A bit of help from wiser TBers

GeneralElectric · #1 04-14-2008, 06:41 PM

TB should be the last place to turn to for advise on life, and I've done it maybe once before. Yet, this is a touchy subject for those around me in real life. Yes, its the dreaded girl advise thread.

Before you tell me I'm young, I'm only 19, and that I shouldn't really be aiming for relationships, especially anything serious, I've done the meaningless one night stand bit (sometimes meaningless weeks and months, but I digress...) I find random sex emotionally draining, and while its exciting at first, it quickly gets old. At least to me. I've tried Maki's patented quantity over quality method and just ended up with a quantity of quality which still left me lonely by the end of the day.

You see I have trouble on three fronts in the girl department, not including my personal flaws. I like two chicks, and I'm messing around with a third who I don't care for.

The first girl I'll deal with is this girl I met at school whose from Germany. She's very very pretty, and most of our time in public becomes boring because all people do is hit on her. Still we have a lot of fun, she's nice, and we get along great. However she keeps telling me she loves me in her broken English. While some might find that endearing, this puts me off. I feel guilty for continuing a relationship with her because I don't feel the same way, and in fact have strong feelings for two other women. So I want to end things with her, but I a) don't want to break her heart and b) don't want to end all contact with her and would like to continue a friendship. Also the people I've told about her in real life think I'm only doing this because she's pretty, so the majority of my friends (including girl 2) don't know she exists.

The second girl is one of my best friends. Our dads have been best friends for about 25 years yet we only met about 2 years ago or so. My sister is friends with their whole family and I'm friends with her 4 brothers, and her parents like me and mine like her. (She's one of the few people I associate with that my parents like.) I think she's one of the prettiest girls I've ever met, hands down. She isn't book smart, but she's got more than enough common sense and practical knowledge for the two of us. She also doesn't try to be who she is not, which is a big plus for me, and nor is she full of herself. Another big plus is that she isn't slutty, unlike most of the girls I know. (She's still a virgin at 19 if that means anything, and its not like people don't want to do her) I've liked her for most of the time I've known her, and people tell me she likes me. Our friends always ask us why we don't go out, and indeed, a good number of them think we're secretly seeing each other.
However I told her I liked her when I was drunk around New Years (online of all places) and she just said no and signed off. This was in the morning. Later that night I was with my friend Larisa and I was walking her to the bus stop to go home and she calls me and asks me where I am. "I'm walking Larisa to the bus stop so she can go home." She goes "No, I mean, where are you." I tell her what street corner I was on and she comes peeling down the avenue 5 minutes later. She lives 20 minutes away. The plan was to drive Larisa home and then go get coffee and talk. After we drive her home, she says she isn't feeling well and is going to take me home. We drive in silence for half an hour, which is weird because she never shuts up. Afterwards we didn't talk for a week or so.

My sister, who is one of her best friends, told me that it seemed to her that she wanted to talk but didn't know how since she's not used to talking about feelings and stuff. Fast forward to now and I'm still in the same predicament about her, and she complains when she sees me with other girls, even if I'm not interested in them.

Lastly, girl 3. I've known her since I was 4 years old and we've been best friends till she moved away in 6th grade. We remet in my sophmore year of high school, dated for a bit, but drug problems drove us apart. (Both of our faults) She was the first girl I had sex with, and the first (one of two) girls I said I loved. I still feel strongly about her, even after all this time. We didn't talk much for the two years after our break up, and when we did I just trashed talked her. Recently things were patched up, but we ended up fighting a lot. I was unhappy about the way I was treating her, and unhappy with her spitefulness. So I told her I didn't want to see her anymore, because of which. I had meant for it to be a temporary thing while I got my head ordered up. However she started arguing with me and I told her to f- herself and that I was completely done. But I was rash, and I've been calling her and we saw eachother today. She told me she couldn't deal with this in and out business that I was putting her through and this was it and I feel horrible. I still love her, or at least care for her very deeply. I want to patch things up, but I don't know how.

Help me TB, I'm feeling very lost and overwhelmed.

dancehallclasher · #2 04-14-2008, 06:48 PM

I feel very strongly about this issue and I feel that you should

KeithBMI · #3 04-14-2008, 06:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dancehallclasher

I feel very strongly about this issue and I feel that you should

Pro or con?

HollowBassman · #4 04-14-2008, 06:53 PM

It seems you have three completely different potential relationships to pick from. You just have to decide what kind of relationship you want.

JNowiski · #5 04-14-2008, 06:57 PM

just ask the second girl out, bah.

theshadow2001 · #6 04-14-2008, 06:59 PM

Force the conversation with the second girl that she's reluctant to have.

Either that or try and get a threesome with the girl 1 and 2.

disenchant · #7 04-14-2008, 07:20 PM

I'd say none of the girls are your girl. Good relationships are made up of:

1. MUTUAL ATTRACTION. That means she likes you AND you like her. I've been around enough to see way too many one-sided relationships. Relationships are hard enough without having to deal with trying to get the person to like you. Or going with someone you don't like just because they like you. You have enough barriers, if she doesn't like you then move on. And if you don't really feel it for her...move on.

2. SIMILAR GOALS. If where you are going in life and what you are doing don't match up, it isn't going to work. If you want to be a rock star and tour and she wants to be a stay-at-home mom, then it isn't going to work. If you love Arizona and she loves Italy, isn't going to work. This is why relationships break up after many years. One person gives up what they want just to be with the other person. Relationships aren't about sacrificing your dreams, they're about both of you helping each other to achieve your dreams.

3. WILLINGNESS TO MAKE THE RELATIONSHIP WORK. You both have to be willing to work a bit. You're going to have to put the relationship first. If the dedication isn't there, because maybe you're young and don't want a commitment, or maybe one is in school or whatever, it won't work. You both have to be willing to make it work.

4. ACCEPTING WHO THE PERSON IS RIGHT NOW. It's no good going into a relationship hoping something about the person is going to change if you "help them." Chances are, they won't change. Not that people never change, but YOU trying to change them will lead to disappointment. Love them for who they are now, flaws and all. And be OK with it if they never change.

5. SIMILAR VALUES. You both should have the same core values.

It doesn't sound like any of those girls fit what you're looking for. The right relationship doesn't have any questions. You won't question if you're with the right person. You just know.

Keep looking.

JNowiski · #8 04-14-2008, 07:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by disenchant

I'd say none of the girls are your girl. Good relationships are made up of:

1. MUTUAL ATTRACTION. That means she likes you AND you like her. I've been around enough to see way too many one-sided relationships. Relationships are hard enough without having to deal with trying to get the person to like you. Or going with someone you don't like just because they like you. You have enough barriers, if she doesn't like you then move on. And if you don't really feel it for her...move on.

2. SIMILAR GOALS. If where you are going in life and what you are doing don't match up, it isn't going to work. If you want to be a rock star and tour and she wants to be a stay-at-home mom, then it isn't going to work. If you love Arizona and she loves Italy, isn't going to work. This is why relationships break up after many years. One person gives up what they want just to be with the other person. Relationships aren't about sacrificing your dreams, they're about both of you helping each other to achieve your dreams.

3. WILLINGNESS TO MAKE THE RELATIONSHIP WORK. You both have to be willing to work a bit. You're going to have to put the relationship first. If the dedication isn't there, because maybe you're young and don't want a commitment, or maybe one is in school or whatever, it won't work. You both have to be willing to make it work.

4. ACCEPTING WHO THE PERSON IS RIGHT NOW. It's no good going into a relationship hoping something about the person is going to change if you "help them." Chances are, they won't change. Not that people never change, but YOU trying to change them will lead to disappointment. Love them for who they are now, flaws and all. And be OK with it if they never change.

5. SIMILAR VALUES. You both should have the same core values.

It doesn't sound like any of those girls fit what you're looking for. The right relationship doesn't have any questions. You won't question if you're with the right person. You just know.

Keep looking.

i'm gonna go ahead and put a big circle and cross over this with huge font that reads "ALCOHOL"

...

GeneralElectric · #9 04-14-2008, 07:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by disenchant

I'd say none of the girls are your girl. Good relationships are made up of:

1. MUTUAL ATTRACTION. That means she likes you AND you like her. I've been around enough to see way too many one-sided relationships. Relationships are hard enough without having to deal with trying to get the person to like you. Or going with someone you don't like just because they like you. You have enough barriers, if she doesn't like you then move on. And if you don't really feel it for her...move on.

2. SIMILAR GOALS. If where you are going in life and what you are doing don't match up, it isn't going to work. If you want to be a rock star and tour and she wants to be a stay-at-home mom, then it isn't going to work. If you love Arizona and she loves Italy, isn't going to work. This is why relationships break up after many years. One person gives up what they want just to be with the other person. Relationships aren't about sacrificing your dreams, they're about both of you helping each other to achieve your dreams.

3. WILLINGNESS TO MAKE THE RELATIONSHIP WORK. You both have to be willing to work a bit. You're going to have to put the relationship first. If the dedication isn't there, because maybe you're young and don't want a commitment, or maybe one is in school or whatever, it won't work. You both have to be willing to make it work.

4. ACCEPTING WHO THE PERSON IS RIGHT NOW. It's no good going into a relationship hoping something about the person is going to change if you "help them." Chances are, they won't change. Not that people never change, but YOU trying to change them will lead to disappointment. Love them for who they are now, flaws and all. And be OK with it if they never change.

5. SIMILAR VALUES. You both should have the same core values.

It doesn't sound like any of those girls fit what you're looking for. The right relationship doesn't have any questions. You won't question if you're with the right person. You just know.

Keep looking.

Well girl number 2 we share 1, 2, 4, and 5. We don't have a romantic relationship, and people keep telling me she wants one with me (and I want with her) but no one wants to break the ice and be responsible if it ends up going down the toilet. As for the thing in January... *shrugs*

She keeps setting up romantic situations for us, but I'm too stupid to act...

disenchant · #10 04-14-2008, 07:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GeneralElectric

Well girl number 2 we share 1, 2, 4, and 5. We don't have a romantic relationship, and people keep telling me she wants one with me (and I want with her) but no one wants to break the ice and be responsible if it ends up going down the toilet. As for the thing in January... *shrugs*

She keeps setting up romantic situations for us, but I'm too stupid to act...

Well, reach around to your butt and give your head a good yank...

GeneralElectric · #11 04-14-2008, 07:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by disenchant

Well, reach around to your butt and give your head a good yank...

Thats the problem, I don't know how to act, because she isn't slutty. Sounds kind of weird huh?

JNowiski · #12 04-14-2008, 07:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GeneralElectric

Thats the problem, I don't know how to act, because she isn't slutty. Sounds kind of weird huh?

just be a decent guy...and don't listen to dis.

theshadow2001 · #13 04-14-2008, 07:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GeneralElectric

Thats the problem, I don't know how to act, because she isn't slutty.

That's nothing a half bottle of Jack Daniels wouldn't solve.

JNowiski · #14 04-14-2008, 08:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by theshadow2001

That's nothing a half bottle of Jack Daniels wouldn't solve.

exactly my friend!

GeneralElectric · #15 04-14-2008, 08:56 PM

I'd like to think she's classier.

So it should be

"Thats nothing a whole bottle of Jameson won't solve."

JNowiski · #16 04-14-2008, 08:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GeneralElectric

I'd like to think she's classier.

So it should be

"Thats nothing a whole bottle of Jameson won't solve."

lol, no. pour some Skol vodka into a grew goose bottle. that way you can save a alot of money and she'll still think you're classy and willing to spend money! The perfect plan!

GeneralElectric · #17 04-14-2008, 08:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JNowiski

lol, no. pour some Skol vodka into a grew goose bottle. that way you can save a alot of money and she'll still think you're classy and willing to spend money! The perfect plan!

She only drinks whiskey and beer, my kind of woman.

JonathanD · #18 04-14-2008, 09:11 PM

If you prolong a relationship you are not interested with a girl that"loves" you you are only hurting her more and making yourself into a jerk. End it, end it now. Really, NOW.

I say #2. You will fail in life. You can never succeed unless you try. You will lead a life of mediocrity and die average. You will get your heart broken, and you will suffer....to an equal amount you will feel love and enjoy life.

I feel for you man, just do it.

Not being slutty does not mean doesn't like a wild ride! Be honest, try things.
Be sensitive to her reactions. You will know if she doesn't like something if you watch her and can manage to think about her instead of your prick. A good lover/mate/partner will communicate and reciprocate...giving a little yet holding their ground and giving feedback.

IMO you can't go into a relationship trying to please someone. Its a false pretense and leads to a break up in month 6 when you can;t keep the lie up anymore. Being upfront (maybe not vocally) with your feelings is the only way the wife and I get along....even if it means yelling, and throwing things....cause then its time for After Angry..MMMMMHHHHHHHHHHHMMMMM

GeneralElectric · #19 04-14-2008, 09:14 PM

Any advise on how to end things with the german chick while minimizing any heartbreak? I don't do the relationship thing very well. Neither does my underpants navy.

theshadow2001 · #20 04-14-2008, 09:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GeneralElectric

Any advise on how to end things with the german chick while minimizing any heartbreak? I don't do the relationship thing very well. Neither does my underpants navy.

Just tell her you want to break up and deal with the consequences. Man up god damn it!