Eternal Earth-Bound Pets

Jonny B · #1 09-21-2009, 09:48 PM

I'd be happy to take in any Rotties.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/news...e-Rapture.html

Quote:

Atheists offer to care for Christians' pets after the Rapture

It's a question that all animal-loving Christian evangelicals must address: who will look after their pets on Earth when the Rapture comes and they are taken up to heaven?

By Matthew Moore
Published: 8:00AM BST 29 Aug 2009

Now a group of atheists in the US have come up with a tongue-in-cheek solution, offering to take in the cats and dogs of "saved" believers in return for a small fee.

All the atheists signed up by Eternal Earth-Bound Pets are self-confessed sinners and blasphemers, guaranteeing they will be left behind when the chosen are selected

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The business idea is an irreverent attempt to cash in on the belief – widespread among US Christians – that the pious will be carried up to heaven by God in a sudden swoop, leaving unbelievers to endure the seven-year reign of the anti-Christ on Earth.

According to some polls, as many as 55 per cent of Americans believe in the notion of the Rapture.

"You've committed your life to Jesus. You know you're saved. But when the Rapture comes what's to become of your loving pets who are left behind?" the group's website asks.

"Eternal Earth-Bound Pets takes that burden off your mind."

For $110, the firm promises lifetime care for almost all domestic pets if their owners are transported to heaven within the next ten years.

The offer may sound far-fetched, and even a little provocative, but the group insists it is not joking.

It claims to have a network of pet-loving atheists spread across 20 states to ensure speedy, local animal care wherever the Rapture occurs, and has established a PayPal account to take subscriptions.

The founders also assure believers that their animals will enjoy an excellent quality of life: "All pets will live in loving homes, not in animal shelters or pet 'mills'."

And while the company promises that all its atheist carers are moral people with no criminal records, it stresses that they are not too saintly.

"Each of our representatives has stated to us in writing that they are atheists, do not believe in God / Jesus, and that they have blasphemed in accordance with Mark 3:29, negating any chance of salvation," the website states.

But potential customers would be advised to read the terms and conditions before forking out their $110; if the subscriber loses their faith or is not Raputered in the next 10 years, they are not entitled to a refund.

The venture follows the launch last year of a new internet service designed to allow Christian subscribers to send emails to non-believing friends and relatives after the Rapture.

Happynoj · #2 09-22-2009, 04:48 AM

Ha ha ha!!! That is excellent. Maybe I should start up the UK branch.

MJ5150 · #3 09-22-2009, 07:08 AM

Ya know, there are people who really dig their animals. I could totally see this service making some money.

-Mike

Chriss62 · #4 09-22-2009, 08:44 AM

I want a pug. Can has a pug?

**Eric Perry** · #5 09-22-2009, 08:55 AM

Oh this should turn out lovely....

iamlowsound · #6 09-22-2009, 09:25 AM

I am a Christian and I will take an English Bulldog please. <--- Some Christians might get this joke.

lowsound

Thunderscreech · #7 09-22-2009, 09:26 AM

I'm Catholic (sort of), and I'll take a snake!

buzzbass · #8 09-22-2009, 12:54 PM

Send all the Basset Hounds to me.

ADbassman · #9 09-22-2009, 01:25 PM

I got dibs on the Labradors.

Din Of Win · #10 09-22-2009, 01:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jonny B

I'd be happy to take in any Rotties.

My family has a German Sheppard/Rottweiler mix... best dog i have ever known.

With that, send me the mutts!

Munjibunga · #11 09-23-2009, 11:31 PM

I'll take the wiener dogs.

undeadbass · #12 09-24-2009, 09:28 AM

This makes no sense whatsoever. I was told all dogs go to heaven. I even saw a documentary about it.

Ok, maybe not a documentary, but an awesome film nonetheless.

**baba** · #13 09-24-2009, 09:32 AM

Damn, I wish I thought of this. As silly as it sounds, they are going to make money.

geeza · #14 09-24-2009, 09:40 AM

I'll take any and all Golden Retrievers.

TallLankyBastyd · #15 09-24-2009, 09:52 AM

This will be lawyers paradise after the rapture!

All these contracts are going to be made and then... all the creatures but man will be whisked away during the rapture leaving the atheists and gawdies to argue about breach of contract and all that...

I'll really miss my dogs & cats (actually, I'm betting the felines will remain to continue their torture of humans) but the resulting fallout of this divine misreading will be quite entertaining.

Jimmy Bones · #16 09-24-2009, 10:41 AM

There is no misreading. Rapture is a made-up concept not supported by scripture, and is a relatively recent notion, as far as religious beliefs go in the timeline of the faith.

**baba** · #17 09-24-2009, 10:49 AM

**Bryan R. Tyler** · #18 09-24-2009, 11:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Munjibunga

I'll take the wiener dogs.

Still have it in your mind that they make an excellent fertilizer I see.

Boy, if there are Christians that know the rapture is coming and chose to buy pets anyways that they'd have to leave to us atheists, god might see that as pretty irresponsible and make them stay here with us