bi polar self/ signifigant other...

Lowner · #1 11-28-2011, 05:38 AM

I am trying to get some insight into bi polar disorder because my fiancee has it. And there is something about his behavior i dont understand.
He cant hold down jobs because attendance is an issue for him. He says he gets too depressed to work and when the alarm goes off in the morning he refuses to go to work. He ends up calling off then getting fired.
He was turned down for disability twice then turned down in appeals as well.
We cant live on my salary alone so we need his income to pay bills. I think his not wanting to go to work is just plain immaturity and he uses bi polar as an excuse for it.
So i was wondering if anyone out there is bi polarv and has an issue with working and attendance on the job? or is he just immature?
If you work how do you go to work everyday ? what do you do to overcome your illness?
or if you have a spouse of bf/gf with the illness please chime in too.

sandmangeck · #2 11-28-2011, 05:56 AM

Do yourself a favor. Find a new fiance. If the guy can't find a job/stay on meds/etc etc, you will be fighting for the rest of your life.

i_got_a_mohawk · #3 11-28-2011, 05:57 AM

Does he claim to have it, or has he been diagnosed with it?

If he hasn't been diagnosed, get him to see a doctor.

Lowner · #4 11-28-2011, 06:17 AM

Yes. He has been formalky diagnosed with it. He never refuses his meds. His only issue wirh the illness is this refusal to wirk.

Lowner · #5 11-28-2011, 06:36 AM

Yes. He has been formalky diagnosed with it. He never refuses his meds. His only issue wirh the illness is this refusal to wirk.

i_got_a_mohawk · #6 11-28-2011, 06:44 AM

Can you be laid off because of a mental issue in the US? I didn't think you could (well, legally).

PSPookie · #7 11-28-2011, 06:53 AM

Lownered

Don't hold your breath waiting fro replies form the OP.

**Staccato** · #8 11-28-2011, 07:03 AM

A good friend owns a large retail business with inventory. He was diagnosed in college, and has stayed on his meds for 20+ years, since. The guy knows the importance of showing up on time, and having the lights on & coffee brewing before the customers hit the door.

Your fiance needs ambition/direction in his working life. He doesn't need a keeper as much as an attitude change, right?

i_got_a_mohawk · #9 11-28-2011, 07:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PSPookie

Lownered

Don't hold your breath waiting fro replies form the OP.

The OP has been replying tho?

iamlowsound · #10 11-28-2011, 07:22 AM

I know someone that has it, and she calls in sick at least once a week. Although, I have never attributed that to her being bi-poler.

lowsound

gttim · #11 11-28-2011, 07:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sandmangeck

Do yourself a favor. Find a new fiance.

+1

Sorry, unless you are going to enjoy supporting the guy for the rest of your life, move on. I know women who have done this. Resentment will grow.

Joey3313 · #12 11-28-2011, 07:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by iamlowsound

I know someone that has it, and she calls in sick at least once a week. Although, I have never attributed that to her being bi-poler.

lowsound

Whereas my sister has it, and even without medication, never misses work.

I also know a lot of people who have nothing wrong with them, and never go to work and can't keep a job.

I think it depends on the person and has nothing to do with being bipolar.

If the guy is on medication, then he simply is using it as an excuse. GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN. If this is him on medication, do you really see things getting any better?

Lowner · #13 11-28-2011, 07:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by i_got_a_mohawk

Can you be laid off because of a mental issue in the US? I didn't think you could (well, legally).

Yes actually you can. It happened to my fiancee. The enployer had a ketter in record and was still fired. We loojed into it abd its legal to. Do that.

Relic · #14 11-28-2011, 09:25 AM

My ex wife is bipolar and I pretty much went through 10 years of misery trying to change and help her overcome it. The one lesson that I've learned is that there will be no help, no change, no hope until they themselves realize that they have a problem and that they need to get help and/or change themselves. If you can reach that point with them, then there's potentially a good life ahead, if not? run.

shadowtippy · #15 11-28-2011, 10:11 AM

My late wife was bi-polar. It did not stop her from going to work. She worked full time and rarely missed work. She did end up "eating her gun," but that's another story.

6jase5 · #16 11-28-2011, 11:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shadowtippy

My late wife was bi-polar. It did not stop her from going to work. She worked full time and rarely missed work. She did end up "eating her gun," but that's another story.

sad, just sad

i_got_a_mohawk · #17 11-28-2011, 11:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lowner

Yes actually you can. It happened to my fiancee. The enployer had a ketter in record and was still fired. We loojed into it abd its legal to. Do that.

I realise it happened (you said earlier), that is only why I raised the question. All manner of hell could get kicked up about that in many other places is all.

mrpackerguy · #18 11-28-2011, 11:40 AM

I have two relatives with depression. They almost never miss work. Move on with your life or it sounds like a life of misery.

Southpaw5 · #19 11-28-2011, 11:43 AM

For those of you telling the OP he(the fiancee) should just get over it, you're wrong. It's a roller coaster with crippling lows and skyscraper highs.

Its the lows, the depression that are affecting your fiancee the worst from what you have provided. He may be on medication, but they are not fully working for him. There are a lot of medications available, some work best paired with another.

I've seen this first hand, its not pretty and definitely not healthy, and if it goes unchecked then suicide is a very real concern. Your fiancee should consult his doctor, often those suffering from bi-polar disorder need to go through a whole range of medications until they find the right balance.

Mental health is not a joke and the risks are VERY real

Relic · #20 11-28-2011, 11:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by i_got_a_mohawk

I realise it happened (you said earlier), that is only why I raised the question. All manner of hell could get kicked up about that in many other places is all.

It's a gray area. At least in this state. I don't think they can fire you because of mental illness, etc*, BUT they can fire you over bad performance or attendance. My ex went through about 15 jobs in 10 years and kept on being "laid off", having her "position eliminated" etc etc. basically every excuse except for her bipolar condition.

* I would have to check but now that I think about it I recall it being something to the effect that if you're actually actively seeing a doc or professional over this, they cannot fire you specifically for it.