar so that they could explain to you why what you wrote doesn't work and why it's supposed to be something else. French has a lot of grammatical rules and exceptions to the rules and exceptions to the exceptions to the rules. Sure I or someone else could rewrite your paper for you, but that wouldn't teach you anything...

you're not french either are you


but like he said, you should try to work on the phrases first !

[Foxworthy925]

Originally Posted by WickedPissah

Would you be referring to Nicolas Chabrier?

Idk? The book's title is "Les Aventures du Petit Nicolas" and the authors are Jean-Jacques Sempé, René Goscinny, and edited by Charles Kaplan.

[werbo1]

C'est un livre pour les enfants.

I remember reading those last year and having to do the same assignment!

Did you by any chance read the one where they smoke? It was hilariousl

[WickedPissah]

Ever heard of Drole de Mission?

[Foxworthy925]

Originally Posted by werbo1

C'est un livre pour les enfants.

I remember reading those last year and having to do the same assignment!

Did you by any chance read the one where they smoke? It was hilariousl

Oh I know, that one was great. Just this week we performed skits for each story in the book. I had my heart set on the Je fume, but my group chose Je suis malade.

[Foxworthy925]

Originally Posted by WickedPissah

Ever heard of Drole de Mission?

Non, qu'est-ce que c'est?

[flipper_gv]

Here you go, only read once, but most of the errors aren't there anymore.

[WickedPissah]

Originally Posted by Foxworthy925

Non, qu'est-ce que c'est?

C'est un livre que je lis en classe.

[Foxworthy925]

Originally Posted by flipper_gv

Here you go, only read once, but most of the errors aren't there anymore.

Thank you so much! That's exactly the help I needed.

Just a few questions though. In the third paragraph, when mom gives advice, I was meaning originally for her to say "I want you to follow your heart". Just so that Nicolas, being a kid, could say something kid-like by saying "I want to play with people, not hearts". What you corrected it with makes total sense and is probably a better thing to say; I just wanted to make an attempt at humor in Petit Nicolas fashion. Is what I wrote completely incorrect?

[Foxworthy925]

Haha, I like little ending line in () that you added too.

Oh, and with the paragraph about the techtonic music, I was just referring to this stuff, which we learned a bit about in class:
http://fr.youtube.com/watch?v=iz4bzcOvCt4
Should I still change it to "musique électronique"?

Just by the way, when you chose to use the passé simple in a few places, what dictated your decision?

Thanks again for all the help.

[BassManPatsFan]

Originally Posted by crispygoat

you're not french either are you

Haha no, but I've been studying the language for most of my life. Just trying to help.

De beaux cadeaux makes more sense than bons cadeaux. I should have picked up on that. I also should have had french-speaking internet acquaintances correct my french homework back in the day.

[Foxworthy925]

Originally Posted by BassManPatsFan

... I also should have had french-speaking internet acquaintances correct my french homework back in the day.

Yes, I am a lucky man