EXCERPTS FROM THE DIARY OF AN ASPIRING DEATH-METAL FRONTMAN

[rcarraher]

I ran across this....again, tonight searching for something else entirely. But it was useless as well, so this will do....

3/12/05

Dear Diary,

Today is a day to be remembered, a day that will shine brighter than any other in the annals of history. For I, Deathblow (née Daniel Rosenberg), have formed a band: Sockhop Babykill Redux. Our music will bring false prophets to their knees as it cuts a swath through the niggling trivialities of daily life, a swath that will reveal nothing but pure, blinding truth. Kings will weep when they gaze upon us, weep with the knowledge that despite their royal splendor they will never amount to anything but a fraction of our collective, splendid worth.

We're still short a bassist, though. We're having open auditions for the spot.

[Mark Wilson]

Okay?

What is this?

[SpamBot]

+1

[rcarraher]

Originally Posted by Mark Wilson

Okay?

What is this?

Exactly what it says, pretty much a satire on anyone who has ever been young and had dilussions of grandeur.

The whole thing is here, and there are many sequels.

http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2005/7/8singal.html

Next Few Diary Enteries:

3/15/05

Dear Diary,

What luck! We have already found our bassist. She is a goddess when she plays, she and her bass becoming inextricably intertwined to form a singular entity of stunning beauty and grace. Her name is Festering Axe Wound.

- - - -

3/23/05

Dear Diary,

Here's the note my roommate/bandmate left on the fridge this morning:

"Deathblow,

I am off to secure a gig for Sockhop Babykill Redux. Once our performances begin, we will become a plague unto this land, wrapping ourselves around northeast Richmond like a foul mist. With music in our hearts and hatred in our voices we will wake up these accursed zombies, releasing buckets of bile from their filthy, rotten throats as they realize what a horrific charade this despicable American scream has become!

Bloodslurp

P.S. We need milk."

Why is it always I who must obtain milk, Diary? Why is it always I?!?!?!?!?!

- - - -

3/24/05

Dear Diary,

All hail Bloodslurp!!!!! My intrepid roommate and drummer has secured us a show two weeks hence at Mike's Bar and Grill, which, according to Bloodslurp, consists of a sickeningly banal midrange eatery underneath a large, accommodating musical venue. I inquired as to how he fulfilled his mission without so much as a demo tape, but he wouldn't say. Mysterious are the ways of Bloodslurp.

In other news, something seems to be brewing between Festering Axe Wound and me. Tonight at practice she kept complimenting me on how "so very primordial" I looked, and then she did this crazy solo while staring at me the whole time, her tongue flicking out seductively every few seconds like some sort of beautiful iguana. An intriguing development, old friend.

Swampfiend said he saw it too.

- - - -

[Mark Wilson]

Oh.

Cool.

[popinfresh]

These are jokes people.

The first one is a joke on bassists, then the milk. And the tone of taking the piss out of metal heads.

[rcarraher]

Originally Posted by popinfresh

These are jokes people.

The first one is a joke on bassists, then the milk. And the tone of taking the piss out of metal heads.

Fun stuff, actually. Reminded me of some of the pretentous attitudes we had back in the 60's, not to mention some of the woe begone adventures