do people settle a lot in relationships?

scorpionldr · #1 04-29-2008, 11:10 PM

I'm curious. I'm dating a new girl lately and she's got some flaws (smoking, hs dropout cuz of disability), but if i dropped all that out of the equation, she's like the perfect girl for me. What do you guys think? do you ever settle for girls that have most of the qualities you seek or do you wait to see if things are to the tee in what your looking for?

MJ5150 · #2 04-29-2008, 11:13 PM

I think everyone settles to some degree. There is no "perfect match" out there for any of us.

Now along the way in the relationship, you may come to love the person even more for qualities they do have that you did not originally see. Those new qualities may overshadow what they initially were lacking and you may forget about them.

-Mike

scorpionldr · #3 04-29-2008, 11:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MJ5150

I think everyone settles to some degree. There is no "perfect match" out there for any of us.

Now along the way in the relationship, you may come to love the person even more for qualities they do have that you did not originally see. Those new qualities may overshadow what they initially were lacking and you may forget about them.

-Mike

true lol, I may smoke on occasion, but I was never really much for making love with an ash tray...I hope on her own she decides to quit, since she doesn't want to hear about it from me....she provides the "take it or leave it" attitude.....I'm just seeing if I exactly want to take it or not...makes for difficult choices.

AmyTheFreak · #4 04-29-2008, 11:19 PM

Nobody is perfect... but if you are settling on someone who treats you badly, then that is the wrong thing to be settling for.

scorpionldr · #5 04-29-2008, 11:19 PM

good perspective...

MJ5150 · #6 04-29-2008, 11:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by scorpionldr

.....I'm just seeing if I exactly want to take it or not...makes for difficult choices.

Good call. Time will tell if this is the girl for you. Where people get into trouble is when they dismiss the things they do not like in hopes of being able to change the person once they get married.

I think it was Phil Collins who once said..."you can't hurry love, you just have to wait".

-Mike

Ericman197 · #7 04-29-2008, 11:28 PM

The girl sounds like kind of a loser, but hey... whatever makes you happy.

You can settle for minor things, but personality/disposition and attraction are key.

scorpionldr · #8 04-29-2008, 11:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ericman197

The girl sounds like kind of a loser, but hey... whatever makes you happy.

You can settle for minor things, but personality/disposition and attraction are key.

lol well i'm kind of a loser, so it's sort of a match

it's becoming more and more clear to me that good qualities you've been looking for for a long time should mean more than not liking a little bit of puffed herb and a career decision thats done differently...the attractions there, the personalitys there.

Munjibunga · #9 04-30-2008, 12:04 AM

Well, the little things start getting bigger as the sheen starts to wear off. Don't even dream about changing the things you don't like about her. Make a decision right now to either accept them forever or get out of the relationship. Not that it means anything to you, but I wouldn't have the slightest interest in the hottest woman in the world if she smoked.

scorpionldr · #10 04-30-2008, 12:07 AM

good call on the small things becoming big things....a whole ****-load of people smoke, I've smoked here and there too...I just say if moderations there and she can handle herself then it's all good, considering she's a girl of a type I don't find much of where I'm around

derelicte · #11 04-30-2008, 12:08 AM

the glue that holds most relationships together is the chemistry.. as long as the attraction and dynamic is there, the rest can be worked on. Unless certain aspects were absolute dealbreakers, i genuinely feel that those idiosyncracies and differences are what give flavor to relationships. i'd say to keep going until either the passion fleets or the differences become too unbearably distancing.

Happynoj · #12 04-30-2008, 04:36 AM

If she isn't willing to even compromise on the smoking (for example avoiding smoking when you are there, or even think about giving it up) then does she care enough about you?

**Pacman** · #13 04-30-2008, 04:51 AM

my wife did...

peterbright · #14 04-30-2008, 05:21 AM

I've never been approached to write a column for the love worn, but my opinion is that you should set your sights higher. You might want to start that evolution with how you think about yourself. Set your goals higher first.

mothmonsterman · #15 04-30-2008, 06:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pacman

my wife did...

lol
Pacman: "Ms. Pacman will you marry me?"
Ms. Pacman: " *sigh* i guess so."

Everyone has flaws, it's how you live with those flaws.
Though i just started to quit smoking but my wife is still puffing away, never noticed how bad it smells.
To live with this flaw I'm making her go outside from now on.

scorpionldr · #16 04-30-2008, 07:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Happynoj

If she isn't willing to even compromise on the smoking (for example avoiding smoking when you are there, or even think about giving it up) then does she care enough about you?

lol maybe I'll just start drinking again and if she wants me to cut that end out she'll stop her business. no, i think she's compromising in just dealing with me alone....
she did mention unless I wanted to she wouldn't be a jerk about her habits with smoking....I dig some smokers' courtesy

JimS · #17 04-30-2008, 07:28 AM

Of course you have to compromise. My g/f compromises way too much.

The difference between that and 'settling' or compromising to much is only for you to decide.

(Personally, I woudn't go on a first date with someone who smoke tobacco.)

**Mark Wilson** · #18 04-30-2008, 07:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by scorpionldr

lol maybe I'll just start drinking again and if she wants me to cut that end out she'll stop her business. no, i think she's compromising in just dealing with me alone....
she did mention unless I wanted to she wouldn't be a jerk about her habits with smoking....I dig some smokers' courtesy

haha.

If she refuses to quit, then try to make an agreement that she goes into another room, like a designated smoking room, or outside.
And for her doing that, you agree to be a sex-slave.

I know, it might be tough, but I think it's possible.

scorpionldr · #19 04-30-2008, 07:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mark Wilson

haha.

If she refuses to quit, then try to make an agreement that she goes into another room, like a designated smoking room, or outside.
And for her doing that, you agree to be a sex-slave.

I know, it might be tough, but I think it's possible.

lol she already wants to "break" me. good to meet a girl so excited about what a guy wants in the sheets.

FL Knifemaker · #20 04-30-2008, 07:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Munjibunga

Not that it means anything to you, but I wouldn't have the slightest interest in the hottest woman in the world if she smoked.

+1 I take in enough fumes, dust and smoke working in my shop. I don't need it from another source. Plus, it's just plain NASHTY