Depression/Motivation

[beelzelboss]

Alright guys, reaching out for some help.

I'm a freshman in college, second quarter, biochem major. Feeling pretty depressed again.

My issue this time around is that I can't motivate myself to do work anymore. I enjoy going to lab for chem... and thats about it.

Prime example: I have an anthropology midterm tomorrow, I haven't studied yet. Also have a chem midterm tomorrow, kind of studied for that.

I'm also just feeling pretty bad over-all. I have a couple of good friends up here, but I'm just kind of lonely. I literally feel unwanted. If I let it happen, nobody here would notice that I didn't let myself out of my room for days.
I just want a significant other type thing for some reason.

The gym just opened again (brand new gym, largest on the west coast). It's beautiful and girls are awesome, but I can't motivate myself to go. Also how do you approach a girl in the gym!?

So, I need help

[colcifer]

Go to the gym regardless of the girls-exercise will help a lot.

[stratovani]

You may not like what I'm about to say, but the truth of the matter is that you're not in school to chase girls, but to get an education. That should be your primary reason for living right now. You're a freshman, and college can be a bewildering world for a young man, but girls have to take a back seat at this point in time. You need to talk to someone at the school, perhaps the chaplain can help you.

Don't forget that you also have a financial investment in your education, through your student loans. That's your money you'll be paying out in due time, so you don't want to throw it away. So you need to try to find some motivation to go forward from here. Nobody can give it to you, you have to find it in yourself.

Now get cracking on those midterms!

[jmattbassplaya]

I think that's just part of the college experience. I went through the exact thing you're going through now my sophomore year. I lived right next to the gym but would never go, I'd never go out (except to rehearse/gig with my band), my 'friends' were guys I played Counter Strike with, I NEVER socialized in class, and I genuinely felt disconnected from everyone. I was no longer myself - aka, the guy who back in high school was friends with everyone, who played competitive sports, who dated all the cute girls, and who had no problem socializing with anyone and everyone.

I finally got out of that rut by forcing myself to go out and be adventurous again. It was rough for quite a while (still is sometimes, to be perfectly honest), but I'm no longer depressed and I find myself smiling and laughing a lot more than I use to. Just being around people seems to bring my spirits up a lot. I also started working out again and that alone has boosted my self-esteem leaps and bounds. That said, I'm still not quite there, but I'm getting close

Oh, and if you figure out how to interact with women then let me know because I don't know what the heck happened between high school and college but girls' personalities have changed a lot!

[Icey101]

everything has just been said...

if you have some spare time....maybe buy an acoustic, strum and learn a fews songs to occupy your mind,dont need to hit the gym... go for a jog, ride a cycle, do some pushups, situps, eat well...this is your time in life to study and set yourself up for the rest of your life, dont blow it cause you feel lazy and unloved

[Relic]

Yeah dude that's just part of it all. While your in the midst of it, it seems so unrelenting and such but the truth is that many folks have gone through the same thing. I certainly have. My best advice - just to echo what's already been said - hit the damn gym. You'll be around people, you may meet some gals, and best of all - exercise can and will clear your mind and help with the blues. Trust me on that.

[arbitrary]

don't let your thought process keep you isolated. If that happens your depression will increase. Get your body moving man!

[carlos840]

Not sure it has been said but it is a pretty bad idea to hit on girls at the gym!

People go there to work out, not to get perved on and harassed, i dont know any girl who goes to a gym who isnt fed up of being annoyed by big sweaty men trying to pull!

[i_got_a_mohawk]

Hit the gym, regardless of knowing the ladies or not.
Join a society or two, find people who have similar interests as you.
Join a sports team.

Once you get yourself out of the rut, and start being a bit more outgoing and having fun, then the ladies will start getting more interested in you. IME, you tend to find ladies when you aren't expecting to.

Step 1:
Work on you, this means your education and socialising.

Step 2:
The ladies will come.


As others have said, this time is primarily about your education. If you feel crappy now, I can practically guarantee you'd feel 10x worse if you got kicked off the course. Now, while it is primarily about education, it is also a time to start working on the balances of life. Socialising is an important part of university life, it helps you develop your networking skills and make contacts with people who will be the future of your field. You just need to get the balance right.

[bassistjoe93]

Originally Posted by jmattbassplaya

Oh, and if you figure out how to interact with women then let me know because I don't know what the heck happened between high school and college but girls' personalities have changed a lot!

+1000 :/

But seriously, I kind of feel the same way, I'm in my second semester of my freshman year and I drive about 40 miles to school. I've had a tough time making meaningful friendships at college. I found that making time for going to the gym was a really big boost for me even if it was just for an hour a day or something. It boosted my self confidence and I was able to gradually build up some friendships with people that I saw there regularly, and it gave me something to do besides go in the library and read or study for 3 hours. Studying is good and should be done but you're not gonna help your over all situation by studying for 4 hours a day. I would suggest forcing yourself to find some on campus activities like join a fraternity, if that's your thing or intramural sports, ultimate frisbee is really fun and usually free. Great way to meet people and exercise and have a lot of fun! Anyway, good luck OP from one freshman to another.

[blastoff99]

Ok, I'll say it:

Exercise: Extremely important
Eating right: Also very important
Getting out and being with people: Also very important
Vitamin D: Probably can't hurt
Reaching out to close friends and letting them know that your head isn't in a good space: Also very important

However... if none of this works (as in, you still can't function), or if you feel suicidal or otherwise like giving up, get yourself to a doctor. Depression, left untreated, can get very dangerous.

There may be solutions involving meds, CBT, whatever. Although depression can hit people at any age, early college is "prime time." In addition, we're at the dark, cold time of winter and it's easy to just want to hibernate.

So: Do what you can, and do your best at it. If that isn't enough, seek more help.

[MJ5150]

Have you reached out for professional help? It could just be a phase or temporary funk, but it could also be clinical.

We all have our defects, but not everyone is courageous enough to put them out there on the internet for the world to read. So good on you for opening up and asking for help.

I get that going to the gym will help, but telling someone with depression to get out and be active may only serve to make them feel worse for not doing so.

-Mike

[beelzelboss]

It's a case of temporary funk I think. I've been through clinical depression before, and it was way worse and longer lasting than this.

I guess it's time I start going to the gym then.

Today though, I am feeling better. It tends to hit me a lot at night when my adderall wears off.

[MatticusMania]

Originally Posted by carlos840

Not sure it has been said but it is a pretty bad idea to hit on girls at the gym!

People go there to work out, not to get perved on and harassed, i dont know any girl who goes to a gym who isnt fed up of being annoyed by big sweaty men trying to pull!

Plenty of people, men and women, go to the gym with no other purpose than being checked out.
Ever notice a girl at the gym wearing full makeup, like if shes about to go out for the night? Theyre there because they want to be looked at.

Of course, its a small minority of the women at the gym, but theyre there.

[carlos840]

Originally Posted by MatticusMania

Plenty of people, men and women, go to the gym with no other purpose than being checked out.
Ever notice a girl at the gym wearing full makeup, like if shes about to go out for the night? Theyre there because they want to be looked at.

Of course, its a small minority of the women at the gym, but theyre there.

Im sure there are a few, but i have had a few talks with women who hate gyms because they cannot stand being looked at like a piece of meat on display!

Im pretty sure the vast majority of women go to the gym to work out not to pull some sweaty bastard!

[SoonerMatt]

Hi, biology/geneticist grad who happens to loev teh gymz here.

First, the simple answer for the "approaching ladies at the gym" question: don't. They are there to exercise and slim down, they get annoyed if anyone interrupts them. Talk to them them at bars, parties, ask to be study partners/group members, etc. instead.

Go to the gym anyway. Exercising boosts your self-esteem and will serve as a good stress reliever. Plus it'll give you more energy and (huge YMMV here) help you focus.

If it happens when your addreall wears off then you should tell your doctor and see what he thinks on a different dose, e.g. 2 smaller dosed EX caps a day instead of just one or something along those lines.

As for the studying, I hate to break it to ya but you're gonna take a LOT of gen ed college classes you aren't going to care about (do you think I really wanted to take a History of Latin American Tribes class?). You're just going to have to take a deep breath, tell yourself it's something you gotta do, and power through it. It's hard to self-motivate when it's a subject you don't like, but it's something you gotta do. Try meeting with other people in the class and/or hopping on board with a study group, it'll be easier when you're all suffering together

Best of luck!

[bassguppy]

Maybe you could look into if your school offers free/low cost counseling to their students.

Although medication only is appropriate for some psychological issues a combination of medication and therapy may provide the best outcome in many cases. A pill does not treat the underlying cause.

+1 on hitting the gym also.

[i_got_a_mohawk]

Originally Posted by SoonerMatt

As for the studying, I hate to break it to ya but you're gonna take a LOT of gen ed college classes you aren't going to care about (do you think I really wanted to take a History of Latin American Tribes class?). You're just going to have to take a deep breath, tell yourself it's something you gotta do, and power through it. It's hard to self-motivate when it's a subject you don't like, but it's something you gotta do. Try meeting with other people in the class and/or hopping on board with a study group, it'll be easier when you're all suffering together

Best of luck!

+1

Like SoonerMatt (and many others here), I'm also a Life Sci graduate (also Biochem). I'm afraid that it certainly doesn't get any easier the further you go, and there'll always be parts that you don't mesh with.

As SoonerMatt says, you just need to power through it! I'll also add that, those courses you aren't so interested in, will still count towards your degree. Even if they do not count towards your actual degree grade, more and more employers (and professors if you are going to do a Masters or PhD) are going to look at your transcripts and scrutinize all the parts of your studies! This doesn't mean a low mark is a be-all-end-all, but it does mean that you should avoid flunking things just because you aren't interested!

[eyeballkid]

While stratovani is giving you the responsible grown up answer, let me tell ya that while I paid my own way thru school cos I love learning, I dont remember a thing from chem lab, but I can tell ya every little detail still about every girl I ever had a chance with in college. That's what makes it a great time! Go easy on yourself, get out, mingle, and dont overload your class schedule. Live a little, and learn. Hell, listen to a little cat Stevens too. :-) ..... It will pass, and its normal. I was homesick as hell for something I couldn't get away from fast enough.

[MJ5150]

Originally Posted by beelzelboss

The gym just opened again (brand new gym, largest on the west coast).

What gym would that be?

-Mike