Sent to me from my guitard
In the beginning there was a bass. It was a
Fender, probably a Precision, but it could
have been a Jazz - nobody
knows. Anyway, it was
very old... definitely pre-C.B.S.
And God looked down upon it and saw that it was
good. He saw that it was very good in fact,
and couldn't be improved on at all (though men
would later try.) And so He let it be and He
created a Man to play the bass.
And lo the man looked upon the bass, which was a
beautiful 'sunburst' finish, and he loved it. He played
upon the open E string and the note
rang through the earth and reverberated throughout
the firmaments (thus reverb came to be.)
And it was good. And God heard that it was good and
He smiled at his handiwork.
Then in the course of time, the man came to slap
upon the bass. And lo, it was funky. And God
heard this funkiness and He said, Go man, go.
And it was good.
And more time passed, and, having little else to
do, the man came to practice upon the bass. And lo,
the man came to have upon him a great
set of chops. And he did play faster and faster
until the notes rippled like a breeze through the heavens.
And God heard this sound which sounded something
like the wind, which He had created earlier. It also sounded
something like the movement of furniture, which He hadn't
even created yet, and He was not so pleased.
And God spoke to the man, saying Don't do
that.
Now the man heard the voice of God, but he was so
excited about his new ability that he slapped upon the
bass a blizzard of funky notes.
And the heavens shook with the sound, and the Angels
ran about in confusion. (Some of the Angels
started to dance, but that's another story.)
And God heard about this - how could He miss it - and lo
He became Bugged.
And He spoke to the man, and He said, Listen
Man, if I wanted Jimi Hendrix I would have created the guitar.
Stick to the bass parts. And the man heard the voice of God,
and he knew not to mess with Him.
But now an then he had upon him a passion for playing fast and high.
The man took the frets off of the bass which God had created.
And the man did slide his fingers upon the fretless fingerboard
and play melodies high upon the neck. And, in his excitement,
the man did forget the commandment of the Lord, and he
played a frenzy of high melodies and blindingly fast licks.
And the heavens rocked with the assault and the earth shook,
rattled and rolled.
Now God's wrath was great. And His voice was like thunder as
He spoke to the man.
And He said, O.K. for you, pal, You have not heeded My word.
Lo, I shall create a soprano saxophone and it shall play higher
than you can even think of.
And from out of the chaos I shall bring forth the drums. And
they shall play so many notes thine head shall ache, and I
shall make you to always stand next to the drummer.
You think you're loud? I shall create a stack of Marshall guitar
amps to make thine ears bleed. And I shall send down upon the
earth other instruments, and lo, they shall all be able to play
higher and faster than the bass.
And for all the days of man, your curse shall be this: that all the
other musicians shall look to you, the bass player, for the low notes.
And if you play too high or fast all the other musicians shall say
Wow, but really they shall hate it. And they shall tell you that you are
ready for your solo career, and find other bass players for their
bands. And for all your days if you want to play your fancy licks,
you shall have to sneak them in like a thief in the night.
And if ever you finally do get to play a solo, everyone shall leave the
bandstand and go to the bar for a drink .
And it was so.
.
