Does one have the right...

[bassteban]

..to know about an illegitimate sibling(or siblings)? Long story short- my 88-yr-old father, while in a fog(recovering from a head trauma resulting in two surgeries), stated that he has 5 children. For all of my own 47 years, I was under the impression that I was the last of 4...
He has since that time very nearly fully recovered, and although no one has brought the subject back up, I don't think he remembers(making the statement- if there is a *love child* out there somewhere, I imagine he's aware). So I have no idea whether it was just a befuddled mind miscounting, or forgetting that *that was a deep, dark secret*(my father flew in the military & civil airlines- he'd have PLENTY of opportunity to *sow the wild oats*)and spilling the beans...
Your thoughts?

[jmattbassplaya]

A right? Probably not. It's your father's life. He probably has kept some things from your family not only for his own benefit, but yours collectively as well. There's probably a good reason why they were never brought up.

[MJ5150]

No.

-Mike

[colcifer]

He may have just miscounted. Bring it up and see what happens.

Edit: You probably shouldn't bring it up.

[Phalex]

Originally Posted by colcifer

He may have just miscounted.

I honestly don't know that my father has an exact count of how many of us there are. He tends to call me and my brothers by each others names.......

[bassteban]

Originally Posted by colcifer

He may have just miscounted. Bring it up and see what happens.

Oh, HELL no. I'm curious, & maaay consider asking him, alone- but it would cause my equally-elderly mother a world of hurt, which she does NOT deserve.
Thanks for all replies; again- I'm curious, but not losing sleep. On that note, has anyone had a similar experience?

[bassteban]

Originally Posted by Phalex

I honestly don't know that my father has an exact count of how many of us there are. He tends to call me and my brothers by each others names.......

Any parent of more than 2 who gets the kids' names right- EVER- is, in my book, very likely a robot/bodysnatcher.

[Staccato]

My wife found 1/2 sisters. In the case of the two sisters-her father was out of the picture, so they learned it through research. We're glad to know them, and one niece was recently married in Nashville.

[Buzzi]

Originally Posted by bassteban

On that note, has anyone had a similar experience?

Thanks God, NO! (And hope it stays in this way )

Answering your first question: Right? I think yes. It is your right.
It is his life but could be your brother or sister.

Now... if you ask me if you should do it... well... it it one's decision...

"Ignorance is Bliss"... sometimes this phrase is true... but just sometimes...

But I thinks if I would know about some half brother or sister... I think I would go after his or her at some point of my life... despite the fear of end up regretting of it.

[jmattbassplaya]

You really are kind of in a predicament. On one hand, your father is really old (as is your mom), so causing any unneeded stress like this right now would be absolutely saddening (IMHO). However, you really can't tell how many remaining years he has left either at this point, so this might be the only time you really get to ask.

[Staredge]

Did they lose one and you just don't know about it? My mom lost a daughter shortly after birth (first husband), and we've never officially been told anything about it. She doesn't talk about her first marriage at all. (snooping kids and a dad that will talk FTW!!! lol)

[Horny Toad]

Originally Posted by bassteban

....but it would cause my equally-elderly mother a world of hurt, which she does NOT deserve....

Or she may already know. I know someone who was in a similar situation to yours. I agree though, that bringing it up could be risky.

[Steve]

Barring the need for some sort medical issue, organ, marrow donation, hereditary condition issue, whatever....no.

IMHO

[MakiSupaStar]

Even though it might not say it on the label, the can you are holding is full of worms. It's probably best you put it back on the shelf and push your shopping cart out of this aisle.

[Deluge Of Sound]

Originally Posted by bassteban

Any parent of more than 2 who gets the kids' names right- EVER- is, in my book, very likely a robot/bodysnatcher.

More than two? In my experience, my brother and I got our names confused between the two of us, and sometimes had pets tacked on, for good measure.

[HaMMerHeD]

Originally Posted by bassteban

Any parent of more than 2 who gets the kids' names right- EVER- is, in my book, very likely a robot/bodysnatcher.

My mother had 2 miscarriages and 8 live births, one of which died of cancer at the age of 5. I am surprised she even remembers how many kids she has and what their names are. She rarely gets my name right on the first or second try, and sometimes calls me Jeff, which is her (now deceased) brother.

[bassteban]

Jmatt has it pretty right, I think. I'd like to know, but not so much that I need to dredge up stuff that has very little/nothing to do me, but would very likely harm others hugely.
Staredge, I am pretty sure my mom has lost at least one- once you go through that you find out how common it is(my wife & I lost one- NOT making light of it).
Maki- no doubt; I'll probably do nothing about it, just wondering aloud, I guess...
Again- I'm not *concerned/worried/whatever*- more idly curious, and as always, I like to run this sort of thought past my OT bros.

[MiniMoose234]

I'm adopted, and know nothing about my birth parents. My mom and my birth mom worked together, so it's not like they don't know. But after asking multiple times, when I was younger and more recently (I'm almost 17) I still haven't learned any more about them. My parents also adopted my birth brother when he was born 15 months after me. I also have learned I have a birth sister somewhere, but know nothing about her at all. I don't know if there are any other siblings out there, but it would be nice to know what my parents are ethnicity wise, because I have no clue and people ask me all the time, and people have stated I look part asian, native american, and black. So that would be nice to find out.

[guitar ed]

My one thought: Don't ask in front of your mom. Even if she does know, she may not want to go through it again. Take your dad out for a "guys lunch," just the two of you. Tell him what you heard & the circumstances. Give him a chance to say he miscounted. On the other hand, be prepared for a sibling you know nothing about.

As to whether or not you should........ That's a different question, one I cannot begin to answer.

edg

[bassteban]

Originally Posted by guitar ed

Don't ask in front of your mom.

I think I've at least implied that there is not even a remote possibility of my doing something so thoughtless. I am an ass, but not of THAT magnitude.