Family troubles... advice?

twisty4678 · #1 05-02-2009, 12:51 PM

I'll try to make this short as possible. Basically i've come home from college for the summer to a pretty awkward household. About two years ago my mom discovered the internet. This year she has gotten really into it, and spends about 30 hrs a week on it. Since she doesn't know a lot about computers, i had to help her with a lot of things, which is how i discovered she made a guy friend online. Now, i'm 99% sure there is no funny business going on, ie: affair. However, after talking to this guy she started reading the bible. OK, no big deal. Soon it evolved to buying religion for dummies books, and spending hours reading scriptures online. After some internet sleuthing i discovered this guy graduated with a degree in theology. Well, the past week she comes out to tell us she is converting to seventh day adventism from roman Catholicism. My day is pretty disturbed by this, he came and woke me up from a nap to discuss his feelings, which is something he has never done before. He said he hasn't been eating well even.
Basically: 1. What would you guys do to help curb an internet addiction?
and 2. what are your thoughts on religious conversion?

My brothers theory is that she is doing this to manipulate my dad, who has controlled much of her past life. IE: we never really saw her side of the family growing up, he makes a lot of the budget decisions etc. I just don't know. It just sucks having to come home to this. My new amp helps a bit though. Anyways, let me know what you think.

Pilgrim · #2 05-02-2009, 12:56 PM

First, with all due respect, you dad has helped to cause this - it's partly a reaction, as you indicate.

Second, your mom and dad need to get into counseling - NOW.

Third, all you can do is be honest and tell your mom and dad what concerns you about both of their behaviors - but you can't change either of them. All you can do is be honest and forthright. This is not your problem to fix.

machine gewehr · #3 05-02-2009, 02:24 PM

Nothing a good ol' virus can't fix.

They need to talk,counseling maybe as Pilgrim said.Maybe you can talk them into it.

And religious matters are not to be spoken in OT.Its the internets and everyone's right you know.

mike_v_s · #4 05-02-2009, 02:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pilgrim

First, with all due respect, you dad has helped to cause this - it's partly a reaction, as you indicate.

Second, your mom and dad need to get into counseling - NOW.

Third, all you can do is be honest and tell your mom and dad what concerns you about both of their behaviors - but you can't change either of them. All you can do is be honest and forthright. This is not your problem to fix.

+1 to the Pilgrim.

Mike

MJ5150 · #5 05-02-2009, 02:39 PM

Invite the internet buddy over for dinner. Have everyone throw their cards down on the table and hash it out. If she wants to do the new religion thing for reals, let her go for it.

-Mike

Fontaine · #6 05-02-2009, 02:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by twisty4678

I'll try to make this short as possible. Basically i've come home from college for the summer to a pretty awkward household. About two years ago my mom discovered the internet. This year she has gotten really into it, and spends about 30 hrs a week on it. Since she doesn't know a lot about computers, i had to help her with a lot of things, which is how i discovered she made a guy friend online. Now, i'm 99% sure there is no funny business going on, ie: affair. However, after talking to this guy she started reading the bible. OK, no big deal. Soon it evolved to buying religion for dummies books, and spending hours reading scriptures online. After some internet sleuthing i discovered this guy graduated with a degree in theology. Well, the past week she comes out to tell us she is converting to seventh day adventism from roman Catholicism. My day is pretty disturbed by this, he came and woke me up from a nap to discuss his feelings, which is something he has never done before. He said he hasn't been eating well even.
Basically: 1. What would you guys do to help curb an internet addiction?
and 2. what are your thoughts on religious conversion?

My brothers theory is that she is doing this to manipulate my dad, who has controlled much of her past life. IE: we never really saw her side of the family growing up, he makes a lot of the budget decisions etc. I just don't know. It just sucks having to come home to this. My new amp helps a bit though. Anyways, let me know what you think.

so, what kind of amp did you get?

machine gewehr · #7 05-02-2009, 02:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MJ5150

Invite the internet buddy over for dinner when your folks are out.Kick his ass and tell him never to talk to your mum again.Pull a knife and grab him by the throat and tell him if he talks again you will not stop there.

-Mike

Fixed it.

Jazz Ad · #8 05-02-2009, 02:43 PM

I always was glad that my parents didn't put their nose in my private business. I thought it was fair to return the favor when their couple went belly up.
Unless you get asked for advice, I think you should let them deal with this issue and above all, don't take a side.

MakiSupaStar · #9 05-02-2009, 09:03 PM

No pics. No mom.

iamlowsound · #10 05-02-2009, 09:22 PM

Internet addiction can be fixed by setting her proxies different. You said that she doesn't know a lot about computers, so just tell her that the internet is broken and Al Gore hasn't decided to fix it yet.

On the religious part, if it is a problem for your Dad, just explain to him that Roman Catholics and 7th Day Adventists have much more in common than they have differences.

lowsound

popinfresh · #11 05-02-2009, 09:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jazz Ad

Unless you get asked for advice, I think you should let them deal with this issue and above all

I don't think that's always true, considering the situation.

My parents went through hell in regards to an affair and trying to keep it from my mum and sister for a very long time, the only reason they didn't tell us was they didn't want to hurt us. I found out on my own terms and confronted them, it was much better out in the open then pretend BS and what not.

If this starts to break up the OP's parents/family life and things are being hidden etc, I think they need to have a family chat and get things on the table. IMO of course..

J. Crawford · #12 05-02-2009, 09:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MakiSupaStar

No pics. No mom.

Maki never ceases to make my day, then shoot it down in the next thread.

T-Bird · #13 05-03-2009, 01:19 AM

Hi.

My condolences for the difficult situation.

As Your personal profile is blank, I feel that there will be no constructive advice that can help you. Knowing Your age, location, strenght of societys religious grasp etc. would help.

People behave differently in different parts of the world, have different ideology etc.

IMHO the only thing You can do is to be there for Your mom and dad if they wish to talk.

Personally I wouldn't be worried at all about the on-line friend other than his infuence, but scared as hell about the need for religious conversion. When a person is hit with an new ideology it usually happens for a reason and it hits them square in the head and sweeps the rug from under their feet, they become one track minds.

Since religion is banned on OT for a very, very good reasons, there's really not much that can be said here to help You or your brother. IMHO of course.

Regards
Sam

NJL · #14 05-03-2009, 01:27 AM

i'm here now guys

machine gewehr · #15 05-03-2009, 06:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NJL

i'm here now guys

ErebusBass · #16 05-03-2009, 03:45 PM

I love how we're discussing internet addiction on the internet.

Anyone want to go to the tavern so we can talk about my alcoholism?

kanonfodr · #17 05-03-2009, 06:05 PM

Sure, right after I get done feeding my sex addiction.

Peace,
Greg

Kenbuntu · #18 05-03-2009, 06:21 PM

I think you need to go on a mission. Try finding out your moms password etc. and log on to chat with said guy. Find some dirt, make some dirt, and possibly end it. IMO that's all you CAN do w/out your mom knowing. Well she may find out later on, but she should realize that it was for the best.

NJL · #19 05-03-2009, 07:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by machine gewehr

Stumbo · #20 05-03-2009, 08:35 PM

+100 on the counseling. YOu're dad should not be involving you in their relationship. It's not your job.

It seems like it's your mom's way of creating a world that she can control. Super passive=aggressive. Your dad should lead the way in their evolution as a couple. He needs to be more accepting of your mom's needs. Counseling can help them evolve their problem solving skills. If one of them won't go to counseling, the other should, asap.

Good luck.