Ex Girlfriend in Coma

[basstotheface]

My very unstable rebellious ex girlfriend has been in a coma and on life support since Tuesday.

She decided, after 4 pills of an illegal substance, it was cool to steal a car and drive 85 down a street at 5 in the morning. She rammed a cement light pole, crushing the car in half and flipping it 7 times.

I called her Thursday and her mother answered and explained everything upon which I told her I knew she (the comatose girl) was under the influence.

Her mom says that things aren't looking too good and that even if she makes it she will be a shell of herself (and in JDC for a couple years).

Do I go visit?
Do I just send flowers?
Who is it alright to tell about this?
I shouldn't feel bad should I?
Was I in the right to tell her mom?

I just can't believe she has the possibility of dying. That doesn't happen. People don't just die. Right?

[Kwesi]

Do you care about her? If you do, then it's just about how you approach the situation. If not, then the answer is easy. As much help as she may have needed, those who drive under the influence do not get my sympathy. I'm just glad no one else was with her... there wasn't anyone else was there?

[tastybasslines]

Yes, you should go see her mother and be as caring a person as possible.

Originally Posted by Kwesi

As much help as she may have needed, those who drive under the influence do not get my sympathy.

I'm surprised you said that Kwesi. She might die...do you HAVE to take such a hard stance? It's like saying Amy Winehouse deserved to die so therefore no one needs to grieve or feel sad. Same here.

[Kwesi]

Originally Posted by tastybasslines

Yes, you should go see her mother and be as caring a person as possible.



I'm surprised you said that Kwesi. She might die...do you HAVE to take such a hard stance? It's like saying Amy Winehouse deserved to die so therefore no one needs to grieve or feel sad. Same here.

Oh no, I'm not saying she deserved what happend to her nor I am saying that no one should show sympathy, that's just my personal philosophy. People will always grieve those they lose, and should she actually die, I would never try to stop anyone from doing so.

Now, that said, regardless of whether or not this was a conscious (questionable, I suppose) attempt to take her own life, she put numerous others in danger and that sickens me.

[basstotheface]

Originally Posted by Kwesi

Do you care about her? If you do, then it's just about how you approach the situation. If not, then the answer is easy. As much help as she may have needed, those who drive under the influence do not get my sympathy. I'm just glad no one else was with her... there wasn't anyone else was there?

She is still a friend so I do care about her. But I'm really disappointed in her. No one else was in the car thank god, the passenger side was gone.

Originally Posted by Kwesi

Now, that said, regardless of whether or not this was a conscious (questionable, I suppose) attempt to take her own life, she put numerous others in danger and that sickens me.

I was thinking the same thing. She wasn't this stupid. It could have been a suicide attempt. And I agree on the last part, as hard as it is to say.

[basstotheface]

I don't have a history of posting many super serious topics or putting out any personal stories so go easy on me everybody. I'm not looking for anything but advice. I'm not good at this stuff and have never had to deal with this concept of mortality.

[i_got_a_mohawk]

I think we all struggle with the concept of mortality when it first hits us, I lost 3 friends over ~18months when I was round about 20, that was when it all really sunk in with me.

If you are still friends with her and the family, the least you can do is visit, if not for her, for her family.

While it sucks for her and her family, I'm glad nobody was killed.

[Kwesi]

I wish I could say that I understand your situation but I really have no idea. No one close to me has died so I can't really empathize. Show her family that you care somehow. I'm sure they could use the support.

[Infidelity]

Originally Posted by Kwesi

I wish I could say that I understand your situation but I really have no idea. No one close to me has died so I can't really empathize. Show her family that you care somehow. I'm sure they could use the support.

I feel the same..

On the other hand, are you a vampire? Seems like you don't sleep at all Kwesi!

[Kwesi]

Originally Posted by Infidelity

I feel the same..

On the other hand, are you a vampire? Seems like you don't sleep at all Kwesi!

Hmmm, that would explain why I sparkle in sunlight . Thanks to me having next to nothing to do this summer besides a couple of pretty laidback classes, my sleep schedule is all jacked up, lol.

[Sublab]

Go see her. Talk to her. I had a bad car accident 4 years ago, my best friend was in the back and didn't have his seat belt on and got thrown out of the car. He'll never be able to walk, talk, eat or anything basic like that again. The guilt I feel is crushing. I still visit him regularly and eventhough he can barely move I know it pleases him to still hear my voice and silly stories.

[jp58]

Originally Posted by basstotheface

My very unstable rebellious ex girlfriend has been in a coma and on life support since Tuesday.

She decided, after 4 pills of an illegal substance, it was cool to steal a car and drive 85 down a street at 5 in the morning. She rammed a cement light pole, crushing the car in half and flipping it 7 times.

I called her Thursday and her mother answered and explained everything upon which I told her I knew she (the comatose girl) was under the influence.

Her mom says that things aren't looking too good and that even if she makes it she will be a shell of herself (and in JDC for a couple years).

Do I go visit?
Do I just send flowers?
Who is it alright to tell about this?
I shouldn't feel bad should I?
Was I in the right to tell her mom?

I just can't believe she has the possibility of dying. That doesn't happen. People don't just die. Right?

Visit the hospital? If you have some desire to say goodbye while she's alive, then go. It shouldn't have to be a big ordeal, and it might mean a lot to her parents to see friends of hers there.

As far as who it's okay to tell, you've already told the whole world... It's on the internet after all. Joking aside, talk about it to whoever you feel like you need to or want to. I wouldn't blab to all my friends she was doped up, but sometimes it helps to talk through situations like this with a trusted friend or family member.

You should only feel bad if you were in an immediate situation to prevent it. Such as, if you were at a party with her and let her drive away high, If not, there is no need to feel bad. Don't let anyone guilt you into believing it is your fault she did this.

[Quickie]

Originally Posted by basstotheface

My very unstable rebellious ex girlfriend has been in a coma and on life support since Tuesday.

She decided, after 4 pills of an illegal substance, it was cool to steal a car and drive 85 down a street at 5 in the morning. She rammed a cement light pole, crushing the car in half and flipping it 7 times.

I called her Thursday and her mother answered and explained everything upon which I told her I knew she (the comatose girl) was under the influence.

Her mom says that things aren't looking too good and that even if she makes it she will be a shell of herself (and in JDC for a couple years).

Do I go visit?
Do I just send flowers?
Who is it alright to tell about this?
I shouldn't feel bad should I?
Was I in the right to tell her mom?

I just can't believe she has the possibility of dying. That doesn't happen. People don't just die. Right?

Yes...they die. I'm sorry for what you are going through but if you are on good terms with her and her family, GO see her.

I have been in the hospital for a life threatening situation and it is SCARY. And it just may help your ex girlfriend.

[staindbass]

yes its good to go see her. but resolve your self to scold her later when she is well ! thats what caring friends do... i hope this incident will change her thinking. you are a good friend.

[RosieB]

It's a shock the first time something serious happens to someone close to you and all of a sudden you realize that yes, people die. It takes some time to assimilate.

Do what you feel is right in your heart. If you want to visit, visit. If you want to send flowers, then send flowers. If you'll regret it if you don't, then do. And I'm sure her mom would appreciate the gestures, also.

And yes, as a mom myself, IMO you did the right thing by telling her. If I were the mom I would want to know. And it would help me, as the mom, to know that my child had supportive friends (even if they are exes) that were willing to visit my child and show their support.

[jmorbita]

reminds me of The Smith's song...

I too think you should go see her,comfort the family, and talk to her, though I know it's not an easy thing to do.

[nutdog]

Having been the person at the hospital and the person visiting the hospital, I would say go. I've never regretted going. I've regretted not going.

[madmatt]

Originally Posted by basstotheface

I just can't believe she has the possibility of dying. That doesn't happen. People don't just die. Right?

I think you are suffering from Post Traumatic Stress, even if you were not in the accident.
I think you need to get out there and deal with it, talk to her family too probably. They need support right now, and it sounds like you do too.

[Chef FourString]

I'm sorry about your anguish. You should at least go see the family and show you emotional support. Imo.

But people are people and she made her own decision. I'm sorry but worse things happen to better people all the time. Good luck.

[Munjibunga]

Originally Posted by basstotheface

People don't just die. Right?

People just die. Sometimes life seems robust, sometimes fragile. In this case, the fact that she is alive attests to the robustness of life, but her prognosis attests to the fragility. Don't burden yourself over her circumstances, but help if you can.