Domino's Pizza Tracker Saves Man's Life

tastybasslines · #1 08-17-2011, 01:39 AM

UHpinions – Real. Ridiculous. Reviews. From Yelp, Amazon, Epinions, etc.! » Domino’s Pizza

Who could make that up? Worth the few minute read.

HaRd · #2 08-17-2011, 02:00 AM

"This is a story of why dating bipolar girls is not a good idea and how the Domino’s Pizza tracker saved my life" - how could anyone not be hooked?

tastybasslines · #3 08-17-2011, 02:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HaRd

"This is a story of why dating bipolar girls is not a good idea and how the Domino’s Pizza tracker saved my life" - how could anyone not be hooked?

I really believe him. It's hard to make things up without inspiration.

jp58 · #4 08-17-2011, 02:08 AM

Bam. That opening line has winning written all over it.

Simo98 · #5 08-17-2011, 02:18 AM

Hah, that was great.

I always said that the pizza tracker was a good idea.

chaseman · #6 08-17-2011, 03:17 AM

Alejandro needs a medal.

Eugene Festus · #7 08-17-2011, 03:34 AM

That's the greatest story ever!

**VincentSalizeri** · #8 08-17-2011, 08:26 AM

I like that man's writing style. It fits the story perfectly.

Relic · #9 08-17-2011, 09:18 AM

Having once been married to a bi-polar mess, I hereby sympathize with the author as I can relate, I adore Alejandro though I never met him, and I will be ordering Dominoes tonite

MJ5150 · #10 08-17-2011, 10:42 AM

I think the story is made up.

-Mike

Relic · #11 08-17-2011, 10:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MJ5150

I think the story is made up.

-Mike

Maybe the pizza guy part, but trust me, I lived the "knife part".

MatticusMania · #12 08-17-2011, 11:15 AM

Can someone post the article, please? Its blocked at work...

GregC · #13 08-17-2011, 11:20 AM

That was great. If it's partly made up, I still give the author props for a tale well-told.

Relic · #14 08-17-2011, 11:20 AM

text from story (I had to edit out a lot of the questionable lingo):

This is a story of why dating bipolar girls is not a good idea and how the Domino’s Pizza tracker saved my life

I have always been on the fence when it comes to Pizza Hut Vs. Dominos. I don’t eat enough pizza from either to really have a concrete answer of which one makes a better pie. I can tell you one solid truth… As my last relationship ended and the lies, scandals and deceptions came out, after all was said and done, my psycho ex girlfriend did teach me one VERY important thing:

ALWAYS choose Domino’s over pizza hut.

I had been having trouble with my now EX-girlfriend for quite awhile, I won’t go into details, but let’s just say she went crazy. I thought, simple: I’ll just break it off.

Wrong.

One Friday night, around 8:00pm, after a long week of work and incessant phone calls/psychotic voicemails from the unbalanced EX, I decided I was going to stay in, which one any weekend night is abnormal for me. Usually on weekend nights that I am in, I usually am cool with a movie, a 6 pack and a pizza. I had been ordering from Pizza Hut the last few times, but after a constant bombardment with Domino’s “WE’VE CHANGED OUR SH, I SWEAR WE’RE AWESOME NOW” ad campaign, I decided to give it a shot.

Around 8pm, I went online to order my pizza. I built a modest 2 topping medium pizza, and placed my order. You have to love how far we have come in the delivery pizza world.

Immediately afterwards, I was introduced to the piece of a software that would save my neck.

The Pizza Tracker.

Pizza tracker? **** yeah, the pizza tracker. If you don’t know what the pizza tracker is, then get your arse online right now and order a pizza from Domino’s. It’s the equivalent of a loading bar on a web browser, except at the end of the loading you get a delicious pizza.

This is where the night got interesting.

I am on my couch, one eye on “Parks and Rec” the other on the pizza tracker displayed on my lap top that joined me on the couch.

We had just entered stage 2: Prep.

KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!

For a split second I thought, “woh that was fast,” I put my order in 10 minutes ago and pizza tracker says it’s still in stage 2.

By the end of my thought, the door swung open.

Guess who.

Yep, it was my psychotic EX. Knife in hand, she starts threatening to do some pretty awful things. I try to stand up, she freaks. I stay on the couch and attempt to calm her down. She goes into a hysterical rant about us getting back together, ya right, and I glance at the pizza tracker.

Stage 3. Bake (Juan is putting your order in the oven)

She goes on while all I can think is GO JUAN GO!!!! GET THAT SH IN THE OVEN!

I try to calm her down, I stand up and she freaks out and tells me “SIT THE F DOWN!!”

She continues on her violet outburst and I tell her we can work things out hoping to get her to calm down. It’s no use.

I decide I need to try and get to my phone. I inconspicuously try to look for my cell phone. Dammit! I left it my room. I am screwed. I am dead. The pizza man will get blamed for this! Oh, the poor pizza boy will be wrongfully blamed and get life in prison for what this unstable b going to do to me.

STAGE 4! BOX!

F YEAH! They are boxing up my pizza. Get your arse over here!

She continues on for another 5 minutes. Trying to make eye contact, glancing at the pizza tracker every second she looks away.

Stage 5! DELIVERY: Alejandro is delivering your pizza.

GOD SPEED ALEJENDRO!!! MY LIFE AND YOUR FREEDOM RELY ON THIS!

Knowing that the Alejandro is on the way, I try and just keep her talking, but the more she talks the more enraged she gets. I try to interupt, but that just makes things worse.

It’s been 10 minutes, Alejandro should be here any time.

She continues, she is yelling at the top of her lungs about the things we could have been. I am still banking that Alejandro will be here any second and save the day.

10 more minutes go by.
Alejandro GET YOUR A IN GEAR!

SHE IS OFFICIALLY FREAKING THE F OUT. She puts the knife up to her wrist and then takes it away. I am panicking. Where the f is Alejandro! Pizza tracker tells me we’re still in stage 5. F YOU PIZZA TRACKER , YOU’VE BEEN IN STAGE 5 FOR 25 MINUTES!!!! I will never order from Domino’s again!!! After this thought I immediately think to myself, I will be dead, so I will probably never order another pizza again.

Right then, the cops come in. At gunpoint they calm her down and obtain the knife. Alejandro had shown up to the door wide open and saw psycho with the knife and went back to his ’98 Honda Accord and called the cops. Domino’s pizza literally saved my life. They should change the name from the pizza tracker to the savior tracker.

Alejandro is the true definition of a hero. In a way, Alejandro is the 5th ninja turtle. He showed up, accessed the situation, didn’t panic, and saved my arse from the bad guys. Oh yeah, and he brought a fing excellent pizza too.

MatticusMania · #15 08-17-2011, 12:23 PM

Awesome!

**colcifer** · #16 08-17-2011, 01:04 PM

This is why I'm glad I learned about the hot-crazy scale early (9th grade-said she built a shrine and I have NO idea whether or not she was joking).

pie_man_25 · #17 08-17-2011, 01:14 PM

Wow, if I would have known that the best way to get out of a crazy girl with a knife situation that would have saved me a lot of time.

edit: and a pair of pants.

Bloodhammer · #18 08-17-2011, 01:19 PM

Relic and I are on the same page here. I believe the guy - it sounds too dang familiar!

fenderhutz · #19 08-17-2011, 01:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MJ5150

I think the story is made up.

-Mike

Why? Can you see the photoshop pixels?

Skitch it! · #20 08-17-2011, 01:31 PM

'Pizza tracker? **** yeah, the pizza tracker. If you don’t know what the pizza tracker is, then get your arse online right now and order a pizza from Domino’s. It’s the equivalent of a loading bar on a web browser, except at the end of the loading you get a delicious pizza'.

O.K, kewl!