Does the divorce atty. matter?

smcgov · #1 12-27-2012, 11:09 AM

hey folks, just wondering if the caliber of divorce atty. matters if the laws are the laws. Do some just look or dress better but mostly do all the same things? Do the bigtime advertisers really have any more success than the other folks who aren't as established?

Texan · #2 12-27-2012, 11:20 AM

The quality of the attorney ALWAYS matters. Get a good one.

hdracer · #3 12-27-2012, 11:29 AM

It really depends on the state and how messy the divorce is.
I didn't even get a lawyer. I looked at the papers and they seemed fair enough and I signed them

Anything more that I feel I could have got would have been spent on the lawyer plus more.

In divorces, it is the lawyers that win.

smcgov · #4 12-27-2012, 11:35 AM

yeah I think she's going to file and I have a tension in my body that is just the sickest feeling that I've ever felt.

I just don't know how you are supposed to know if a lawyer is good or not. There are websites with just lame reviews that sound like someone in the lawyer's office did it. I really am not looking forward to being broke but it's my son's future I'm most worried about.

SBassman · #5 12-27-2012, 11:36 AM

It won't necessarily relate to how they advertise, but yes, there are good and bad ones, and you want a good one. Try to get suggestions from others in your region.

If there are children involved, it's doubly important.

If there will be any discussion about partitioning an estate, alimony, other sources of income - i.e. disability - it's important.

hdracer · #6 12-27-2012, 11:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by smcgov

yeah I think she's going to file and I have a tension in my body that is just the sickest feeling that I've ever felt.

I just don't know how you are supposed to know if a lawyer is good or not. There are websites with just lame reviews that sound like someone in the lawyer's office did it. I really am not looking forward to being broke but it's my son's future I'm most worried about.

Talk to her.
Find out what she wants.
For your sake and the kids, try and work out a fair settlement.
Don't blow your kids future and your life lining a lawyers pockets.
Some states have a No-Fault divorce. If you and your wife can be civil you can work out something that doesn't cost you everything.

bluewine · #7 12-27-2012, 11:45 AM

It depends on the divorce and if there are children involved.

In most states it's a waste to spend money on am attorney, the guy always gets the short end of the stick regardless.

Blue

bluewine · #8 12-27-2012, 11:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hdracer

Talk to her.
Find out what she wants.
For your sake and the kids, try and work out a fair settlement.
Don't blow your kids future and your life lining a lawyers pockets.
Some states have a No-Fault divorce. If you and your wife can be civil you can work out something that doesn't cost you everything.

Great advise.

The attorney is never in alliance with you. He will be in alliance with your wife's attorney and their mission is to drain you and your wife of every dime both of you have.

Blue

Philonius · #9 12-27-2012, 11:57 AM

Blue is catastrophizing a bit. Attorneys do matter- and the more the contentious the dispute is the more they do. If you two decide it's over, TRY to come to a fair settlement between yourselves, and have the lawyers execute your wishes. If it becomes a catfight with one or the other looking to punish, embarrass or screw over the other, then yes, it gets very expensive very quickly.

Have any friends who've been through this? Ask them for recommendations. Good luck.

Thick McRunfast · #10 12-27-2012, 11:59 AM

Get the most cut-throat, evil, unethical SOB you can. You can't afford not to.

Richland123 · #11 12-27-2012, 12:04 PM

The attorneys on both sides like it when the divorce and child custody issues drag on because they make more money. Mine took 5 years.

Jim Nazium · #12 12-27-2012, 12:10 PM

I suggest you consider a few questions:
How acrimonious is the divorce likely to be, based on your relationship history and her personality?
How much assets / income is there to fight over?
Is there likely to be a custody battle?

After you've pondered those questions, I think you will know what to do next. If it isn't likely to be ugly, and/or if there isn't a whole lot of money to haggle over anyway, you might not need a lawyer at all. You might be able to just work it out with her. Otherwise, you might want to start talking to a lawyer right away. There might be steps you could take now that will protect your assets or help your custody case.

Good luck. I've never been through it, but I'm sure it isn't fun.

smcgov · #13 12-27-2012, 12:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Richland123

The attorneys on both sides like it when the divorce and child custody issues drag on because they make more money. Mine took 5 years.

5 years? did the outcome suck anyway?

guroove · #14 12-27-2012, 12:15 PM

It's almost always cheaper to settle. If you get into a battle, the only parties who win are the lawyers. It does help to have a competent lawyer. He doesn't have to be the best money can buy. Try to avoid court.

Richland123 · #15 12-27-2012, 12:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by smcgov

5 years? did the outcome suck anyway?

Pretty much. Every time there was a continuance on her part for a hearing, it would get pushed back several months to drag it out and cost more money.

smcgov · #16 12-27-2012, 12:28 PM

basically the issue is my wife cannot or will not discipline her stepchildren, the boy is going to be 18 in a few days and continually brings pot into the house and is on probation for intent to distribute. IMO he has a problem and needs evaluation. She does not agree with room searches, so I smelled pot a few weeks ago and he gave her some outrageous story which she believed, I searched his room and found a bong and some papers which I removed. Nobody said a word but I could hear him in his room throwing things around. The kid has a temper and made a move the other night like he wanted to fight and I went off on him. The wife is now not talking to me.

I have a 6 year old and absolutely do not want him in the house with the older kid without me present to protect him. I am considering calling probation dept. to drop dime on the kid, which I will feel bad about but my mom says it may save his or someone else's life. It's the most bogus situation I've ever been a part of and my wife enables this kid to the nth degree. I've always had a good relationship with him until I started the war on his bringing pot into my house.

guroove · #17 12-27-2012, 12:34 PM

Yikes. Try to get family counseling before it gets into a legal affair, but definitely seek out a lawyer just for consultation so you know what you're looking at. Is the older kid your kid?

smcgov · #18 12-27-2012, 12:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by guroove

Yikes. Try to get family counseling before it gets into a legal affair, but definitely seek out a lawyer just for consultation so you know what you're looking at. Is the older kid your kid?

no the older kid is a step kid. I've been around 6 years, one stepkid got a DUI this fall and the other got caught with intent to distribute. I'm embarrassed about it but have tried everything I could to help these kids and mom just refuses to acknowledge they might have a problem.

Clark Dark · #19 12-27-2012, 12:43 PM

I wouldn't lawyer up at first. If you get served papers you will appear before a magistrate (here in my neck of the woods he or she is called a Master). The first thing they will offer is reconciliation through counciling. That's the opportunity to get the teens bought up in the midst of the conversation. Sounds like you care for your wife but you wish the two of you were on the same page concerning the disipline of the teens who may have been getting away with a lot of stuff for years. I was in a courtroom last week and the opposing attorneys were smiling at each other like old friends. Here in my area they average about $3,800 to $4,000 for starters. Don't spend it if you don't have to.

smcgov · #20 12-27-2012, 01:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Clark Dark

I wouldn't lawyer up at first. If you get served papers you will appear before a magistrate (here in my neck of the woods he or she is called a Master). The first thing they will offer is reconciliation through counciling. That's the opportunity to get the teens bought up in the midst of the conversation. Sounds like you care for your wife but you wish the two of you were on the same page concerning the disipline of the teens who may have been getting away with a lot of stuff for years. I was in a courtroom last week and the opposing attorneys were smiling at each other like old friends. Here in my area they average about $3,800 to $4,000 for starters. Don't spend it if you don't have to.

thx, I would like to do counseling, but she told me some months ago that she was not interested. I told her it's really not fair to the little kiddo to not even attempt to provide him with a full family life and that seemed to bother her, I really believe it though. When you get married and have the kid in my mind it's like a covenant and splitting the family is breaking the covenant w/ your kiddo. I will say though that the wife is a very difficult person to live with and I suspect in time I would find relief to be away from her. I'm concerned about my son, and I do care for the stepkids, I just think they need a course correction.