Coworker getting scammed: try and help or let it happen?

[Papazita]

There's this older gentleman under me in my department at work who is constantly falling for online dating scams. He's fairly new to the online world; he got his first computer and internet about 2 years ago, and his first smartphone this year; and is pretty naive about a lot of what goes on on the intarwebz.

Last year, he "met" a younger woman on an online dating site. This woman lived in Arkansas, we're in Ohio. They conversed online & via text messaging and phone calls for a few months before she started asking for "help with bills." I tried to warn him that he was being scammed, but he was insistent that he was not, and gladly sent this woman whatever she needed.
A few more months went by and he took a week's vacation to go visit her. When he came back, he admitted that I was right, she was scamming him. Instead of the nice, attractive, late 30-something schoolteacher she claimed to be, she was a washed-up, Keith Richards haggard looking, 45 year old unemployed ex-stripper with an unemployed husband.


Now he's met someone else from another dating site. This one is in Florida, 28, and a former model. He "knows" this one is real because, not only do they text and talk on the phone, this one also sends him pictures! He's shown me the pictures. Most of them are (clothed or semi-clothed) shots of porn star Aria Giovanni. We all keep telling him they're fake; he says the reason they look so professional is because she was a former JC Penney model. Sorry, but I don't recall JC Penney using nude models taking bubble baths to sell anything, if they did, I would would still shop there!

The other reason he knows this one isn't a scam is that she hasn't asked him for money (yet).

He's made vacation plans several times to meet this woman in person. The first trip was cancelled after she coincidentally got a last-minute modeling job in Japan and had to leave the country that week.
The second trip was cancelled after her 17 year old son (this woman is supposed to be 28, and she has a kid that old??? ) got in a car accident and was in a coma. He wanted to fly down anyway, to be with her in support. No, too late, he shouldn't come; her son just died. Ok, he wanted to come down and go to the funeral. No, too late, she had him cremated and scattered his ashes in the ocean.
The third trip, a month after her "son's" "death," was cancelled after she suddenly came down with brain cancer. Of course, he still wanted to go and be with her; they are in love, after all. No, he shouldn't come down, the cancer is inoperable and she's on her deathbed. He still wanted to see her. No, he can't come down, her "mother" told him via text message that she just died.
He cancelled his vacation. A week later, oh look, she made a miraculous recovery from death and is cancer-free and madly in love with him. But now she has all these medical bills, is there anything he can do to help?

My coworker has still not met this "woman" in person, but insists that she's real. He's madly in love with her and proposed to her over the phone. She said yes, of course.
To help with her medical bills, he has even tried to take up a collection for her at work. Of course, no one gave him a dime, which pi***d him off.
We've all tried to tell him he's getting played with and scammed. He refuses to listen. After the last time we told him, he got so angry with us that he complained to our district manager. If getting scammed by these online fakes is what makes him happy, says our district manager, then who are we to try and stop it? We're no longer allowed to say anything negative or disapproving to him about his online activity.

So...what am I supposed to do here? I completely disagree with the district manager's stance; this coworker is getting scammed out of who knows how much money, I can't just stand back and watch it happen, can I?

[MatticusMania]

Just tell him to read your post. If its not obvious to him, then let him be... you cant help those who wont listen.

[Actium]

Help him find somebody locally. Or at least steer him towards local dating organizations. (not craigslist)

[slaps76]

What's his email? I'd like to make some easy $$...

[bongomania]

I think he's made it clear that he's committed to this fantasy, and it's worth any price to him to keep the fantasy alive. It may be the only thing making life worth living for him! So I would, after all the efforts you have made, let it go and let him spend all his money keeping the dream alive.

However I absolutely would not put one dime in any hat he passes around for whatever cause. I would look him in the eye and say "I have my own fantasies to pay for".

[Randall]

Sad storey there. Wait till the 409 scammers get into him for major dollars

[Ayce]

If I was on the other side of the coin, so to speak, I would feel offended by the lack of support, however, as I have seen this kind of thing happen, I would avoid contact, as the person seems to be ready to be landed by the scam. If approached for monetary help, I would nicely decline, if possible, and try to get the person aside and explain how these scams work, and why I won't "help" him be scammed. If the person continues to pester me, then I would take it up with the DM, and explain to him/her why I won't support it.
IF the DM tells me I can't disagree with the situation, go higher. Almost sounds like the DM is in on the scam.

[MakiSupaStar]

*creates an online dating profile*

What's this dudes name?

[MatticusMania]

Tell your coworker that I really appreciated him making sure my electricity stays on so that I can use online dating sites to pay for my drug money I collect from other online "boyfriends".

[DRafalske]

Scam him yourself.
Make a phony profile (or whatever). Download some softcore pics to send him. Lead him on as long as possible - until he wants to meet.
Go through with the meeting, and show up as yourself. Confess to scamming him. It's either gonna piss him off or open his eyes to the fact that he could be talking to ANYONE on the internet.

Worked for a cousin of mine. We still laugh about it, and he has thankfully toned down is picking up of internet "babes".

D

[bassistjoe93]

Wow. I don't think you should just sit back and watch it happen, just sit down with him and logically tell him how its a scam....... OR....... Pretend like the same scenario is happening to you (insert different names, locations, etc.) and let him hear how ridiculous it all sounds. If he still doesn't see it then wash your hands of it!

[carl h.]

Google Aria Giovanni for him.

[MJ5150]

This sounds made up.

-Mike

[hover]

add Ryan Reynolds, Jeff Goldblum and any young starlet from the Disney Channel, and you got the makings of a lovely rom-com hit.

someone come up with a title and greenlight it.

[bongomania]

Originally Posted by carl h.

Google Aria Giovanni for him.

Yes, with the "safe search" switched off.

[MatticusMania]

Originally Posted by bassistjoe93

Wow. I don't think you should just sit back and watch it happen, just sit down with him and logically tell him how its a scam....... OR....... Pretend like the same scenario is happening to you (insert different names, locations, etc.) and let him hear how ridiculous it all sounds. If he still doesn't see it then wash your hands of it!

Sounds to me like the OP has already tried this, at which point its probably best to just give up.

[Jim Nazium]

I think you've done the right thing already by being honest with him. I would let it go at this point. Sometimes people just have to make their own mistakes, and there's nothing you can do to prevent it, much as you might want to. Plus, if your manager has said to leave it be, I would definitely leave it be.

[Waffles and Scotch]

Originally Posted by MJ5150

This sounds made up.

-Mike

Yep

[MatticusMania]

Stranger things have happened. This seems entirely plausible to me.

[kserg]

As sad as it seems, if you get involved besides a simple advise or two, you will get hurt.

I would have done what you did, then i would stop. If you save him from this scam, he will just fall into another trap. What are you going to do? Help him get out of that too? You are not his babysitter, and after a while, if he gets really hurt by one of the scams, you'd be blamed.

Online dating is dumb, IMO.

Best regards,
Candy
23/f/CA
5.7/120/36DD