Do you think Facebook causes people to obsess over death?

fenderhutz · #1 08-04-2011, 07:38 AM

I was just thinking about this and all of the "In Memory" pages on Facebook.

I see that some people have passed away well over a year ago and people are still having conversations and posting photos like the person is still around.

This isn't me being brash, heartless, or anything of that intent. Are we creating a culture, due to Facebook, that cannot let go or deal with the fact someone has passed away?

I feel it's good to reflect on the good times, bad times, and memories shared with people. However, doing so weekly on a Facebook page seems a little off to me and that the person/people can't deal with a person's death.

This is mainly just for discussion purposes. I personally have a Facebook account but lock it down and really only use for band purposes and don't feel I have to share everything about my life online.

Quickie · #2 08-04-2011, 07:40 AM

Facebook is what you make of it. Grief lasts for years. Many times, people never get over a loved ones death. Talking/posting about it can only help IMO.

Absentia · #3 08-04-2011, 07:43 AM

Living makes you obsess about death.

Longhair · #4 08-04-2011, 08:00 AM

Everybody deals with death differently.

If somebody made an "In Memory" facebook page for me after my death, I would haunt every single person that "liked" the page until they closed their facebook account.

PerlNinja · #5 08-04-2011, 08:18 AM

This is going to sound *really* ****ed up but...

Having gotten "older" (I've reached the ripe age of 34 ...) but now also having a family, and realising that my dad, grandma and so on won't be around forever (okay okay I got a bit sauced and got philosophical) I decided it was a good idea to have a will, just in case.

So I had one drafted up that simply stated that everything I own goes to my wife and kid. Tah-dah. The "interesting" part is that all my passwords for email accounts, facebook, google+ (and even this forum, yes) are written down and stored in my bank box. My will explicitly states that in the event of me shuffling my fat ass off this mortal coil, the executor *must* close my social network accounts, and contact the forums and so on where I'm active to request my account to be closed down and/or removed.

A friend of mine heard this and asked me about this and said "But don't you want people to remember you? Your FB profile would be good for that". My answer to that was: "No, I don't. If I'm dead, I want people to shut up and go on with life. I don't want to be mourned for years to come, just plant me already and go get wasted."

Morbid, no?

fenderhutz · #6 08-04-2011, 08:21 AM

Perlninja I like the way you think. I told my wife she had better not take up good ground by putting me in it lol. I don't want a shrine. Put my ashes in a vase and pull me out once a year and dump a single malt shot of scotch over my urn and have one for yourself while you are at it.

But only if she felt it necessary, because obviously, I wouldn't know the difference.

J. Crawford · #7 08-04-2011, 08:41 AM

PerlNinja is my hero now.

Quickie · #8 08-04-2011, 08:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Longhair

Everybody deals with death differently.

If somebody made an "In Memory" facebook page for me after my death, I would haunt every single person that "liked" the page until they closed their facebook account.

How quaint.

PerlNinja · #9 08-04-2011, 08:46 AM

Amen brother. I think this way because I've seen some people take the whole mourning thing way too far; a lady friend of mine whose boyfriend passed away 6 years ago still has all his stuff the way it was in their house, and she still refuses to even go out (socially) because "he wouldn't want that".

When I see things like that, all I can think is "ffffuuuuu------that". Told my wife too, if I die before you do, give it a few weeks out of respect, and then feel free to find yourself a toyboy.

*shrug* I don't see the big deal there but apparently I've managed to piss off many people with my attitude on life and death over the years. (Then again I am known to be an opinionated bass-tage...)

**jmattbassplaya** · #10 08-04-2011, 08:59 AM

People have always obsessed over death. This is just another way in which people can do so.

Quickie · #11 08-04-2011, 09:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PerlNinja

*shrug* I don't see the big deal there but apparently I've managed to piss off many people with my attitude on life and death over the years. (Then again I am known to be an opinionated bass-tage...)

As long as you're honest, they can all eat cake.

Pilgrim · #12 08-04-2011, 09:24 AM

No, I think people cause people to obsess about death.

I think people obsess about a lot of things.

PerlNinja · #13 08-04-2011, 09:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Quickie

As long as you're honest, they can all eat cake.

I tend to be brutally honest without any sense of diplomacy whatsoever. Well, I used to be anyway. Living in Indonesia has forced me to be more diplomatic, since culturally speaking, being direct is considered extremely rude...

It's just that from where I'm sitting, death is something that's going to happen, sooner or later. I prefer later, obviously, but once it happens - what do I care? I'm dead. The last thing I want is for people to get all hung up on that.

But to go back on topic...

Way back when (heh) before FB, you had the condolence registers where people could sort of "memorialise" (is that a word?). Now that function has moved to FB; purely because in this day and age, chances are if you croak, you're gonna have some social network presence. This has also made it much more "visible", and since most social networks don't *have* any sort of policy regarding the death of someone, those accounts will never get closed off. A condolence register is usually closed after the funeral, so people have no choice but to move on. FB accounts staying open just means people can show up after the fact.

Forums (like this) tend to be better for this; a thread usually shows up around the anniversary of someone's death, and it's more like friends sitting around in a bar doing the whole "remember back when ...." thing. That stuff on FB has a much more desperate feel to it because in general it's the people on the fringe of someone's circle of friends that will post there; whether it's something they do just to be "look at me still being a good friend even though i hardly knew ye..." or whatever it is, no idea...

OldDog52 · #14 08-04-2011, 10:09 AM

What is this "face book" everyone keeps talking about?

PerlNinja · #15 08-04-2011, 10:14 AM

It's like... a book!
With faces. Although sometimes it's more like faeces...

*slinks back to his corner to resume trying to get his right hand to not trip all over itself*

LiquidMidnight · #16 08-04-2011, 01:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Longhair

If somebody made an "In Memory" facebook page for me after my death, I would haunt every single person that "liked" the page until they closed their facebook account.

+1

As has stated, people deal with death differently. My mother passed away almost three years ago, and my father and I definitely dealt with it much differently. Dad often visits mom's cemetary site. I've yet to visit her grave site. For me, the essence of my mother has passed on and the cemetary site is just a resting place for her remains. For me, she's not there. My aunt once said something to me that I like: Life is for the living. I honor those who I've loved and have passed. I don't think you should forget those people. However, I can't live my life in a state of perpetual mourning.

I don't begrudge people their ways of dealing with death, as again, that's very personal.

MatticusMania · #17 08-04-2011, 01:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fenderhutz

This isn't me being brash, heartless, or anything of that intent. Are we creating a culture, due to Facebook, that cannot let go or deal with the fact someone has passed away?
I feel it's good to reflect on the good times, bad times, and memories shared with people. However, doing so weekly on a Facebook page seems a little off to me and that the person/people can't deal with a person's death.

I dont fell like thats the case at all. Let me preface by saying that I do not have a facebook, nor do I peruse other people's FBs. I dont think this is a facebook isolated type of incident, to be truthful. How many people do you see with "In Loving Memory Of..." stickers on the back of their car. Thats been around since before facebook. Last month my son would have turned four years old had he lived longer than 20 hours. On his birthday I went to the cemetery and had a picnic dinner alone. I think people, in general, can sometimes have a hard time letting go of someone who has passed on. I dont think that facebook has done anything to really further that, if only to provide a space for people to carry on their memories as they would otherwise.

StyleOverShow · #18 08-04-2011, 02:05 PM

Facebook is the new town square, albeit international, digital and available on several platforms, and the stuff of town life, births, deaths, deals and screwups remain the same.

Bloodhammer · #19 08-04-2011, 02:11 PM

Some people leave flowers on graves, some get drunk on graves, some put epitaphs on their back windshields, and some people use facebook pages to "remember".

I think it has more to do with the individual rather than the culture.

That being said, I personally don't want to be mourned for longer than 30 minutes. It's not like I'm doing the world any good or anything.

Absentia · #20 08-05-2011, 03:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bloodhammer

That being said, I personally don't want to be mourned for longer than an 30 minutes. It's not like I'm doing the world any good or anything.

Yep just dump me out in the woods then go get on with it.