Dating sites? fess up

[A-Step-Towards]

I am in a relationship with a girl and i met her through band related stuff, I have never joined a dating site but i have been around alot of people who met someone on those sites , a realtive , co worker and now a best friend.

Is this something normal? i guess i sound out of date but I am young , barely legal to drink but that was never a option i choose when i was single.

Are people just becoming more anti social?

[bongomania]

So meeting people and forming relationships with them is antisocial?

[i_got_a_mohawk]

I'm not really into the club scene, don't drink, I work a metric ****-ton of often irregular hours (in a Physics department, see - Sausage Factory). I also have many commitments outside of work.

Thankfully, I have a lovely lady friend.

However, if I was single, I'd certainly be considering trying dating websites!

[slaps76]

I have a girlfriend, but when I was single, I was on dating sites. And I'm very outgoing, I'd approach girls in bars almost every time I went out. Being online gave me an opportunity to see which girls would "approach" me, and just give another area to meet people. It worked.

[Waffles and Scotch]

My ex is bi-polar/manic depressive and lived with me for 5 years. I was a mess when we broke up a couple years ago and didn't want to (A) go to a bar/club all depressed or (B) get involved with any of the women that were interested and worked with me or new me outside the office. So I joined a "hookup" site. Weeded through a bunch of really crazy women, met a great one, got laid a few times, then commenced with working on myself and getting rid of the codependency. Worked like a charm. Also gave me a bunch of malware on my PC.


That said, once I got over her I swore I'd never do it again. Then again my current GF works with me, and I said I'd never do that again either...

[Actium]

I didn't have a problem with it when I was single. And I still have two profiles but I haven't looked at them in a while. All it does is increase your chances of finding somebody outside your social circle and places you frequent. You also have the benefit of being able to easily avoid people you know aren't compatible just by reading their profile. There's so many profiles where you see the picture and go "eyyyy not bad..." then you read it and go Or they write you using 1st grade grammar and you wonder if they have any perks other than having female body parts and looking good.

If you are in your 20s (maybe 30s too I wouldn't know) it's an excellent source for fwb too. As long as you are intelligent about it.

I've never used a pay site though so it's possible a reputable subscription site would have more serious profiles. But I would never ever in a billion years give my payment info to such a site no matter how reputable.

[gttim]

I have used dating sites on and off for 10 years since divorcing my ex. There used to be a stigma meeting people like that, but I do not think there is much of one now. I look at it as a way to meet women I would have never met otherwise. I have dated some very good women. I have also been out with a few crazies. The experience has been positive. I am currently involved with a gorgeous woman with a phd who is smart, funny, concerned abut the world and loves good rock and roll. Our first real date was a Rush concert! She has been a delight to me and hopefully will be in my life for a long time. We are very truthful about how we met.

Before her I dated a beautiful medical doctor, who I really like but our lives were not going to mesh. I have met and dated some very interesting women.

A few things I figured out along the way....

-Smaller sites have worked better for me. OKCupid, which sadly was recently bought by a larger company, is where I met my GF. But all can work.

-Filter. Filter. Filter. Yeah, the pictures are nice, but if she likes Palin, hunting, NASCAR and country music, she probably is not for me. I filter to find women with similar interests (and yours may be very different from mine). If she has a hankering to see all the latest rap concerts, I am not going to email her no matter how hot she is.

-Make sure there is more than one picture! Make sure the pics are current. Look for clues! If she seems to be hiding some part, or most of, her body, there will be a reason. Looks are not everything, but misrepresenting yourself is. This goes both ways. If you are 50 pounds heavier and 10 years older than your pictures, do not expect a happy ending when you finally meet.

-Most guys lie about their height and age. I list mine truthfully and point out that I am being truthful. I am 5' 9" but most guys who say they are 5' 9" are 5' 6". I say that I am actually 5' 9" and not the internet 5' 9" which is about 5' 6". Women found that hilarious! Most women lie about their age and weight. See above about pictures!

-Meet quickly! Do not waste a bunch of time on emails. Meet and see if there is something there, and that they are who they say they are. The first meeting should be a coffee shop or a place for a quick drink. No more than 30 minutes. You just want to see if this is somebody you would like to see again. Do not do an expensive dinner date first!

-If she mentions she likes fine dining, avoid.

-If you do not put a few pictures up, women will assume you are married. Put a few up. At least one without sun glasses. If a woman does not have a picture up... high risk, possible reward. In general I will nt answer, but if they really seem like a match I will risk it, but ask to see one.

I could go on, but won't. I do know many people who have met SOs this way. The guy who got my GF to put up a profile met his GF on the same website. They are both cool people and fun to be with. I say give it a shot if you are so inclined. And seriously, is meeting on a website any more stigmatized than meeting at a bar. (Although I do have a buddy who brags that he met his wife and mother of his children at the sleaziest bar in the US!)

[hrodbert696]

I know one successful marriage that came out of a dating site. I got married when the internet was brand new so it was never an option I considered for myself. I always thought it was a little strange, but the one relationship made it make sense to me; the guy was a conservative Christian with two Ph.D.s (in Physics and Philosophy) living in a relatively rural area. Needless to say, he had a hard time finding a date who 1) shared his faith, 2) could keep up with his interests in a conversation, and 3) was actually attractive, and attractED, to him. So the dating sites were his best option, and it worked out really well. The woman he ended up marrying lived halfway across the country, he never would have met her by conventional means.

[dogofgod]

I have found that a good portion of the women on the free dating sites tend to not be the most "socially adjusted", as the women you would like to meet in the real world.

Tip: you pay for what you get lol, good luck

[rr5025]

Due to this thread there are now dating site ads and they're all telling me I'm into guys

[curbowkid]

There's a dating site just for black people. I will let you all come to your own conclusions from that

[bassistjoe93]

Originally Posted by curbowkid

There's a dating site just for black people. I will let you all come to your own conclusions from that

Sounds like 90% of my spam folder...

[curbowkid]

Originally Posted by bassistjoe93

Sounds like 90% of my spam folder...

That and Christian singles

[LiquidMidnight]

During my single times, I've had profiles on dating sites. True story: I actually met a (distant!) cousin that I never knew I had on a dating site. I liked OKCupid the best.

I never had a long term relationship come from Internet dating. I met a couple of interesting girls but nothing solid. For the most part, I always found Internet dating awkward.

IME, the power in Internet dating is stacked in the favor of women (assuming we're talking about heterosexual dating - not sure what LGBT Internet dating is like). Any girl on a site who's at the least bit attractive gets inundated with messages from guys. Most of them are typical no-game stuff like, "Hey baby. You look good." But the bottom line is that if you want to get a good reaction, you have to stand out in a good way.

IME, Internet dating works a lot better for older guys. My father used to get a ton of messages when he was on sites after my mother died and he was getting back into dating. Younger women have a lot more options and opportunities in the real world; IME, many of the quality younger women aren't going to spend a whole amount of time with Internet dating, unless they're just looking to boost their egos.

Of course, all of this is IME...because I haven't said that in this post at all.

[jrthebassguy]

Originally Posted by LiquidMidnight

During my single times, I've had profiles on dating sites. True story: I actually met a (distant!) cousin that I never knew I had on a dating site. I liked OKCupid the best.

I never had a long term relationship come from Internet dating. I met a couple of interesting girls but nothing solid. For the most part, I always found Internet dating awkward.

IME, the power in Internet dating is stacked in the favor of women (assuming we're talking about heterosexual dating - not sure what LGBT Internet dating is like). Any girl on a site who's at the least bit attractive gets inundated with messages from guys. Most of them are typical no-game stuff like, "Hey baby. You look good." But the bottom line is that if you want to get a good reaction, you have to stand out in a good way.

IME, Internet dating works a lot better for older guys. My father used to get a ton of messages when he was on sites after my mother died and he was getting back into dating. Younger women have a lot more options and opportunities in the real world; IME, many of the quality younger women aren't going to spend a whole amount of time with Internet dating, unless they're just looking to boost their egos.

Of course, all of this is IME...because I haven't said that in this post at all.

My experiences were similar. Met some cute girls (through OkCupid, actually) but they all never panned out. Got hit on by an alarming number of fat chicks though.


About your disproportionate "power" in online dating: An attractive female friend of mine joined the site around the same time I did. Just as a comparison - I was lucky if I got a few messages sent my way a week. She said she got about a dozen daily. Her tip: If you didn't grab her attention immediately with your message she would just delete it an move on.


Eventually I met my current girlfriend IRL, but if something ever happened to us I could certainly see myself using it again.

[electracoyote]

Online dating sites are perhaps one of the most common ways to meet people these days.

My significant other and I met that way and have been living together ever since, for the past eight years.

I thought young'uns knew all about social networking in the computer age?

[Jazz Ad]

Dating agencies have existed for millenia. There were some already in ancient Egypt and Carthagena.
They use whatever tool is available, these days Internet seems the most convenient.
It is a useful helper for people who don't have a lot of social interactions, by choice or out of shiness.

[P. Aaron]

Long before the Internet, I posted personal ads in those regional magazines. After a few dates with nice folks, I realized that being 'fixed up' by friends or through these ads was not helpful to me.

I met my wife while bicycling. Stopped at a 7-11 for a Coca-Cola. She was biking too.

Been married almost 20 years now.

The relationships I create through my own efforts seem to be the ones I want to preserve.

[A-Step-Towards]

Originally Posted by bongomania

So meeting people and forming relationships with them is antisocial?

No , meeting people online verses in the real world now seems like a move towards being anti social ,

[Lee H]

I don't even have a facebook page...dating sites are not something I find the least bit appealing