Can you change someone? Would you?

[WyrmDL]

Hey TB,

I've got a friend younger than me in his teenage angst days.

He cares a whole lot about how people view him. At home or with really good friends, he's an alright person for the most part. Out in public, he puts on the tough guy act. I tutor him, and I kind of mentor him as well.

He bends and hides the truth all too many times, especially to his mom, me, and his other friends. He's too caught up in games and fun, never does his homework, and almost relies on me to help him with it now. He's got the temper and blame problem. All the hard work his mom goes through for him just seems like its in vain. He doesn't think he's got a problem at all; he thinks he's a fabulous person.

I'm not only addressing his personal issue, but as a person, what should I be doing, with intention of helping him see a bigger picture? Leave him to learn the hard way down the road? Throw down advice here and there?

The previous advice I've given him has pretty much just went in one ear and out the other unprocessed.

Anywho, just something on my mind. Maybe I'm in my own teenage angst right now.

[scorpionldr]

I think maybe he's subliminally trying to say he'd rather try to learn it himself and screw around than have someone always showing him how to do things.

[Bongolation]

Originally Posted by WyrmDL

The previous advice I've given him has pretty much just went in one ear and out the other unprocessed.

Anywho, just something on my mind. Maybe I'm in my own teenage angst right now.

Sadly, most people don't want to be helped and hate advice and education until it's too late.

This goes for nominal grownups, too. People on forums resist new information that's purely objective and technical, like why a piece of gear isn't "awesome." Imagine how they'd feel about advice on their clearly moronic life choices.

I really, really, really want to help people and save them some expensive education-the-hard-way, y'know, and not make the same mistakes that I or someone else did, but they just aren't having it.

When I was young, I was desperate for advice and information about EVERYTHING. I asked people whether they were my friends or grownups or total strangers -- and they were so intimidated they would usually just choke, but if I ran across someone who seemed to know what he was talking about, I stored away everything he said, even if it made no sense to me then, because I felt that someday it would become clear to me.

I was the polar opposite of your friend.

The only advice I have with people like this is to make it clear that whatever they want to do is up to them, but that you won't tolerate sketchy behavior from them toward you. Sometimes that is enough to get them to get started being better people in general.

Or not.

[tom once dead]

Last year I met tiny tom; who was similar to the person in your OP. Always naughty in school, mixed with the wrong crowds. Bassically heading down a very bad path.

I started talking to him and letting him hang out with me and my friends (In the senior only area at school). Because I was in a band, had long hair and wore Doc martins he thought I was cool (he was just starting to listen to metal). After a little bit I found out some of the bad things he'd done and how he was always getting into trouble. One time he tried to steal an energy drink when he was with me and the band at a shop and we all made him pay for the empty can that he tried to hide on a shelf. Through me being a good role model, and him spending quite a bit of time in the "naughty corner" he started to do well in school, stop hanging around druggo kids and all the rest.

Now I consider tiny tom to be one of my best friends, even though hes quite a bit younger and a foot shorter. The other day he was telling me about how he's getting straight A's in music and B's in maths, and complaining because other kids were being loud and disrupting the class and the teacher couldn't teach properly. I've also got my own mini-me

[knumbskull]

adults, you can rarely if ever change.

but, from what you've said of this kid, sounds like he would benefit very much from a friend/role model/whatever helping him understand that deceitful and lazy behaviour isn't going to do him any favours long term.

...

*goes back to pretending to do some work*

[Stanley Design]

People are always changing, but you can't mold someone into the person you want them to be.

[jady]

Can you change someone?

Did they "mess" themselves?

Would you?

I have 3 kids I will and have.......