Dads and Daughters out there...

[Tituscrow]

Ok, been wrestling with this for a while now and curious to see other folks views.

Do you find you handle certain social situations in ways that mothers and sons handle differently? I'll tell you what I mean. At a recent outdoor event, my 6 year old needed the loo. Badly. Wife wasn't around and I obviously took her to the men's toilets. However, I garnered a few looks I can tell you. A grown man in a toilet with a six year old girl? Outrage.

When out shopping etc if her mum isn't around, she always comes into the toilets with me. Yet she is more than capable of sorting herself out, so what age should I be letting her go on her own to the ladies?

Swimming changing rooms is another. I won't let her go on her own to the ladies so she gets changed in the men's with me there. But I catch myself looking around to make sure no one is giving her a creepy look or whatever. Is this because of the incessant media panic stories about child abductions and the like? Are things any more dangerous than they used to be, it is there just more media coverage than there was, say 30 years ago?

Interestingly, a female friend takes her 6 year old boy with her into toilets and changing rooms, and that seems far more socially acceptable.

I guess what I'm asking is, is there a real difference in attitudes towards dads&daughters and mothers&sons? Yes, no, dont know or dont care?

[jmattbassplaya]

I got weird looks taking my nephew into restrooms and dressing rooms with me when he was a little kid. Apparently being a male and having a kid with you instantly makes you a pedophile.

[Tituscrow]

Originally Posted by jmattbassplaya

I got weird looks taking my nephew into restrooms and dressing rooms with me when he was a little kid. Apparently being a male and having a kid with you instantly makes you a pedophile.

Exactly. Was it always this way? Are women less suspicious?

[Clark Dark]

there's a neighbors daughter who likes playing with my son. sometimes she will come out with a bathing suit on and ring our doorbell. I spoke to her mom about it because there's so much sensationalism in our country over anything that can remotely be perceived as an unnatural act. and I left the girl ringing our doorbell for over 20 minutes without answering it. To answer the OP's question I would ask store personell to guard the ladies room door while I took my daughter to the ladies room. They usually have seat covers in there.

[MatticusMania]

Society believes men to be evil.

Case in point: Last year on my wife's birthday she got all kinds of drunk and managed to bruise herself up pretty badly, not to mention chip a tooth. I was honestly afraid to go out in public with her. You should have seen the mad dogging vicious stares I'd get from people. Yeah, like this chick would stay with me if I beat her like that...

[LiquidMidnight]

I'm male. I remember my mother taking me into the women's bathroom when I was really young. I do remember being at a McDonald's one time and some teenaged girls whispering to each other, "There's a boy in the girls bathroom." So far, I haven't had to seek psychiatric help for the experiences of my mom taking me into the ladies' room when I was five.

I really can't comment if the dads with their daughters pairing has brought an increase in scorn. I will say, however, that shows like To Catch a Predator feed on people's tendency towards the availability heuristic. Obviously, molestation does happen, as any child social worker can attest, but the media likes to scare Middle America into thinking that there's a pervy guy behind every bush, ready to take our daughters' virtue.

[EricF]

With my 6-year-old daughter, since she no longer needs my assitance with anything and had good habits about wiping and washing, I will allow her to go into a restroom by herself. If I don't have a clear view of the door from where I'm sitting (in a restaurant, for example), I will stand near the door until she comes out. If it's appropriate for me to do so, I will usualy poke my head inside and do a quick scan of the room.

EDIT: If my 13-year-old daughter is with us, I almost always send her as a bathroom chaperone.

[Relic]

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB1000...wsreel_opinion

[Tituscrow]

^thats a great read. Thanks.

[Funky Ghost]

Originally Posted by EricF

With my 6-year-old daughter, since she no longer needs my assistance with anything and had good habits about wiping and washing, I will allow her to go into a restroom by herself. If I don't have a clear view of the door from where I'm sitting (in a restaurant, for example), I will stand near the door until she comes out. If it's appropriate for me to do so, I will usually poke my head inside and do a quick scan of the room.

EDIT: If my 13-year-old daughter is with us, I almost always send her as a bathroom chaperon.

^ This

[Relic]

Originally Posted by Tituscrow

^thats a great read. Thanks.

No problem. It just states how I feel about it better than I ever could.

[McHaven]

Relic, good read. I worked as a camp counselor a couple summers ago and a park ranger this summer. At the camp, I distanced myself pretty far from campers for fear of accusations. I also don't do near as much water safety in the parks because I don't want to be seen approaching swimming children alone.

[Dr. Cheese]

My youngest daughter is five, and I walk her to the lady's room and I just wait. I will send oldest daughter (9) along with the youngest when I have both of them. I never get dirty looks. I think I benefit positively from stereotypes because people are happy to see a black man with his children.

[Relic]

Originally Posted by McHaven

Relic, good read. I worked as a camp counselor a couple summers ago and a park ranger this summer. At the camp, I distanced myself pretty far from campers for fear of accusations. I also don't do near as much water safety in the parks because I don't want to be seen approaching swimming children alone.

I hear you. I have three sons and as a result we get a whole lot of kids over at times. They're always bugging me to join in a tackle football game or swimming but it's always in the back of my head as a male, you really have to be careful and distance yourself. So then football becomes no tackles, just tap the guy on the shoulder, swimming becomes "dive competitions" or "swimming races" and no wrestling, dunking etc. It's really sickening that you even have to think that way, but in this day and age it's like every damn male is viewed as a potential psychopath.
It must be even more difficult with daughters!

[Relic]

Originally Posted by Dr. Cheese

My youngest daughter is five, and I walk her to the lady's room and I just wait. I will send oldest daughter (9) along with the youngest when I have both of them. I never get dirty looks. I think I benefit positively from stereotypes because people are happy to see a black man with his children.

Could be that, or maybe even the "white male as pedophile" stereotype at play? Who knows..

[macaroni tony]

Very awkward situation...I've been in similar situations more times than I care to recall

[JimB52]

I think the only way for people to lose these types of prejudices is for us to act honorably and replace the current public image of the male pervert with the old-time gentleman.

Ever since I had kids, I have never hesitated to help any child in imminent danger or just in need of assistance in a public place. I have never been accused of weirdness or given the stank-eye by witnesses, perhaps because I act without hesitation or glancing around to see if anyone is watching. Even if my motives are someday called into question, I would consider it a small price for aiding these children in distress.

[tastybasslines]

I felt the most awkward when I needed to change my daughter one time (wife not around), and there was no changing equipment in the men's bathroom but there is in the women's. I would rather be in the women's though, than have men walking by and glancing at her naked on the sink area. The women who were coming in an out were asking me if I needed help, which was nice.

[MatticusMania]

Originally Posted by Relic

Could be that, or maybe even the "white male as pedophile" stereotype at play? Who knows..

Originally Posted by macaroni tony

Very awkward situation...I've been in similar situations more times than I care to recall

Welp, there goes Relic's theory...

[::::BASSIST::::]

I have a six year old boy. I think that by that age children can go to the bathroom by themselves in a public washroom. In a change room I would tell them to change in the cubicle. I would definitely stand outside the doors though and keep my ears and attention on things happening inside.