Does the divorce atty. matter?

[bluewine]

Originally Posted by Indiana Mike

Also ,if you can prove his bad behavior in a divorce case ypu may end up with custody ....

I said earlier to settle this yourselves ... I'm not sure this will happen unless you just bend and break....

Good luck with that in WI. I gave a friend who's ex has battled with severe mental illness. She still won custody.

A good attorney can only help the woman, not the man.

Blue

[runmikeyrun]

Originally Posted by bluewine

In WI if the woman is a crack head with an arrest record, the State still feels she's the better parent even when the guy is squeaky clean.

Blue

That's basically how it is in my county in OH. Severely biased towards women. My attorney said I "won" because I got 50/50 custody. She wanted full custody so she could move to Canada with my daughter! I lost almost everything else- house, car, $15 grand she stole from my bank accounts, etc. even though she was the one who was cheating on me. Oh, and she's a recovering drug addict, lives in the PJs and has no family the US- kid is babysat by felons and other recovering addicts. She wont take the kid to the doctor, ever, and I'm not allowed to per the court order. They still wont give me full custody. I'm currently trying to get control of the doctor visits, but they gave her control even though she previously had a year long record of not taking her to the doctor while she was custodial parent. It's insane.

That's why you need a pitbull lawyer. I lost a lot, but I would have lost a lot more, including my daughter, had I not had a good attorney.

[bluewine]

Don't fall for that " it's all about what's fair for the kids "

It's about how much money the attorneys can drain from you and the judge getting you off his books.

Blue

[bmb73]

Originally Posted by runmikeyrun

That's basically how it is in my county in OH. Severely biased towards women. My attorney said I "won" because I got 50/50 custody. She wanted full custody so she could move to Canada with my daughter! I lost almost everything else- house, car, $15 grand she stole from my bank accounts, etc. even though she was the one who was cheating on me. Oh, and she's a recovering drug addict, lives in the PJs and has no family the US- kid is babysat by felons and other recovering addicts. She wont take the kid to the doctor, ever, and I'm not allowed to per the court order. They still wont give me full custody. I'm currently trying to get control of the doctor visits, but they gave her control even though she previously had a year long record of not taking her to the doctor while she was custodial parent. It's insane.

That's why you need a pitbull lawyer. I lost a lot, but I would have lost a lot more, including my daughter, had I not had a good attorney.

I totally agree with you're post. I went through my divorce in Ohio and they really biased toward women. Although my case was not as bad concerning the ex, if I did not have an okay lawyer it could have been much worse. Looking back I wish I had gotten a much more , how do you say "intense" type.

[king_biscuit]

Attorneys make a lot more from a contested divorce, so guess which way you are going to get pushed. Settle your case if you can.

[king_biscuit]

Looking back over your posts, you don't have kids together, so unless you have a bunch of property/cash and/or debt together, there is no reason to do a contested divorce.

[BassDoc51]

Go buy a dissolution packet and work out the terms together. If she is the one who wants to file, than she will more than likely cooperate.

[smcgov]

we do have a 6 year old together. I am 47, this is my only kid and will probably end up being my only kid. Obviously I don't want to spend the next 12 years of my life being broke but to me, quite honestly I would be fine living in an apartment, my issue is 100% with the raising of the child. I do love my wife but IMO she has mental health issues that she is determined not to face. There's more to it than a kid being a pothead in the house, the kid has anger issues and has large knives that the wife sanctioned. My stepdaughter just got a DUI at college, came back for thanksgiving and promptly got another ticket for possession of alcohol and is now driving around stoned in her brother's car. I see all of this and to me this is not what I want my kid raised around.
My wife also thought it was ok to let the 19 year old stepdaughter have her boyfriend spend the night in her room one night, next time I told them no way.

Yes I do love my wife and I took the vows but my most important job in life is to be father to my son and to raise him to the best of my ability, which is exceedingly difficult in these conditions. I don't have a pension, we both make good money, we have an albatross house with a huge mortgage that keeps losing value. We have had divorce discussions before and I told her split custody or nothing which angered her into saying that I was only worried about the money and that his best interest would be to have one household and that "every boy needs a mom". When I told her the University of New Hampshire had done a study that showed in divorces that the children do better when raised by the same sex parent, she poo poo'd that.

[electracoyote]

Originally Posted by smcgov

we do have a 6 year old together.

Get the best, most aggressive attorney you can find, one with a reputation specifically for succesfully representing and protecting father's rights in divorce situations. Because of the historically lopsided nature of domestic disputes favoring the mother, these kind of lawyers are becoming more common to meet the demand for father's rights advocates. And the courts are starting to loosen up and give fathers a nod as viable choices as parents. I know you said you have good income, but if it comes down to it, sell off unnecessary items, borrow, beg, call in all your favors, clean out your savings, take a loan, go into debt, but do whatever it takes to come up with the money for the best representation you can get. Trust me, you'll be glad you did later.

Your divorce attorney will have lots of great advice for you. If you move out, you must establish a child-friendly domecile for your son that gives him the same standard of living as he experiences now in the home you shared with your wife, and he needs to be close to his existing friends, school, extra-curricular facilities, etc. Your father's rights divorce attorney will have more similar great advice for how you can maximize your odds of convincing the courts that you are a great father, a great parent, and a vital indisposable part of your son's life.

Take the initiative, it does give you the advantage, don't wait for her to do it. Finding yourself on the defensive is a serious disadvantage in these situations. And don't engage her in pointless debates. She has tipped her hand and made her intentions clear. Take that warning dead serious.

[DwaynieAD]

if you burn her house down your apartment will seem like a much better living arrangement to the courts.

[Clark Dark]

Originally Posted by smcgov

thx, I would like to do counseling, but she told me some months ago that she was not interested. I told her it's really not fair to the little kiddo to not even attempt to provide him with a full family life and that seemed to bother her, I really believe it though. When you get married and have the kid in my mind it's like a covenant and splitting the family is breaking the covenant w/ your kiddo. I will say though that the wife is a very difficult person to live with and I suspect in time I would find relief to be away from her. I'm concerned about my son, and I do care for the stepkids, I just think they need a course correction.

also that fee for lawyers will be $4,000 each. That's $8,000 that I'm sure would do more good to your family. I'm sure your wife loves her older teens but they will be adults soon. The 18yo can enlist in an armed service at his age. Counciling would help and in my neck of the woods the Master would order it especially if their are no circumstances like abuse, poor stewardship of family funds, intentional infliction of emotional distress, etc.

[Marley's Ghost]

Yes, the skill of the attorney matters greatly. Try to get a referral from a friend or counselor.

If you are not already doing so, start keeping a diary of her abhorrent behavior. Also you should start recording your conversations if it is legal to do so in your state.

Visit this website - www.shrink4men.com

It is the only really good resource for men dealing with a mentally unstable spouse. Good luck and keep us posted.

[klaus486]

Oh, dude....YES. Absolutely it matters! It's the most important decision you can make in the divorce process. May I suggest looking in your area for a lawyer who advertises as "divorce for men". The laws are insanely skewed toward women and in most cases probably rightly so....but when your wife is "appearing" in court via closed circuit tv wearing the jail orange jumpsuit and the judge still awards her custody of the house and kids you want the best lawyer money can buy by your side. Mine saved my ass.

[Sav'nBass]

Originally Posted by Texan

The quality of the attorney ALWAYS matters. Get a good one.

This in most legal matters of any kind.. but in divorce cases this also applies..

Originally Posted by hdracer

It really depends on the state and how messy the divorce is.
I didn't even get a lawyer. I looked at the papers and they seemed fair enough and I signed them
Anything more that I feel I could have got would have been spent on the lawyer plus more.
In divorces, it is the lawyers that win.

.. and very often one or the other party in the case really wants to stick it to the other.. and that is when it gets messiest.. It also helps when you don't have whole bunch to squabble over.. I found out after the fact that my ex had screwed my lawyer ... I had no idea they even knew each other but they met through her sister.. before we met. I met him through my mother and I was going out with his secretary before I even got married..

[bluewine]

Originally Posted by Marley's Ghost

Yes, the skill of the attorney matters greatly. Try to get a referral from a friend or counselor.

If you are not already doing so, start keeping a diary of her abhorrent behavior. Also you should start recording your conversations if it is legal to do so in your state..

You can keep all the diaries and recordings you want. In WI it wouldn't help you at all.

Blue

[placedesjardins]

Originally Posted by hdracer

Talk to her.
Find out what she wants.
For your sake and the kids, try and work out a fair settlement.
Don't blow your kids future and your life lining a lawyers pockets.
Some states have a No-Fault divorce. If you and your wife can be civil you can work out something that doesn't cost you everything.

Good advice. If lawyers see a bitter, stubborn couple, they will milk both parties of lawyer fees via constant back-and-forth proceedings. Think professional sports athletes collective bargaining agreement proceedings. You can have meetings go for a year before settling. How much in fees can be racked up in multiple meetings over a year? Lawyers are happy because they earn more just doing nothing more but servicing their clients needs, and if not budging is their client's need, then that's what they do.

[DwaynieAD]

Originally Posted by bluewine

You can keep all the diaries and recordings you want. In WI it wouldn't help you at all.

Blue

Pennsylvania is the same way. state slogan should be "we hate men"

[Marley's Ghost]

Originally Posted by bluewine

You can keep all the diaries and recordings you want. In WI it wouldn't help you at all.

Blue

YMMV. This advice has been given by psychologists and top attorneys. It really depends on the state you live in.

OP, hang in there. And check out shrink4men.com - Lots of great info and support for men on fighting for your rights and you kids rights.

[smperry]

smcgov, I don't have any experience in this or advice to offer, but wish you the best.

[kanonfodr]

A Divorce Atty is $4k+, half your stuff, and an alimony payment. A hitman is $5k and no questions asked. IJS.

Peace,
Greg