a friend of mine was raped

chuck norriss · #1 03-23-2011, 11:16 AM

but she won't tell the police, won't tell her father it happened, and won't tell me who the rapist is because I'll cut off his penis, hands, and feet.

meanwhile he's out there raping someone's girlfriend, someone's wife, someone's sister, someone's daughter.

I don't fuxing understand why she is protecting the rapist. why would she protect him
It must be someone she cares about.

I am for physical castration of scientifically proven, convicted rapists. chemical castration can be undone. not good enough. yes i am furious

arbitrary · #2 03-23-2011, 11:34 AM

she's not protecting him exactly. It's more about INTENSE shame and guilt.
Don't try to "fix" or exact revenge. Just be as supportive as you can possibly be & let her move at her own pace.

Selta · #3 03-23-2011, 11:35 AM

A LOT goes on in the mind and body of a person who's been raped. I don't know what the current "statistic" is on it, but an overwhelming amount of people in the past have not gone forward about it. While it's her body and she can do what she wants, I would chat with her and talk her through it all, and try to convince her to talk to authorities.

tastybasslines · #4 03-23-2011, 11:43 AM

How exactly did this rape go down?

RosieB · #5 03-23-2011, 11:48 AM

Been there, done that. She's not protecting him, she's protecting herself. I agree with you entirely on how it should be handled, but when you're the victim that's not how it looks to you. You just don't want people to know. Especially not parents. I can't believe I'm even typing this because I've only ever told 3 people in my life and it's been 28 years, and now everyone who reads this thread will know. But it makes me mad, too, and I feel for her. The best thing you can do for her is to get her to talk about it and to face it. Encourage her to report it, but don't push. It needs to be her decision. Actually, its very important that she feel in control of how this is handled. You can help her the most by just being there for her and listening.

pbagley · #6 03-23-2011, 11:48 AM

I should probably wait for the LE types to weigh in on this, but... throwing caution into the wind here it is:

Rape is a crime of violence. Rapists get off on causing pain. If someone is raped and you cannot tell from the visible cuts, bruises, and broken bones then the victim got off lucky. Very lucky. If this is the case, then your friend was possibly attacked by someone in the early stages of their "career". It will be worse for the next girl, and worse again for the one after that. Future victims are more likely to need hospitalization. Those that survive anyway.

I understand your feelings. I would share them toward anyone who hurt my daughter. Be smart, don't go to jail yourself, OK? Cops are there for a reason. I'll bet it's too late for any bodily fluid evidence. If she decides to talk consult with the local prosecutor and see what they advise.

Good luck, and I'm sorry this happened.

Smokin' Toaster · #7 03-23-2011, 11:49 AM

Don't get upset at the prospect, I don't know your friend or the alleged rapist, but there is a possibility it wasn't a stranger who pounced on her, maybe it's somebody she knew and it's a terrible thing done by a person she has liked/respected up until this point. Or perhaps a situation that was plesant up to a point when she was not comfortable... a yes, yes, YES.... NO!! kind of situation. She liked it to a point, but it went farther than she wanted and she feels some responsibility. If she said no and he didn't stop the line was crossed at any rate. I'm not trying to justify the rapists actions by any stretch of the imagination.

As posted above, even when a two-legged male animal (I deliberately avoided using the word man) pounces on an innocent woman, possibly a total stranger, with no provocation - a pure attack, for some reason the victim's mind usually produces feelings of guilt and responsibility which sometimes trumps the outrage. If this is what the rapist did to your friend I hope you use a dull, rusty knife on the b*st*rd.

Again, I don't know... I've got nothing to go on but a post in a forum. I'm just considering all possibilities. But at any rate, bless your friends heart and I hope she get past this.

Selta · #8 03-23-2011, 11:53 AM

Very often (i.e. in most rape cases) the person who has been raped does know their attacker.

Schlyder · #9 03-23-2011, 11:54 AM

Get her a handgun,take her out shooting, and get her signed up in a firearms course.

MatticusMania · #10 03-23-2011, 11:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Schlyder

Get her a handgun,take her out shooting, and get her signed up in a firearms course.

Like Jodie Foster?

**pacojas** · #11 03-23-2011, 11:58 AM

(fate will find him)

fenderhutz · #12 03-23-2011, 11:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Schlyder

Get her a handgun,take her out shooting, and get her signed up in a firearms course.

Because putting a gun in someones hands that is suffering severe emotional strain is the best course of action?

She needs to go to the police, or it could happen again.

Schlyder · #13 03-23-2011, 12:00 PM

For when she may need it. If she is not having charges laid against this POS..., and as was said earlier, most rape victims know their attacker. There is a good chance the POS will attempt raping her again. She should be equipped and prepared to defend herself.

JAUQO III-X · #14 03-23-2011, 12:00 PM

That is so sad. At this point don't push her and definitely be her friend.

What city and state do you live in?

And RosieB I'm also sorry to hear of your experience.

Quote:

Originally Posted by pbagley

Rapists get off on causing pain.

That is not true at all in every case of rape.

Yerf Dog · #15 03-23-2011, 12:01 PM

Has a doctor checked her out?

Selta · #16 03-23-2011, 12:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Yerf Dog

Has a doctor checked her out?

I doubt it. I think that if a doctor confirms rape they need to report it, no?

MakiSupaStar · #17 03-23-2011, 12:06 PM

I think comforting her and gently encouraging her to go forward to the authorities is the right thing to do. You need to show her that men are capable of compassion and understanding at times like these. If you fly off the handle and do something violent on her behalf (which I would completely understand), you're only demonstrating more violence to her. At this point, the best thing you can do is be there for her. My guess this was a 'date rape' or she was raped by someone that she knew and trusted.

Ziltoid · #18 03-23-2011, 12:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ray Salamon

I doubt it. I think that if a doctor confirms rape they need to report it, no?

That might be tricky tho, I guess it would depend on the regulation at the place of practice due to the confidentiality the job has. I can ask my mom what it is over here as she's specialized in health ethic and on the ethic committee of the hospitals and that, but that won't tell you much.

As for the topic itself, I don't really know what to say.

edit: I just called her as it was annoying me, and here the doctor has to keep it confidential, and even if he does report it (didn't asked her what the consequences of this could be for the doctor) if the women doesn't put charges there's nothing to do about it.

GregC · #19 03-23-2011, 12:22 PM

I agree with those who say you should be supportive--Maki's right on target, in particular. I can understand wanting to take her straight to the police, I'm sure I'd feel the same way if it was a friend of mine. And it's a damn shame how women often blame themselves when this happens.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ray Salamon

I doubt it. I think that if a doctor confirms rape they need to report it, no?

I'm pretty sure that is the case.

**pacojas** · #20 03-23-2011, 12:41 PM

going to the police exposes a victim to a battery of questions that often lead to them feeling responsible.

what were you wearing?
what were you doing?
did you lead him on?
etc.

it's enough to make you go crazy!!!
(i feel for her)